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Thread: Loneliness

  1. #41
    Member s0532's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    This is rather crushing to idealism and hard to accept.
    one kind of idealism. But I'd say a paradigm of autonomy can also help one to see self and others better, be more accepting of how everyone really is, say vs- who one wants them to be- and by not hanging one's shit all over them and expecting others to fill personal voids or whatever, there's actually better grounds for intimacy, deeper more honest connections. Maybe. For me anyway.

  2. #42
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I have my largest relational slots very satisfactorily filled, but here lately I'm thinking it would be nice to have more playmates irl to do things with me that the INTP has no interest in. I'm grooming the INFP child to be my outdoorsy buddy and it's good for us both, even though it is probably temporary since she will be grown before I know it.

    As long as my INTP lives and is of sound mind and reasonably sound body, I'm pretty confident that I will never be lonely beyond a manageable level. If (I suppose I should say when- sooner or later one of us is going to go first, mentally if not physically) he is not, I will experience profound loneliness that I don't particularly like to think about. I hope it is true that it is better to have loved and lost because losing is going to cost one of us a great deal one day. I hope it's a long way off.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #43
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    I never really was lonely. At least not untill I started listening to the sentimental Fe non-sense which evoked many of the repressed emotional impulses I had stored and deluded me into believing that I had all kinds of strange emotional needs/problems that don't apply.

    I don't have a need to connect with others on a deep level, and when I do, I easily get overwhelmed and am forced to abandon the relationship altogether. I do need to stay in touch with the external world. I won't get lonely, but then I'll lose my Intuitive touch and forget how to interact with the world, and in effect my competence will be undermined. Introverts shouldn't get lonely and those of you who do, attribute that only to the poverty of your inner life. You havent learned how to make company within yourself.

    This does not mean isolate yourself when you manage that, because you still need the external world to be a sound person, only through attunement with the external world could you find a sense of inner balance, as much of our energy, by temperament is meant to be directed outwards. Though dont focus too much on the external world, you'll lose grasp of your inner self and then will star believing all of those clumsy fairy tales that extroverts tell you that if you dont have enough company you'll become lonely. And this will happen to you when you embrace what they tell you, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy as you will try to live like an extrovert and cut yourself off from your inner resources which are vital. More important than anything you will find in this world.

    Maybe those of you who are lonely aren't just because you havent developed your inner life, its just that Es have deprived you of accessing it to the extent that you need to in order to function properly.
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  4. #44
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I have been lonely before, but it was before I learned to enjoy myself and accept that it was okay not to always be engaged in relationship-building. I have many good relationships (and many quirky ones-- some of them overlap) so I always feel that I have people I can go to if I need connection. I no longer feel like I have to have a connection at all times to be fully experiencing life. MBTI helped me embrace my introversion in that way.

    s0 made a great point about embracing the nature of life as solitary, and not being dismayed about that but rather being sort of into it. I may be butchering her actual point but that was what I took away from it in an N sense (and as you may know my N may be limited). I'm going to be chewing on that all day.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  5. #45
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by s0532 View Post
    one kind of idealism. But I'd say a paradigm of autonomy can also help one to see self and others better, be more accepting of how everyone really is, say vs- who one wants them to be- and by not hanging one's shit all over them and expecting others to fill personal voids or whatever, there's actually better grounds for intimacy, deeper more honest connections. Maybe. For me anyway.
    I think it is like a coming full circle for me. I experienced something similar in leadership roles. For a long time, I was isolated and solitary. Eventually I found myself in some leadership positions and had to learn to be a good leader (and in some ways I was, and in some ways I was terrible); and I wondered if it was part of "my path" to build up those group-oriented skills and focus on leadership. But eventually it came full-circle, I realized that competence and desire have to go hand in hand, and I really just did not want to be in charge to that degree of groups, and my path was more solitary/independent... and that it was okay, and I could embrace that even while maintaining the skills I learned.

    The loneliness thing is rather like that. Wanting to feel interconnected most of my life, then working on being so interconnected with others, then realizing I can never be quite as interconnected as I would hope... and now learning to accept it for what it is, so that I do not feel the need to force intimacy or expect it and just being grateful for a realistic relationship that then has freedom to become deeper.

    Funny how everything just goes in a circular pattern...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #46
    empress Nørrsken's Avatar
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    Of course I feel lonely. It truly is a universal feeling. We are born by ourselves, and subsequently, all living things on this Earth dies alone.
    The only thing that we are truly equal in as human beings is death.
    I'll follow her into the depths
    I'll find warmth in the steel of her glare
    I'll hear music in the darkness of her silence
    Don't leave me there.
    Likes Cat Brainz, agentwashington, Lotus, Glados liked this post

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