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Loneliness

Tayshaun

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Is loneliness universal?

~ Just in case, let me immediately note the difference between being alone and feeling lonely ~

Is loneliness universal but more specifically a burden for Ns (as in introspection) who are more sensitive and attune to the feeling?

I was originally surprised when close ENXX friends (an ENFP and an ENTP) talked about feeling unbearably lonely. They are nearly at all times surrounded by a large circle of friends and cohorts, yet despite this presence, they are not protected from a nagging pang of loneliness.
The INFPs I have encountered consistently recount that loneliness is their chief wound. So much so, that some consider "a deep well of loneliness" to be the most preponderant aspect of their lives. INTPs too seem to invariably report being lonely even when "happily" married/mated or when having trusted confidants.

Would you agree that everybody feels it, but that introspection makes it stronger and that the less introspective (S types) perhaps intermix being socially/physically alone (no mate, little contact with family or friends) with feeling lonely?

I am curious to know if there is anybody on this forum who does not oft feel the weight of loneliness, especially if predisposed by introspectiveness (N).

(to mods: feel free to move the thread)
 

The Ü™

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I am utterly convinced that N is a distinguishing factor of loneliness because of society's bias towards S preferences. An N is less in tune of what is socially acceptable, and thus, they come across as weird, which, in turn, alienates them from developing friendships, regardless of their I or E preference.

Even an Introvert with an S preference will more likely be aware of what's acceptable in society. Plus, research suggests that the American population is actually 50/50 in terms of I/E preferences.

Regardless, I think it is the N's unique way of seeing things that alienates them.

However, an ENFJ and INFJ will probably be more in tune with social cues based on how other people feel due to Fe.
 

Economica

Dhampyr
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I am curious to know if there is anybody on this forum who does not oft feel the weight of loneliness, especially if predisposed by introspectiveness (N).

I think you're on your way to answering your own question here:

INTPs too seem to invariably report being lonely even when "happily" married/mated or when having trusted confidants.

Some people officially report happy relationships and friendships, but when informally cross-examined :whistling:, it turns out they are either lying (perhaps to themselves) or their standards are low.

I haven't felt lonely since I was a teenager. I have an SO and a good handful of (mostly, but not exclusively N) friends with whom I can be myself and be valued for it and vice versa. Don't hate me, I worked hard to get them, and you can too. :yes:
 

Tayshaun

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I am utterly convinced that N is a distinguishing factor of loneliness because of society's bias towards S preferences. An N is less in tune of what is socially acceptable, and thus, they come across as weird, which, in turn, alienates them from developing friendships, regardless of their I or E preference.

I think it is the N's unique way of seeing things that alienates them.

Some people officially report happy relationships and friendships, but when informally cross-examined :whistling:, it turns out they are either lying (perhaps to themselves) or their standards are low.

I haven't felt lonely since I was a teenager. I have an SO and a good handful of (mostly, but not exclusively N) friends with whom I can be myself and be valued for it and vice versa. Don't hate me, I worked hard to get them, and you can too. :yes:

This would make Ns with a hypothetically large network of N friends, colleagues, family members and neighbors less likely to feel lonely. Can loneliness mainly be defined as not fitting with the dominant currents of society and go hand in hand with a feeling of alienation (society is the main contributor rather than existential angst)?

Uberfuhrer said:
However, an ENFJ and INFJ will probably be more in tune with social cues based on how other people feel due to Fe.

Yes, I am curious about that and looking forward to having their feedback :D
 

Shimpei

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An S here: I've never felt lonely. And yes, I think this is partly because I mingle with other people quite well, make myself understood easily and I'm adaptable to others.
 

Tayshaun

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An S here: I've never felt lonely. And yes, I think this is partly because I mingle with other people quite well, make myself understood easily and I'm adaptable to others.

This is interesting. My N friends often report having difficulty communicating their deep thoughts or feelings and resort to making an insipid adaptation to make themselves legible. It's both comical and poignant to see the tortured expression of some Ns when they go to great lengths explaining something that is very valuable to them but too arcane and individualized to be understood.
 

JivinJeffJones

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It's why so many people fantasize about a post-apocalyptic life I think.

I don't notice it that much. It's like background noise, or a slightly uncomfortable climate. You don't really notice it until it disappears for a while. I remember when I was a kid I used to get these overwhelming waves of wellbeing from time to time. Looking back, I think that was a total absence of loneliness.
 

The Ü™

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Yes, I am curious about that and looking forward to having their feedback :D

Well, I think that Fe is the most politically correct, because they are focused on how other people may feel. They are the kind of people who get upset on other people's behalf.

I've noticed this sort of thing even with INTPs and ISTPs, who have an inferior Fe function. They seem to be more sensitive to others and more politically correct.

Fe is the sort of function that says "we must be sensitive to other people's points of views" or "don't say something that will offend another."

However, an ENFJ will try to make visionary changes for people based on what they perceive will make the others happy, which may not be the case, so they are more conflicting in that way. They may have good intentions, but may not realize that so do not agree with their point of view.

The ESFJ will probably be more realistic. They tend to prefer keeping a status quo by using their Si function in a concrete fashion. They are also diplomatic and focused on harmony and probably believe in equality, but are probably more effective in keeping the peace.

Fi on the other hand, would look at the world based on their personal morals. They're probably more likely to be fanatics and so forth because they are more in tune with personal beliefs of either their own or their group, regardless of how outsiders feel.

For example, Fi is may be interested in religion. Fi loyalty is more restricted to people they care about and less diplomatic. Hence, I think Fi is the source of discrimination, jealousy, fanaticism, and so forth.

If Fi is aided by ISFP, then biblical text is probably more likely to be taken literally. Likewise, Fi aided by Ne in an INFP will try to derive an underlying meaning from biblical text, and will possibly be more open-minded to other points of view since they see things from a broader perspective.
 

Totenkindly

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Is loneliness universal but more specifically a burden for Ns (as in introspection) who are more sensitive and attune to the feeling? ... I am curious to know if there is anybody on this forum who does not oft feel the weight of loneliness, especially if predisposed by introspectiveness (N).

I actually enjoy being alone much of the time.

However, I am still plagued by feelings of deep loneliness on an almost-constant basis, regardless of whether or not I am with people.

And yes, I think for me, it's one of the deepest wounds (if not the deepest) that I have as a human being -- feeling that, no matter how close I get to someone, it will never be enough to really make "true contact," that there is always an uncrossable chasm between all people even if we can shout to each other across the gap. :(

Sometimes I deal all right with it, other times I feel swallowed by the void. For whatever reason, I am search for "perfect union" with others even while maintaining my sense of self.
 

The Ü™

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An Introverted Sensor would probably prefer to be alone or one-on-one. But when a Sensor is lonely, he/she probably has a better and more realistic understanding on how to get out of loneliness.

I think a lonely Intuitive is more under the thought that they expect life to magically bring them a friend.
 

Economica

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This would make Ns with a hypothetically large network of N friends, colleagues, family members and neighbors less likely to feel lonely. Can loneliness mainly be defined as not fitting with the dominant currents of society and go hand in hand with a feeling of alienation (society is the main contributor rather than existential angst)?

For the record, I am plenty alieNated at work where everyone else is S. Can that be frustrating? Yes. :doh: Do I miss having N coworkers and superiors? Yes. :( Does it make me lonely? No.

Don't blame society for not being predominantly compatible with you. Make the effort to go out and find some people who are.

(Sorry if I'm reading blameshifting into your post that isn't really there. My Ni is acting up today and Te is tagging along. :))
 

Totenkindly

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An Introverted Sensor would probably prefer to be alone or one-on-one. But when a Sensor is lonely, he/she probably has a better and more realistic understanding on how to get out of loneliness.

I think a lonely Intuitive is more under the thought that they expect life to magically bring them a friend.

Or maybe since a Sensor lives in the concrete and tangible, a relationship feels deep simply when you do things with someone, talk to them about anything, and can articulate feelings about them?

An iNtuitive can do all of those things and be completely unsatisfied if the intangible connection is never made.

I think it's more of what each type can sense, what each considers a meaningful relationship, and so on.
 

Lookin4theBestNU

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I think most people either S/N experience loneliness at one point or another. I have often wondered though if it's for different reasons due to this. Out of the ENFJ profile since it appears that someone has interest:
The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.
I have lots of people in my life but feel lonely quite a bit of the time and have pretty much as long as I can remember. I came to the internet in search of other intuitives to help squelch that feeling. I have met very few N's IRL and I keep wondering where the hell they all are!! I have only met one N that I know of since I moved. He's a sort-of odd seeming INFJ, but I can't talk to him because his GF always 'gives :thelook:' when I come near him!
 

Usehername

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Personal experience with loneliness:

*When others have been readily available to have deep conversation with (and I should note that I had plenty of Ns around at this point in my life, and even two INTJs both male and female) I was very often both with others and alone, and never lonely.
*When I have to make the conscious effort to find people (mostly due to physical distance) I generally don't make the effort as much as I probably should. And I feel very lonely. I don't think I notice it until it's really bugging me, and then my eyes are opened and I feel moderately trapped and depressed and it either takes
a) a few weeks/months of conscious effort to go out and see people repeatedly and have some sort of human connection or
b) a commitment that causes me to have human connection and it gets the ball rolling.
 

The Ü™

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I think a friend is the same kind of material desire as a Plasma TV or a gaming computer. They are basically there to make people feel secure.

The only difference is that people look at friendship as a "beautiful" thing while pursuit of property is "shallow" and "materialistic." Really, I see no difference -- they are both worldly things that people want.
 

proteanmix

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I think a friend is the same kind of material desire as a Plasma TV or a gaming computer. They are basically there to make people feel secure.

The only difference is that people look at friendship as a "beautiful" thing while pursuit of property is "shallow" and "materialistic." Really, I see no difference -- they are both worldly things that people want.

A plasma TV can't reciprocate or offer you support. They can't even cuss you out yet!
 

rivercrow

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I think a friend is the same kind of material desire as a Plasma TV or a gaming computer. They are basically there to make people feel secure.

Really, I see no difference -- they are both worldly things that people want.

A plasma TV can't reciprocate or offer you support. They can't even cuss you out yet!

Plasma TVs can't send you :wubbie:s about Uranus, either, UF. :D
 

The Ü™

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A plasma TV can't reciprocate or offer you support. They can't even cuss you out yet!

Sure they reciprocate, I push the power button, they give me images!

A book is also a great friend. It offers support if your willing to pay a few bucks. You can learn so much more from a book than you can from a friend. Sure a person writes the book, but you don't like the person, you like the things he writes.

And let's not forget an Xbox. You push a button and the AI does exactly what it's told! Moreover, if you put new batteries in the controller, then the buttons on the controller will work.

If you tell a human to do something for you, there's always the chance they'll say "No." If you tell a machine to do something for you, they always say "Yes." And if they screw up, it's because the human who programmed it screwed up!

More likely, it is people who basically try to deprive you of your enjoyment by telling you to get away from the computer and so forth. A person is more likely to control your thinking. Yes, people will control your thinking through through the telly, but this is where the power button on the remote comes in handy.
 
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