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  1. #231
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I had to re-read this thread, but for me this is probably the number one reason why a relationship with an INTP wouldn't work out. I don't even see this so much with ISTPs.

    I'm basing this on the four INTPs I know IRL and from what I see on the forum. Some of the best words that describe me is synergistic and exergonic. I release lots of energy, I've tried to change that I try to blunt it but it's just what happens. The INTPs I know seem so retiring to me, like they should be in some quiet library pondering the secrets of the universe that I have no doubt they will eventually figure out or sitting on a rock next to a tranquil pond. My INTP friend is the one who introduced me to MBTI and she said I scared the hell out of her when we first met. We were roommates in college and I was the first one in our apartment. While I was away at work, she moved in and went out to run errands. Then I came in and saw someone was finally there and was sitting on her bed when she came in and she alleges I assaulted her although I don't really remember that.

    My energy and apparent lack of INTP energy makes me feel like I have to squelch essential parts of myself to keep from discomforting them which eventually ends of discomforting me and I'll begin to act out. Also having a strong emotional connection with another person is important to me and I like cogitating about relationships in all their various forms and talking about them and thinking of ways it can be better and it seems like this just tires INTPs out. It seems like INTPs have problems sustaining that energy and it would be best to be with someone who doesn't require so much, so I guess basically someone who is lower maintenance. Even having to explain why it's important or why such maintenance needs to happen turns me off because (and here I am thinking with my Fe brain) it seems obvious why it needs to be cultivated and maintained.

    I feel like it's easier for me to swing to the INTP side of things for an INTP to swing to mine. I just feel like a lot of resentment would begin to simmer in the relationship and it would just end badly if I constantly have to guide someone through the relationship jungle.
    INTPs can exert energy and have strong emotional connections, but with just a few people. Otherwise you'll overwhelm us, so that is accurate.

    In conclusion: we better be sleeping together for you to get all of us.

  2. #232
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    i find it offensive that anyone should be dismissed out of hand or marginalized b/c that seems to indicate either a) stupidity not to be tolerated in the dismisser, or b) delusional superiority not to be tolerated in the dismisser... which is why i was involved in so many class wars growing up...
    Do you yell? Explode? Get physical?

  3. #233
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Littlelostnf .. Retype it, i want to hear what you have to say on this.
    Personally takes a lot to have a breakdown, when i do though everyone feels it. Thank god it isn't often.

    Interesting. ideal type - ESTJ, real type - ESTJ
    Go figure!
    Siggggghhhhhh.....Ok but my place is a mess (I mean a SERIOUS mess) and I have a friend coming to visit for the day and evening and I REALLY should be cleaning but I have got to explain this. It's not going to be the same because I was on a roll..but I've thought of some examples.

    My ISFJ mother is very concerned about appearances. My ESFJ friend is also. I mean I'm sometimes amazed at how concerned they are. I tease them all the time and totally push the envelope with them when they are like..."behave" (mom..and I mean even now I'm grown and out of the house for years) or "Ohhhhh my goodness everyone is looking at us LLNF"...blah blah....my friend. Anyway they both get offended more easily than I do but they def don't have outburst about it. They hold on to real or perceived slights or offenses...but they will only discuss it with close friends or family. When they've had outbursts they will have them in private and only around people they trust. I think that's about keeping up appearances...on the other hand my ESFP niece, ENFP friend and INFP friend TOTALLY have outbursts in public and seem not to think a thing about it. I must say that it's my ESFP niece who is the worst with it but she's also the youngest of my examples. When my ENFP friend (this particular one I have lots) was younger she would have outburst and it didn't matter who was around. The INFP was prob the most private about it but she will say things quickly in outburst fashion that I would def keep to myself to think about more

    Things my P friends would say aloud I would keep to myself to keep thinking about it until I could say it one on one to the person I needed to say it to NOT to anyone else...def not causing a scene. When I have a problem with someone I want to keep it between that person without the world being in on it. To me it's about trying to maintain harmony and some peace. Having outbursts makes everyone have to be involved no matter if they want to or not. I just thought about the fact that yes part of this is about appearances. I don't want everyone to know my business. When I've had arguments or been upset with someone in my life and it's happened in a public place I keep the peace until I get somewhere private...however I will not stay around and be "fake" about my feelings and then flip out in private. I will leave...or ask to speak to them privately...but generally I'll remove myself from the situation to think about it and then talk to the person.

    Good grief I'm rattling on and on...I'm not even close to saying what I really wanted...I HATE losing posts! The other one was non personal and very much not an "I do this...and They do that" type of post like this one..

    Sorry saslou
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  4. #234
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Do you yell? Explode? Get physical?
    I don't know about the other ENFJ's here online but as for me...I go deadly quiet and the verbal whiplash comes out. I start with a SHOUT..to prove I'm serious about what I'm saying then I drop it down a million levels and go deadly cold and as emotionless as possible....that's when you know I'm furious.

    I have NEVER gotten physical...I've wanted to throw something but that physical part will come out in something that hurts me physically. I'll get a rash or something physical happens to me. Maybe I should start throwing and breaking things...maybe would have saved lots of hair I've lost and sleepless nights when I'm really pissed. (which again thank goodness doesn't happen often)

    Strong feelings...ALL THE TIME! Strong negative feelings...not so much. Maybe that's my saving grace..I'm pretty much a positive strong feeling person.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  5. #235
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Thank you ever so much for that Littlelostnf.

    I am going to take a snippet of what you have said and take it to my side of the woods and ask someone about this.
    I don't give a rats ass about appearance. I go out and look like crap, well its my problem. If people come round and my place is a mess, so be it.
    On this issue, i don't care what people think.
    More stuff to ponder over.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  6. #236
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I had to re-read this thread, but for me this is probably the number one reason why a relationship with an INTP wouldn't work out. I don't even see this so much with ISTPs.
    once again proving that the s/n designation is the biggest agent of change in the type set...

    istp neuroses are different from the intp version... they may echo each other on the surface, but the culmination and execution of those neuroses are almost never alike...

    i dated both a "high neurotic" istp and intp - both had their hang-ups and quirks, and both were a great deal more capable and intelligent than most of the populace, but their manner of coming unglued was nothing alike...

    I'm basing this on the four INTPs I know IRL and from what I see on the forum. Some of the best words that describe me is synergistic and exergonic.
    great words... you know i like 'ekpyrotic' myself...

    I release lots of energy, I've tried to change that I try to blunt it but it's just what happens.
    i was just discussing this with sis last night... she and i get along 99% of the time, but when we argue, it can get ridiculous really fast... she wound up asking me what it takes to keep me from going supernova and i said i had to be allowed to vent it (my preferred atmosphere for magma eruption is to be alone so i can concentrate on my own feelings and not be concerned about or contaminated/harangued by the feelings of others around me)... this is me in an extreme form, under protracted stress that doesn't let up...

    but even when i'm not upset/angry, i'm high octane and i've had trouble accepting that for some reason, like it's a personal failure somehow...


    The INTPs I know seem so retiring to me, like they should be in some quiet library pondering the secrets of the universe that I have no doubt they will eventually figure out or sitting on a rock next to a tranquil pond. My INTP friend is the one who introduced me to MBTI and she said I scared the hell out of her when we first met. We were roommates in college and I was the first one in our apartment. While I was away at work, she moved in and went out to run errands. Then I came in and saw someone was finally there and was sitting on her bed when she came in and she alleges I assaulted her although I don't really remember that.
    funny

    My energy and apparent lack of INTP energy makes me feel like I have to squelch essential parts of myself to keep from discomforting them which eventually ends of discomforting me and I'll begin to act out. Also having a strong emotional connection with another person is important to me and I like cogitating about relationships in all their various forms and talking about them and thinking of ways it can be better and it seems like this just tires INTPs out. It seems like INTPs have problems sustaining that energy and it would be best to be with someone who doesn't require so much, so I guess basically someone who is lower maintenance. Even having to explain why it's important or why such maintenance needs to happen turns me off because (and here I am thinking with my Fe brain) it seems obvious why it needs to be cultivated and maintained.
    i've met intps who "get" it and have a great deal of backbone and aren't easily broken (they're all married, btw, b/c a guy like that isn't going to stay single), but i've also had a lot of trouble in general with introverted intuitive males taking one look at me and either trying to throw a saddle on me/control me, or just balking like i'm going to eat their soul and if i wanted to, the eating of their soul would be a BAD thing... Ss aren't nearly so freaked out by this for whatever reason... ISxPs have been the most accepting of my nature and have even told me they're "proud" of the way I am which was a sort of kindness that they accorded me without trying but affected me deeply... just recently, a longtime isfp male friend of mine told me that he loved me for my fire and crankiness, and i swear i felt tears coming to my eyes because it something i'm so mortified about...

    granted, my entp liked to light fires under me for the pyrotechnic effect... they don't mind a little brinksmanship and scorched eyebrows... he would get very concerned when i stopped speaking or making my rounds to pat people and inquire about their health...

    I feel like it's easier for me to swing to the INTP side of things for an INTP to swing to mine. I just feel like a lot of resentment would begin to simmer in the relationship and it would just end badly if I constantly have to guide someone through the relationship jungle.
    interesting...

  7. #237
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post

    In conclusion: we better be sleeping together for you to get all of us.
    explain!


    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Do you yell? Explode? Get physical?
    i *abhor* physicality... i find anyone laying hands on me deeply violating and therefore don't do it myself... i had someone throw a drink in my face years ago and it was mortifying... upset me for days, just as much as if they'd hit me...

    i've been known to yell but that's not the valley, that's just the shoulder... the valley is full of eerie stillness and cold and pared down almost robotic statements... most of the mid-range arguments are sharp tones, but perhaps not yelling... i yell with my sister, and maybe my mother... i have to be pretty mad...


    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    I don't know about the other ENFJ's here online but as for me...I go deadly quiet and the verbal whiplash comes out. I start with a SHOUT..to prove I'm serious about what I'm saying then I drop it down a million levels and go deadly cold and as emotionless as possible....that's when you know I'm furious.
    that's me maxed out...

    I have NEVER gotten physical...I've wanted to throw something but that physical part will come out in something that hurts me physically. I'll get a rash or something physical happens to me. Maybe I should start throwing and breaking things...maybe would have saved lots of hair I've lost and sleepless nights when I'm really pissed. (which again thank goodness doesn't happen often)
    oh i used to throw things all the time... i managed to get the phone stuck in a wall once, kicked a door off it's track, broke a window... i haven't done any such thing for a very long time now because i get this sick feeling when i've 'harmed' something, inanimate objects, seeing the result of my intense anger... i don't hit people or animals... i don't throw things anymore... it was a really bad time and i was barely hanging on...

    Strong feelings...ALL THE TIME! Strong negative feelings...not so much. Maybe that's my saving grace..I'm pretty much a positive strong feeling person.
    i come from a regrettably dark past and it's shaped me... in my natural state, i automatically want to believe in the goodness of humanity and in a good outcome...

  8. #238
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    explain!
    You don't get to see the dark parts unless you're really special, like a romantic partner.

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    i *abhor* physicality... i find anyone laying hands on me deeply violating and therefore don't do it myself... i had someone throw a drink in my face years ago and it was mortifying... upset me for days, just as much as if they'd hit me...
    wait...

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    oh i used to throw things all the time... i managed to get the phone stuck in a wall once, kicked a door off it's track, broke a window... i haven't done any such thing for a very long time now because i get this sick feeling when i've 'harmed' something, inanimate objects, seeing the result of my intense anger... i don't hit people or animals... i don't throw things anymore... it was a really bad time and i was barely hanging on...
    I call that "physical".

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    i've been known to yell but that's not the valley, that's just the shoulder... the valley is full of eerie stillness and cold and pared down almost robotic statements... most of the mid-range arguments are sharp tones, but perhaps not yelling... i yell with my sister, and maybe my mother... i have to be pretty mad...
    Yes, my wife says she knows I'm really mad when I get very quiet and calm when I talk.

  9. #239
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    You don't get to see the dark parts unless you're really special, like a romantic partner.

    That's funny...an INTP friend I had I actually said that to him. This is something I don't need to experience unless we're sleeping together and we weren't, just good friends. I think he showed me more than he really wanted to but it was just easy like that. Prob one of the reasons we're not still really friends. I don't think his wife or he could handle it.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  10. #240
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    That's funny...an INTP friend I had I actually said that to him. This is something I don't need to experience unless we're sleeping together and we weren't, just good friends. I think he showed me more than he really wanted to but it was just easy like that. Prob one of the reasons we're not still really friends. I don't think his wife or he could handle it.
    Yeah, now you're getting into mind/soulmate territory.

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