1)I sometimes dk how to talk/write to say what I mean without explaining too much, misunderstanding, etc...
Sometimes I'm unable to say what I mean in words.
2)I can like both alone time & being with others, but as I'm a lil shy/socially anxious, some types of social situations or interacting with some ppl can decrease my energy level & make me tired.
In known or new situations, If the person (or a group/atmosphere,etc) is warm, or normal but friendly, comfy, talkative, cheerful, open, &...Idk...gives me good vibes, I find myself enjoying that person/them, wanting to spend time with them, receiving energy & joy from them & being me.
Otherwise, (If I feel that they probably don't like me, with serious ppl & with quiet or judgemental ppl, or in formal situations) I act cold & serious & being with them hurts/drains me.
3)I do like having me time, but sometimes I even join some classes to meet new ppl, & If I join a class or go somewhere & find no good friends there, I lose interest & going to that places becomes frustrating.
4)I sometimes love thinking about abstract ideas & metaphysical theories, etc in my head, & I sometimes enjoy talking about them with a like minded or impartial person, but I hate being active in debates. I'd rather keep my ideas for myself or just talk about them to similar minded ppl.
In debates, I act defensive & may break hearts & become heartbroken.
5)I have a hard time finding friends. I can act serious in some places, & have trust issue.
6)I enjoy being with family/close relatives more than friends. & sometimes, I skip my friends, just to spend more time with family/close relatives. I think I'm more comfy around them, can trust them more & can be "me" around them.
So sometimes my family members think I'm antisocial.
7)I usually communicate with ppl through activities (rather than conversations). Sometimes a real logical intellectual person can turn me on & make me interested by his great ideas, but I rarely open up to ppl that way. That's why I prefer S types more (as friends).
8)I enjoy trying new things, joining some new classes & learning new skills, esp with a good companion.
9)I enjoy having good friends (which I rarely have). I watch movies & see good friends & become jealous of them, but still haven't found the right friend/group.
Also, I realized that I do love having good friends & doing activities together, but I usually try not to be dependent & hate dependent friends who always ask for favors & need help or ask private questions.
10)I hate ppl who always want to do what u do, or buy what u buy.
I try to be original & hate it when some ppl want to do what I do.
11)I can write & talk to strangers on-line, but IRL I'm unable to talk about my emotions or ideas or what's in my mind with ppl. & I hate "we need to talk". & I have phobia of arguing.
12)I sometimes have difficulty saying "No" or standing up for myself. In those situation I start hating that person. I either avoid that person, act passive aggressive, or plot a revenge in my head. I may do it or just keep it to myself.
13)I'm really sensitive when it comes to ppl. I try to read between the lines, read their minds, care about their actions & body language, & analyze what they say. & I'm a true pessimist (paranoid).That's one of the reasons I hate socializing.
14)I can get eally nostalgic. About places, ppl, or events.
(Whenever my grandma/pa leaves our house I say things like ; yesterday this times s/he was here, she drank water with this glass, she told me this, came to this street, etc)
15)I also collect things that remind me of those memories, & try not to forget that event.
(I had a surgery & I collected everything I could from that day & tried to remember everything about that day.
I kinda knew it as a sacred memory that I shouldn't share it with all ppl.
16)When it comes to knowledge, skills, art, etc...I'd rather keep it to myself or share it with a few close ppl. What I know can be one of my secrets.
17)I wish I was popular, but I'm not. Popularity would give me energy,
19)I love learning new languages, cultures, travelling & new places.
20)I may love staying home after a busy day. But in normal days, I'm outdoorsy & energetic. Staying home makes me crazy. But I'd rather go out with family/close friends than alone (most of the times).
21)I love eating exotic food, playing sports, going to gym, etc
22)In classes, If I don't like the subject, I become distant & start daydreaming & become sleepy.
23)I prefer working alone to team work Cruz I want to do it my way, & I'm scared that others use me or I feel left out.
24)although I'm not really J, I get annoyed if Things don't go my way. I love to-do lists & I plan but not always go by it.
25) sometimes, I like to make friends, but I'm afraid that they use me or back stab me.
26)Irl, Idk how to hold a conversation & Idk what to talk about. But If I know the subject & like it, I can talk. But in general, I'm not a good story teller, esp around ppl I'm uncomfy with.
27)I have ocd & sometimes become mentally masochist.
28)when talking to ppl, I usually try to speak directly. I try not to make jokes or play pranks Cuz I don't want to annoy ppl. Unless I'm really comfy with that person.
29)I get offended easily.
30)Irl, I try to keep to myself. I'm awful at small talk & banter. When chatting, esp group chatting, I get stressed, confused & analyze everything. I'm not good at it & if ppl don't pay attention to me, I get offended & depressed.
So I try to stay away from it.
31)under stress, I become really anxious.
In acting, I'm an improviser, but In talking, I usually plan what I want to say.
32)I enjoy active & talkative ppl a lot. But If I don't like a place,I become quiet & detached.
33)As a kid, I was really active, didn't care about what others think or say, but at about age 14, I became Self consious & socially anxious & depressed. I wish I could change, I hate my life.
35)I can't connect with ppl emotionally. & I'm so boring. Idk how to be funny. Idk how to have charisma & attract ppl. Most of the times, if we are 3 friends, I'm the one who is left out.
*****I know my post is too long, but I thought about my list a lot Cuz I really want to know the answers.
Also, I's it me or my shadow? I hate who I am.
Ask other questions if necessary.