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Thread: Cold Fe doms?

  1. #11
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LanaBanana View Post
    I'll tell you what: I am conflict avoidant, I think of the wellfare of the group, I like helping people, I am a diplomat and when people are being selfish and impolite it's really annoying me. I am crazily polite and I am very nice, I care about making a good first impressuion.
    I see you identify as social dominant. From my perspective everything you've said here can be accounted for by that and none of these things in particular point to Fe.

    So, said in another way, if you are social dominant you are going to feel this way about groups regardless of what MBTI type you identify with. It is not unusual for Fi to mistake itself for Fe as a result. I am INFP and so dom and relate to what you've written above.

    Now, the kicker would be if you identify with social dominance because you're Fe wired. So, in this you need to get away from looking at behaviour to identify type and really study the functions themselves to get a feel for what functions you most identify with. Are you in need of resources? There are some good links here on the forum for that.

    And yes, Fe can be cold-to-the-depths-of-hell-frozen-over-solid kind of cold.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    ā€• Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    ā€• Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    There is a common misnomer that Fe is sweet, nice, friendly, open, warm, and candid to everyone. It's just not true. Fe is about making decisions and determinations based off the external environment in a subjective manner. Often, this sort of thing usually links with the afformentioned adjectives, because by it's nature it takes heavily into account the human element, and a general understanding of what that is and what it must be. Interestingly, in order for Fe to be effective, it needs to be detached at some distance from other individuals. In some, it creates a superficially glib persona where one is friendly and open, but it doesn't go into the core of the person very far. This allows for Fe to be engaging and good at doing what it does, but keeping enough distance to hold on to some levels of impartiality, and allow it to go from one thing to the next with minimal hinderence. Like Te, Fe does want efficiency and correctness, it just goes about it differently.

    With myself at least, I have many friends, and am close to many, but being deeply close with someone is rare, and for me anyway is extremely difficult to do. When my emotions are truly open, my normal modes of operating, making decisions, and keeping things in control essentially shut down. With no tools at my disposal I feel exposed and improper which are two things that cause me a great level of distress. Why? Because being reasonable isn't possible when those two things are in play, which brings me to the point that Fe is very reasonable. It's a rational function, just on matters that are inheriently irrational (the human element). This is why Fe is usually quite good at cutting through the emotional fog of others and being able to offer advice to others. It's a lot of where the stereotype of ENFJ's being teachers comes from. Where as with Te, it needs to remove all emotionality entirely to gain a true prospective, Fe understand that emotions are important, and must be considered to garner the whole picture, but it does not want to be clouded by emotions. It seeks to cut through that. Neither is right or wrong, they both aim for the same goal, but they just weigh different factors.

    It's for all of this that Fe can be quite cold. In my experience, the ENFP's I know are far warmer than I am, and other Fe doms that I know. It's because that rawness and honesty is very important to Fi. Fe regards that as unimportant unless the situation calls for it. It's much more goal oriented, and less caring about the exact path taken.

    Like you, I don't really enjoy taking care of someone elses physical needs. I am poor at it in general. I am also very strict with rules (but I am also a 1w2 so it's way amplified), and I also identify with the other points you made. All of this things can and do apply to Fe.

    On some levels I don't think it's possible for me to fall in love, as I don't think I have ever felt love towards someone. Maybe my mother, but that's a different kind of love, and I question it anyway. I've never been in a relationship, and I am not sure if I could be in one because of the vulnerability it requires. Like what was told to you, if it can happen, it will likely become clear in hindsight and will just sort of happen largely due to the other person, not my own doing.
    According to my friends I fit fe except for the friendly part... I'm not shy but I don't open up easily and I am VERY selective about my friends, and the friends I have I am very close with...
    "...Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.
    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and Iā€”
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."
    -The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

  3. #13
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    I second what @Hard said. Worth noting, also, that as a Te-dom I have sometimes been shocked by the cold and often ruthless way in which Fe-doms deal with their own emotions and those of others.

    (Two warnings/prefaces: 1. "shocked" includes "impressed" -- I don't know how they do it; and 2. I'm about to ramble a LOT and the accuracy of my rambling is not guaranteed.)

    Fe-doms handle emotions in the same way that Te-doms handle impersonal and external things, so, in my experience, when you put both of those pairs of types (ExFJs and ExTJs) into emotionally tense situations, the ExFJs will handle it in a way that comes across as more detached. Whereas the ExTJs will revert to inferior Fi mode and become overwhelmed both by their own emotions and an empathetic projection of the other person's emotions -- trapped in that chaos and rendered nearly incapable of the emotion-defusing action that comes so naturally to ExFJs. If ExTJs DO end up reacting in a detached way, they will not be addressing emotions at all -- they will have completely repressed that chaos and will be addressing external and impersonal factors, assuming that the emotions will go away if their impersonal, external cause is removed.

    Which relates to another thing that I've noticed about Te vs. Fe -- and, again, I'm rambling -- both types tend to categorize in order to act, but Fe can put feelings and emotional reactions into categories. Whereas for Te, emotions are viewed in a similar (but less healthy) way to how IxFPs see them: nebulous, difficult to define -- ebbing and flowing like the tide. ExTJs are generally alarmed by the fact that they "can't be categorized" -- note that ExFJs have no trouble with that! -- but IxFPs just ride the wave.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    All Fe doms are cold. They just dress warmly.

    /hard truths out of nowhere
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    EJs and IPs have a T/F exterior which means it is the first thing you notice. The auxiliary and tertiary are the Core of the Shell.

    T: rational F: emotional
    N: crazy S: normal

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    Honeyed Water thoughtlost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I second what @Hard said. Worth noting, also, that as a Te-dom I have sometimes been shocked by the cold and often ruthless way in which Fe-doms deal with their own emotions and those of others.

    (Two warnings/prefaces: 1. "shocked" includes "impressed" -- I don't know how they do it; and 2. I'm about to ramble a LOT and the accuracy of my rambling is not guaranteed.)

    Fe-doms handle emotions in the same way that Te-doms handle impersonal and external things, so, in my experience, when you put both of those pairs of types (ExFJs and ExTJs) into emotionally tense situations, the ExFJs will handle it in a way that comes across as more detached. Whereas the ExTJs will revert to inferior Fi mode and become overwhelmed both by their own emotions and an empathetic projection of the other person's emotions -- trapped in that chaos and rendered nearly incapable of the emotion-defusing action that comes so naturally to ExFJs. If ExTJs DO end up reacting in a detached way, they will not be addressing emotions at all -- they will have completely repressed that chaos and will be addressing external and impersonal factors, assuming that the emotions will go away if their impersonal, external cause is removed.

    Which relates to another thing that I've noticed about Te vs. Fe -- and, again, I'm rambling -- both types tend to categorize in order to act, but Fe can put feelings and emotional reactions into categories. Whereas for Te, emotions are viewed in a similar (but less healthy) way to how IxFPs see them: nebulous, difficult to define -- ebbing and flowing like the tide. ExTJs are generally alarmed by the fact that they "can't be categorized" -- note that ExFJs have no trouble with that! -- but IxFPs just ride the wave.
    example time! EXAMPLE TIME!!!!!!!

    ...please? <3
    You are so arbitrary.

  7. #17
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Dear God, typing from function analysis is as crazy as frenology.

    A couple of examples of the intricacies you can get.

    My sister is an ENFJ but she doesn't care if people approve of her or not. She can do great with social warmth but can be as cold as ice when she has decided to be so. She can use her emotional state and control it quite well but still pitches hissy fits.

    My father is a positive feedback ENTJ and he really does care about acceptance. He's not that good with emotion but is a warm and caring person, he just doesn't do big displays, you have to look to see the care.

    Neither would appear to the untrained MBTI person as their type but both have the exact strengths and weaknesses of their type. They just behave differently to what is written in the books. What's in the books is theory and often polarised for clarity.

    I am certain of their types because my father is an accredited examiner and holds a degree in psychology. Also as a management consultant who's been using psychometrics for about 20 years he's familiar with exceptions and other facets.

    Hence there is a bloke I know who although being an ENFP, he displays a want for detail and neatness and precision uncommon in other ENFPs. However his P was quashed when he was young so he's adapted to his environment.

    You lost certainly can't type people from a crude tick list. You can estimate only. Hell, half the tests state that you are your own judge and you accepting the test result is a test of the test.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?
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  8. #18
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    They just behave differently to what is written in the books. What's in the books is theory and often polarised for clarity.
    Indeed. Behaviour does not predicate type.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    ā€• Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    ā€• Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  9. #19
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Indeed. Behaviour does not predicate type.
    And vice versa.

    I'm oft quoting my father's
    "A implies B does not imply that B implies A".

    So much so my friend says it should be written upon my headstone.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?
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  10. #20
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Because Feeling in this system is rational reasoning, not emotion. Te categorizes in an impersonal, technical way, and Fe categorizes according to what is of value to humans. Obviously, to fully grasp what is of value to humans, emotional signals must be taken into account. That's the connection of Feeling with emotion, not that someone is necessarily warm or makes decisions directly with emotion. These extroverted judging types focus more on application in the external world, in order to accomplish stuff, influence people, etc. So Fe types often USE emotional expression (which is different from experiencing emotion internally) to communicate value, to influence others and to build rapport to accomplish stuff, etc. That can make some of them take on a warm personality, but not all of them. I think it was in Dario Nardi's book (not scientific, but suggests some interesting ideas...it did brain mapping) that the Fe types were shown to not be experiencing emotion when speaking with strong expressions of value and perhaps even appearing to be using emotion in their face, hands, etc.

    Ti and Fi don't categorize really, but that's because of the focus on the inner world, so instead of categorizing, there's exploratiom, creation, and refinement of what logic and value even are.

    Interestingly, Jung groups types by I/E first, then by P/J (ie or rational and irrational). He doesn't group the Thinking types and Feeling types separately, and he doesnt define one as more rational.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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