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Thread: Cold Fe doms?

  1. #1
    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Default Cold Fe doms?

    I used to have no doubt in my Fe-ness, until my mum said this to me (and I have to say I do agree with her)- I told her about how my friends and I were discussing about who would get married first out of the bunch, and they said I'd be the second (after my IXFP friend, who will probably get married at 18 and divorce when she's 19 xD), and she said this:

    "I can see why people would think that you will be the first to marry, but really I don't think you'll get married so fast. In all your life, I've never seen you in love. You don't fall in love. I think if you will fall in love, it would take time until you actually realize you're in love, and you're a bit idealistic about this, you won't marry for nothing unless it's out of love. But the thing is, you're controlled more by reason, and not feelings. Even your emotions are repressed my logic!"

    And this brought me back into thinking I am an EXTJ, a while, while back when I just started to learn MBTI. I'll tell you what: I am conflict avoidant, I think of the wellfare of the group, I like helping people, I am a diplomat and when people are being selfish and impolite it's really annoying me. I am crazily polite and I am very nice, I care about making a good first impressuion. However, on the inside I don't feel much, I'm not good with taking care of someone's physical needs, I'm strict with the rules (to a fault), people who are stupid and lazy also annoys me to no end, I care about efficiency, I am very motivated, I don't fall in love and used to be quite of a cold person (until the last few years).

    So all i'm asking, are there any EXFJs who can relate or should I try finding a different type?

  2. #2
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    @Hard (no tea, no shade)
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    Likes Hard, EJCC liked this post

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    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Yep I relate a lot. I will write more later
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


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    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    Yep I relate a lot. I will write more later
    I'd love that, thank you!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    @Hard (no tea, no shade)
    Wow everyone's stealing my profile pic... They must like it then
    "...Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.
    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."
    -The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

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    Quote Originally Posted by LanaBanana View Post
    I used to have no doubt in my Fe-ness, until my mum said this to me (and I have to say I do agree with her)- I told her about how my friends and I were discussing about who would get married first out of the bunch, and they said I'd be the second (after my IXFP friend, who will probably get married at 18 and divorce when she's 19 xD), and she said this:

    "I can see why people would think that you will be the first to marry, but really I don't think you'll get married so fast. In all your life, I've never seen you in love. You don't fall in love. I think if you will fall in love, it would take time until you actually realize you're in love, and you're a bit idealistic about this, you won't marry for nothing unless it's out of love. But the thing is, you're controlled more by reason, and not feelings. Even your emotions are repressed my logic!"

    And this brought me back into thinking I am an EXTJ, a while, while back when I just started to learn MBTI. I'll tell you what: I am conflict avoidant, I think of the wellfare of the group, I like helping people, I am a diplomat and when people are being selfish and impolite it's really annoying me. I am crazily polite and I am very nice, I care about making a good first impressuion. However, on the inside I don't feel much, I'm not good with taking care of someone's physical needs, I'm strict with the rules (to a fault), people who are stupid and lazy also annoys me to no end, I care about efficiency, I am very motivated, I don't fall in love and used to be quite of a cold person (until the last few years).

    So all i'm asking, are there any EXFJs who can relate or should I try finding a different type?

    It's completely normal. It's okay. You seem like an amazing person. And yeah, I think you are an ESFJ. Here's why:
    •You have a strict observance of rules
    •You are polite
    •You seem like a nice person
    •From what I can tell is that you like commitment
    "...Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.
    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."
    -The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

  7. #7
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mychemicalkilljoy View Post
    Wow everyone's stealing my profile pic... They must like it then
    Um...? Our pics are different.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


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    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mychemicalkilljoy View Post
    It's completely normal. It's okay. You seem like an amazing person. And yeah, I think you are an ESFJ. Here's why:
    •You have a strict observance of rules
    •You are polite
    •You seem like a nice person
    •From what I can tell is that you like commitment
    Thank you! I'm just really confused to be honest.

  9. #9
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    There is a common misnomer that Fe is sweet, nice, friendly, open, warm, and candid to everyone. It's just not true. Fe is about making decisions and determinations based off the external environment in a subjective manner. Often, this sort of thing usually links with the afformentioned adjectives, because by it's nature it takes heavily into account the human element, and a general understanding of what that is and what it must be. Interestingly, in order for Fe to be effective, it needs to be detached at some distance from other individuals. In some, it creates a superficially glib persona where one is friendly and open, but it doesn't go into the core of the person very far. This allows for Fe to be engaging and good at doing what it does, but keeping enough distance to hold on to some levels of impartiality, and allow it to go from one thing to the next with minimal hinderence. Like Te, Fe does want efficiency and correctness, it just goes about it differently.

    With myself at least, I have many friends, and am close to many, but being deeply close with someone is rare, and for me anyway is extremely difficult to do. When my emotions are truly open, my normal modes of operating, making decisions, and keeping things in control essentially shut down. With no tools at my disposal I feel exposed and improper which are two things that cause me a great level of distress. Why? Because being reasonable isn't possible when those two things are in play, which brings me to the point that Fe is very reasonable. It's a rational function, just on matters that are inheriently irrational (the human element). This is why Fe is usually quite good at cutting through the emotional fog of others and being able to offer advice to others. It's a lot of where the stereotype of ENFJ's being teachers comes from. Where as with Te, it needs to remove all emotionality entirely to gain a true prospective, Fe understand that emotions are important, and must be considered to garner the whole picture, but it does not want to be clouded by emotions. It seeks to cut through that. Neither is right or wrong, they both aim for the same goal, but they just weigh different factors.

    It's for all of this that Fe can be quite cold. In my experience, the ENFP's I know are far warmer than I am, and other Fe doms that I know. It's because that rawness and honesty is very important to Fi. Fe regards that as unimportant unless the situation calls for it. It's much more goal oriented, and less caring about the exact path taken.

    Like you, I don't really enjoy taking care of someone elses physical needs. I am poor at it in general. I am also very strict with rules (but I am also a 1w2 so it's way amplified), and I also identify with the other points you made. All of this things can and do apply to Fe.

    On some levels I don't think it's possible for me to fall in love, as I don't think I have ever felt love towards someone. Maybe my mother, but that's a different kind of love, and I question it anyway. I've never been in a relationship, and I am not sure if I could be in one because of the vulnerability it requires. Like what was told to you, if it can happen, it will likely become clear in hindsight and will just sort of happen largely due to the other person, not my own doing.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari

    Likes Eilonwy, Sanjuro, 00c liked this post

  10. #10
    Senior Member LanaBanana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    There is a common misnomer that Fe is sweet, nice, friendly, open, warm, and candid to everyone. It's just not true. Fe is about making decisions and determinations based off the external environment in a subjective manner. Often, this sort of thing usually links with the afformentioned adjectives, because by it's nature it takes heavily into account the human element, and a general understanding of what that is and what it must be. Interestingly, in order for Fe to be effective, it needs to be detached at some distance from other individuals. In some, it creates a superficially glib persona where one is friendly and open, but it doesn't go into the core of the person very far. This allows for Fe to be engaging and good at doing what it does, but keeping enough distance to hold on to some levels of impartiality, and allow it to go from one thing to the next with minimal hinderence. Like Te, Fe does want efficiency and correctness, it just goes about it differently.

    With myself at least, I have many friends, and am close to many, but being deeply close with someone is rare, and for me anyway is extremely difficult to do. When my emotions are truly open, my normal modes of operating, making decisions, and keeping things in control essentially shut down. With no tools at my disposal I feel exposed and improper which are two things that cause me a great level of distress. Why? Because being reasonable isn't possible when those two things are in play, which brings me to the point that Fe is very reasonable. It's a rational function, just on matters that are inheriently irrational (the human element). This is why Fe is usually quite good at cutting through the emotional fog of others and being able to offer advice to others. It's a lot of where the stereotype of ENFJ's being teachers comes from. Where as with Te, it needs to remove all emotionality entirely to gain a true prospective, Fe understand that emotions are important, and must be considered to garner the whole picture, but it does not want to be clouded by emotions. It seeks to cut through that. Neither is right or wrong, they both aim for the same goal, but they just weigh different factors.

    It's for all of this that Fe can be quite cold. In my experience, the ENFP's I know are far warmer than I am, and other Fe doms that I know. It's because that rawness and honesty is very important to Fi. Fe regards that as unimportant unless the situation calls for it. It's much more goal oriented, and less caring about the exact path taken.

    Like you, I don't really enjoy taking care of someone elses physical needs. I am poor at it in general. I am also very strict with rules (but I am also a 1w2 so it's way amplified), and I also identify with the other points you made. All of this things can and do apply to Fe.

    On some levels I don't think it's possible for me to fall in love, as I don't think I have ever felt love towards someone. Maybe my mother, but that's a different kind of love, and I question it anyway. I've never been in a relationship, and I am not sure if I could be in one because of the vulnerability it requires. Like what was told to you, if it can happen, it will likely become clear in hindsight and will just sort of happen largely due to the other person, not my own doing.
    This sounds exactly like me (except maybe the last part because I have experienced love, but not romantic one). This is helped so much, thank you!!

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