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  1. #241
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    explain!
    i *abhor* physicality... i find anyone laying hands on me deeply violating and therefore don't do it myself... i had someone throw a drink in my face years ago and it was mortifying... upset me for days, just as much as if they'd hit me...

    i've been known to yell but that's not the valley, that's just the shoulder... the valley is full of eerie stillness and cold and pared down almost robotic statements... most of the mid-range arguments are sharp tones, but perhaps not yelling... i yell with my sister, and maybe my mother... i have to be pretty mad...

    that's me maxed out...

    oh i used to throw things all the time... i managed to get the phone stuck in a wall once, kicked a door off it's track, broke a window... i haven't done any such thing for a very long time now because i get this sick feeling when i've 'harmed' something, inanimate objects, seeing the result of my intense anger... i don't hit people or animals... i don't throw things anymore... it was a really bad time and i was barely hanging on...

    i come from a regrettably dark past and it's shaped me... in my natural state, i automatically want to believe in the goodness of humanity and in a good outcome...
    Ooo robot...hmmm that is me when it's BAD.

    I'm sorry you've had the dark things shape so much of your past...I hope the future is alot lighter and less of a burden. It's so important for people who love other people to have peace. They can contribute sooo much more that way.

    I wish you peace.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  2. #242
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Yeah, now you're getting into mind/soulmate territory.
    Explain...please. It's interesting because we're not really in touch...and when we are it's about something intellectual..never never personal and I know I need to keep it that way but I sense he needs to keep it that way even more.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  3. #243
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    You don't get to see the dark parts unless you're really special, like a romantic partner.
    How is this INTP-specific? I'd say the same about myself and most other people would say the same I gather.

    I'm no longer in the business of cracking nuts and pulling people out of their shells. I understand that people need time to get to know each other before opening the sensitive parts of themselves, but I get the feeling with lots of INTPs they aren't even aware of their emotions very well let alone the emotions of others. I feel like there would have to be some period of just waiting to see if they're going to cut and run or waiting to figure if I'm going to have lure them out. Oh, and I'm not very patient. Then I'd have to brace myself for the inevitable blind emotional groping and hope that the flower I planted grows into something spectacular when it's just as possible it won't.

    IOW, I've never met an emotionally available INTP ready for a relationship, which doesn't mean they don't exist just that I haven't seen it.

    Le sigh, I just feel the need to throw in I'm not bashing INTPs.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #244
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    Explain...please. It's interesting because we're not really in touch...and when we are it's about something intellectual..never never personal and I know I need to keep it that way but I sense he needs to keep it that way even more.
    He might not know how to keep the relationship on a healthy level for him. I didn't at first either.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How is this INTP-specific? I'd say the same about myself and most other people would say the same I gather.

    I'm no longer in the business of cracking nuts and pulling people out of their shells. I understand that people need time to get to know each other before opening the sensitive parts of themselves, but I get the feeling with lots of INTPs they aren't even aware of their emotions very well let alone the emotions of others. I feel like there would have to be some period of just waiting to see if they're going to cut and run or waiting to figure if I'm going to have lure them out. Oh, and I'm not very patient. Then I'd have to brace myself for the inevitable blind emotional groping and hope that the flower I planted grows into something spectacular when it's just as possible it won't.

    IOW, I've never met an emotionally available INTP ready for a relationship, which doesn't mean they don't exist just that I haven't seen it.

    Le sigh, I just feel the need to throw in I'm not bashing INTPs.
    With INTPs you'll get the emotions before they run them through the Ti filter. It's scary to do that with just anyone, so they hide them.

  5. #245
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    ^INTPs are just big babies. "My poor feelings...waaaahhh."

    /kidding

  6. #246
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    ^INTPs are just big babies. "My poor feelings...waaaahhh."

    /kidding
    Actually somewhat true....

    >_>
    <_<
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  7. #247
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    ^INTPs are just big babies. "My poor feelings...waaaahhh."
    You wanna know how I got these scars?


  8. #248
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    He might not know how to keep the relationship on a healthy level for him. I didn't at first either.
    Ok so how do you do it now? I don't think with our history that he and I will ever be friends again...which is unfortunate. I really miss him, however, I think (I'm stressing that) he wanted to much of me without wanting all of me and the two can't be separated. I realized I could only go so far without losing more of me than I wanted to someone who didn't want it all...but he would be upset if I backed off..which I prob did clumsily I admit but I saw it needed to be done. Anyway...

    How did you manage to keep "it" on a healthy level...I'm assuming you've got what a mindmate that isn't your mate? (Just don't answer if that's too personal)...apologize in advance if it is.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  9. #249
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    You wanna know how I got these scars?

    Yikes!
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  10. #250
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    With INTPs you'll get the emotions before they run them through the Ti filter. It's scary to do that with just anyone, so they hide them.
    Yeah, that's scary and it's scary for most people.

    Is an INTP capable of creating an emotional safe space for their partner to open up in the same way or is this dependent on the other partner just being out with it?

    Because it's damn hard to put yourself out there like that as I'm sure you know. Who gets the luxury of making sure the coast is clear?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

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