#1 What. = Discuss with ENFP about what going wrong. Full discussion.
#2 So what = Discuss what this all means to the ENFP and try to locate their perspective so you can understand/ empathise better.
#3 What now = Discuss what can be done to move forward, if anything.
#3a STFU = Sometimes no route forward will be accepted. No resolution will be accomodated and yet the stress will continue. At which point STFU may be necessary. To avoid it can lead to cosseting. You know this.