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  1. #1
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    Default Understanding but not directly admitting it

    Most of the time I understand way more than what I let others imagine, but I'll pretend I don't because sometimes it's just "better" that way. I'm a very calm and peaceful person; I avoid conflicts because most of the time there is no need for them. Most issues can be solved peacefully, calmly and elegantly and if it costs me little effort, I'll try to make my environment peaceful. I won't give a shit about the issue when the other person is unreasonable and would make reasoning with them just a waste of energy; in that case I'll just send them to hell and ignore them.

    When someone is pissed off at me, I know it. I can clearly spot all those different than usual particulars, but I won't directly address the issue. Instead, I'll pretend I haven't understood that they are angry at me and I'll try to understand why in the meantime. Once I "get" what's wrong, and it's always a misunderstanding because of how I express myself, I non-chalantly say some things that makes the other person indirectly understand that he/she misunderstood and so the issue is solved.

    If you saw the scene in 3rd person, you would think that A got angry at B because A thinks that B was being cold/heartless/asshole/unfriendly/angry, and so A is all grumpy and cold but then A slowly realizes that B isn't actually angry/cold/whatever and that he's rambling about his usual stuff and is totally unaware of any conflict between them, and so A gets back to normal and realizes that it was all a misunderstanding, thinking "Oh, I was so stupid /facepalm, he's like always so he didn't mean it like that!".

    However, B actually knew that A thought there were some unresolved conflicts and acted "normal" in order to make A understand that nothing had changed between them. I'm often misunderstood. I'm different from most of the people I usually meet and rarely will they accept a different view on the world in general. I understand why they don't understand me, but most of the time I won't change myself to please others. They have to accept the different just like I do with them. I could make things easier by telling them why I do this and that and "justify" myself, but I don't owe anyone any explanation. I do understand but I refuse to acknowledge it and I continue to act like myself.



    There are some other times when I clearly understand what the other people want to get at; I can clearly see all the set up of the conversation and how they started it and all the small talk before it that so obviously prepares for the real goal of the conversation. I can clearly see all of it, but I'll pretend I don't and act dumb.

    There are times when my female colleague, who sees in me a very good friend, tries to share her problems with me by indirectly telling me the issue. I know she wants me to comfort her, I know she just wants to be listened, I know she would like to hear my opinion, I know all of it. But I won't tag along. If I'm not in the mood, I'll pretend I don't know what she wants from me and dismiss her with a "whatever" or "ok". If I'm in the mood... well, that's worse, because I'll "tease" her until she spits out what she actually wants. I don't know why I enjoy this morbid game of extracting the truth from others. I enjoy hearing them say it out clear. I know what they mean but I want them to clearly say it.

    I also hate when other people try to sugarcoat things and I'll do everything to make them spit the harsh truth and be the most direct possible. I'm a seeker of truth.



    Sometimes I just refuse to show that I understood because it goes against my "character".



    What do you call this? Why do I do this (I can brainstorm many ideas as to why I do this, but I would like to know what's the more probable reason)? Do you do this as well? Also, from a 3rd point of view, someone could say that I lack empathy and don't understand emotions. I convinced myself of this as well but then I realized that I understand waaaay more than what others see, waaay more. Is this some kind of silent empathy? What cognitive functions are at play here? Do you smell INTP in this post ? Or perhaps INFJ or some other type?

  2. #2
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    This all sounds incredibly passive-aggressive, especially after your comment about avoiding conflict. I don't think it's that you misunderstand emotion or lack empathy. I think you see people playing mind games (by not directly saying things) and since they don't, you want to play the game because you think you can play it better. I smell something here and it smells shitty. And not very INTJ.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes Zero-11, Jaguar liked this post

  3. #3
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    24 guests on this thread though, for real? lmao

  4. #4
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    i don't know if it's type related but where i'm from that's called being a weasel. p.s. I didn't read all the of the op, 5 paragraphs??? psshhh don't care enough to bother.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #5
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    INFJ period!

  6. #6
    is indra's Avatar
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    How contrived, ironically

  7. #7
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    So you're a "seeker of truth", but you intentionally deceive others by playing dumb and pretending not to understand them, in order to avoid conflict?

    I just... wow. The hypocrisy is strong with this one.

  8. #8
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    So you're a "seeker of truth", but you intentionally deceive others by playing dumb and pretending not to understand them, in order to avoid conflict?

    I just... wow. The hypocrisy is strong with this one.
    is it hypocritical if you don't play dumb but people assume you are, and you've just stopped arguing cuz it's too much fucking effort and they're not gonna change, and you don't care about them because of some reason?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #9
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    The op is kind of confusing but in a more serious answer

    Ni is hit and miss. I've had times where I was so sure I was linking in to some hidden dynamic but was just being paranoid, times where I was linked in but departing at the wrong station, and times where I wasn't and something came seemingly out of nowhere. You can't go around saying it's this and that way - I've done it before, embarrassingly - when you actually don't know for sure. That's how you create problems where they previously didn't exist.

    I've also had times where someone was pissed at me for something I didn't even do, and those times are genuinely confusing. None of it would happen if people would just be open from the get go.

  10. #10
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    Thanks for the frank disclosure on your lack of emotional intelligence. What do you do for an encore?

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