User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 46

Thread: Loneliness

  1. #1
    Senior Member Tayshaun's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    172

    Default Loneliness

    Is loneliness universal?

    ~ Just in case, let me immediately note the difference between being alone and feeling lonely ~

    Is loneliness universal but more specifically a burden for Ns (as in introspection) who are more sensitive and attune to the feeling?

    I was originally surprised when close ENXX friends (an ENFP and an ENTP) talked about feeling unbearably lonely. They are nearly at all times surrounded by a large circle of friends and cohorts, yet despite this presence, they are not protected from a nagging pang of loneliness.
    The INFPs I have encountered consistently recount that loneliness is their chief wound. So much so, that some consider "a deep well of loneliness" to be the most preponderant aspect of their lives. INTPs too seem to invariably report being lonely even when "happily" married/mated or when having trusted confidants.

    Would you agree that everybody feels it, but that introspection makes it stronger and that the less introspective (S types) perhaps intermix being socially/physically alone (no mate, little contact with family or friends) with feeling lonely?

    I am curious to know if there is anybody on this forum who does not oft feel the weight of loneliness, especially if predisposed by introspectiveness (N).

    (to mods: feel free to move the thread)

  2. #2
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    I am utterly convinced that N is a distinguishing factor of loneliness because of society's bias towards S preferences. An N is less in tune of what is socially acceptable, and thus, they come across as weird, which, in turn, alienates them from developing friendships, regardless of their I or E preference.

    Even an Introvert with an S preference will more likely be aware of what's acceptable in society. Plus, research suggests that the American population is actually 50/50 in terms of I/E preferences.

    Regardless, I think it is the N's unique way of seeing things that alienates them.

    However, an ENFJ and INFJ will probably be more in tune with social cues based on how other people feel due to Fe.

  3. #3
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,054

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tayshaun View Post
    I am curious to know if there is anybody on this forum who does not oft feel the weight of loneliness, especially if predisposed by introspectiveness (N).
    I think you're on your way to answering your own question here:

    INTPs too seem to invariably report being lonely even when "happily" married/mated or when having trusted confidants.
    Some people officially report happy relationships and friendships, but when informally cross-examined , it turns out they are either lying (perhaps to themselves) or their standards are low.

    I haven't felt lonely since I was a teenager. I have an SO and a good handful of (mostly, but not exclusively N) friends with whom I can be myself and be valued for it and vice versa. Don't hate me, I worked hard to get them, and you can too.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tayshaun's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    172

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    I am utterly convinced that N is a distinguishing factor of loneliness because of society's bias towards S preferences. An N is less in tune of what is socially acceptable, and thus, they come across as weird, which, in turn, alienates them from developing friendships, regardless of their I or E preference.

    I think it is the N's unique way of seeing things that alienates them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Some people officially report happy relationships and friendships, but when informally cross-examined , it turns out they are either lying (perhaps to themselves) or their standards are low.

    I haven't felt lonely since I was a teenager. I have an SO and a good handful of (mostly, but not exclusively N) friends with whom I can be myself and be valued for it and vice versa. Don't hate me, I worked hard to get them, and you can too.
    This would make Ns with a hypothetically large network of N friends, colleagues, family members and neighbors less likely to feel lonely. Can loneliness mainly be defined as not fitting with the dominant currents of society and go hand in hand with a feeling of alienation (society is the main contributor rather than existential angst)?

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer
    However, an ENFJ and INFJ will probably be more in tune with social cues based on how other people feel due to Fe.
    Yes, I am curious about that and looking forward to having their feedback

  5. #5
    Senior Member Shimpei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Enneagram
    9
    Socionics
    ISFx
    Posts
    339

    Default

    An S here: I've never felt lonely. And yes, I think this is partly because I mingle with other people quite well, make myself understood easily and I'm adaptable to others.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tayshaun's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    172

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shimpei View Post
    An S here: I've never felt lonely. And yes, I think this is partly because I mingle with other people quite well, make myself understood easily and I'm adaptable to others.
    This is interesting. My N friends often report having difficulty communicating their deep thoughts or feelings and resort to making an insipid adaptation to make themselves legible. It's both comical and poignant to see the tortured expression of some Ns when they go to great lengths explaining something that is very valuable to them but too arcane and individualized to be understood.

  7. #7
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    It's why so many people fantasize about a post-apocalyptic life I think.

    I don't notice it that much. It's like background noise, or a slightly uncomfortable climate. You don't really notice it until it disappears for a while. I remember when I was a kid I used to get these overwhelming waves of wellbeing from time to time. Looking back, I think that was a total absence of loneliness.

  8. #8
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tayshaun View Post
    Yes, I am curious about that and looking forward to having their feedback
    Well, I think that Fe is the most politically correct, because they are focused on how other people may feel. They are the kind of people who get upset on other people's behalf.

    I've noticed this sort of thing even with INTPs and ISTPs, who have an inferior Fe function. They seem to be more sensitive to others and more politically correct.

    Fe is the sort of function that says "we must be sensitive to other people's points of views" or "don't say something that will offend another."

    However, an ENFJ will try to make visionary changes for people based on what they perceive will make the others happy, which may not be the case, so they are more conflicting in that way. They may have good intentions, but may not realize that so do not agree with their point of view.

    The ESFJ will probably be more realistic. They tend to prefer keeping a status quo by using their Si function in a concrete fashion. They are also diplomatic and focused on harmony and probably believe in equality, but are probably more effective in keeping the peace.

    Fi on the other hand, would look at the world based on their personal morals. They're probably more likely to be fanatics and so forth because they are more in tune with personal beliefs of either their own or their group, regardless of how outsiders feel.

    For example, Fi is may be interested in religion. Fi loyalty is more restricted to people they care about and less diplomatic. Hence, I think Fi is the source of discrimination, jealousy, fanaticism, and so forth.

    If Fi is aided by ISFP, then biblical text is probably more likely to be taken literally. Likewise, Fi aided by Ne in an INFP will try to derive an underlying meaning from biblical text, and will possibly be more open-minded to other points of view since they see things from a broader perspective.

  9. #9
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tayshaun View Post
    Is loneliness universal but more specifically a burden for Ns (as in introspection) who are more sensitive and attune to the feeling? ... I am curious to know if there is anybody on this forum who does not oft feel the weight of loneliness, especially if predisposed by introspectiveness (N).
    I actually enjoy being alone much of the time.

    However, I am still plagued by feelings of deep loneliness on an almost-constant basis, regardless of whether or not I am with people.

    And yes, I think for me, it's one of the deepest wounds (if not the deepest) that I have as a human being -- feeling that, no matter how close I get to someone, it will never be enough to really make "true contact," that there is always an uncrossable chasm between all people even if we can shout to each other across the gap.

    Sometimes I deal all right with it, other times I feel swallowed by the void. For whatever reason, I am search for "perfect union" with others even while maintaining my sense of self.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    An Introverted Sensor would probably prefer to be alone or one-on-one. But when a Sensor is lonely, he/she probably has a better and more realistic understanding on how to get out of loneliness.

    I think a lonely Intuitive is more under the thought that they expect life to magically bring them a friend.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] INTJs - Do you suffer from a recurring sense of loneliness?
    By INTJMom in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 59
    Last Post: 03-11-2014, 10:31 AM
  2. [INTP] INTPs and loneliness
    By groovejet02 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 05-21-2009, 12:15 AM
  3. [Other] Loneliness
    By entropie in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-12-2008, 12:07 AM
  4. Confusing Introversion, Depression, & Loneliness
    By entropie in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 10-07-2008, 04:28 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO