• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

INTx expressing feelings?

black

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2014
Messages
25
MBTI Type
INTJ
Hi there

I've always scored INTJ with the occasional INTP result. A common pattern between the two is the difficulty in expressing emotions or the seemingly cold attitude and the high amount of importance and relevance given to logic and rationality and that is true for me as well.

However, there is a person for whom I express my feelings very well. It's a girl I've always loved and she gets all the repressed affection that I haven't given to anyone for years. I'd spend days cuddling together and kissing her and protecting her and in no way I would neglect her needs. I didn't think I would have said this, but she's the most important person in my life. She made me understand that I can actually care for someone else other than me.

However, I keep reading that INTx types do not show/express their feelings even when in a relationship, so I was wondering if perhaps I'm not an INTx but rather an INFx whose F got frozen, repressed, forgotten and shitted to the ground in favor of my T and is now emerging from the abyss, stronger than ever. I am 100% sure of the I and N letters, and I was also certain of the T (97% well), but this difference I have with the other INTx made me wonder if I could actually be a repressed F type.

How come many other INTx seem to neglect their loved one? How can they ignore them or not want to hug them 24/7? I'm sure the girl I love doesn't feel not loved. She's the only one who is allowed to see this side of me.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,195
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
First bit of advice: Be yourself. It doesn't really matter what your MBTI is, you seem to know who you are and are acting accordingly. So don't be tempted to let MBTI change how you respond.

But in terms of classification, I note your very last comment:

She's the only one who is allowed to see this side of me.

Being more emotionally vulnerable in a few key relationships behind the scenes sounds typical for any human being regardless of type. INTx's are not robots. I can sound kind of clinical in my daily relationships, but when I'm in a romantic relationship it gets much more vulnerable and intimate (with spontaneous shows of affection) even if I still can be detached at times in the relationship. Sometimes I wonder about myself, seeing how I can act in a private intimate relationship, since I'm tapping into parts of me that normally don't get accessed as much.

If the behavior is more pervasive across a variety of relationships, then perhaps it would be more indicative of something IMO.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
However, I keep reading that INTx types do not show/express their feelings even when in a relationship, so I was wondering if perhaps I'm not an INTx but rather an INFx whose F got frozen, repressed, forgotten and shitted to the ground in favor of my T and is now emerging from the abyss, stronger than ever. I am 100% sure of the I and N letters, and I was also certain of the T (97% well), but this difference I have with the other INTx made me wonder if I could actually be a repressed F type.

How come many other INTx seem to neglect their loved one? How can they ignore them or not want to hug them 24/7? I'm sure the girl I love doesn't feel not loved. She's the only one who is allowed to see this side of me.

The bolded is a bunch of shit. I do hug my ENFJ all the time, our kids, etc. Don't go off thinking you're not an INTJ just because you love someone and show it.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Being more emotionally vulnerable in a few key relationships behind the scenes sounds typical for any human being regardless of type. INTx's are not robots.
I can attest to this as well. I would add that, though INTx's are perfectly capable of showing considerable affection and intimacy in their closest relationships, our manner of doing so is often unusual. Hugging, cuddling, and physical affection and wanting to care for someone you love are pretty universal, but look at how you care, exactly what you do and say to express it. When other people (other types) are expecting other forms of expression, that can contribute to the stereotype of us being uniformly bad with intimacy and relationships.
 

Xander

Lex Parsimoniae
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,463
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9w8
Caring for others has little to do with type.

All NTs have a warm and fuzzy side. The ones who profess not to are usually more stringent about who they show it to, emotionally wounded or talking bs probably to score some daft points on some imaginary leaders board.

I've read a number of posts where people claim to be an NT because they are cold and have great logic... Thing is many NFs (especially male) will also claim great logic as they feel threatened by the whole scale being jacketed in maleness (which it shouldn't be).

On a separate point, you're probably an INTP with a stronger environment for planning. I'm told that it's more common for a P to test as a J than vice versa. Js tend to be more resolute and Ps just flex to accommodate.
 

grey_beard

The Typing Tabby
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
1,478
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
First bit of advice: Be yourself. It doesn't really matter what your MBTI is, you seem to know who you are and are acting accordingly. So don't be tempted to let MBTI change how you respond.

But in terms of classification, I note your very last comment:



Being more emotionally vulnerable in a few key relationships behind the scenes sounds typical for any human being regardless of type. INTx's are not robots. I can sound kind of clinical in my daily relationships, but when I'm in a romantic relationship it gets much more vulnerable and intimate (with spontaneous shows of affection) even if I still can be detached at times in the relationship. Sometimes I wonder about myself, seeing how I can act in a private intimate relationship, since I'm tapping into parts of me that normally don't get accessed as much.

If the behavior is more pervasive across a variety of relationships, then perhaps it would be more indicative of something IMO.

I can attest to this as well. I would add that, though INTx's are perfectly capable of showing considerable affection and intimacy in their closest relationships, our manner of doing so is often unusual. Hugging, cuddling, and physical affection and wanting to care for someone you love are pretty universal, but look at how you care, exactly what you do and say to express it. When other people (other types) are expecting other forms of expression, that can contribute to the stereotype of us being uniformly bad with intimacy and relationships.

Agreed with all the above posters. I have come to the conclusion that there are two ingredients to the INTJ approach to romance, which has led to the robotic stereotype. Well, OK, let's throw in a third.

The first is that (along with, say, INFPs), INTJs seem to take a long time to ripen, to become mature. Their maturity and ability to handle interpersonal relationships fraught with emotion, often lags by a considerable interval, the stirrings of sexual attraction. So it may often happen that an INTJ may ricochet painfully through a couple of relationships (even more so than the average clueless teenager); but more important, the type of errors they make, and their reserve, help create a "cold-hearted" reputation, which is not warranted once the INTJ grows up to their own potential.

The second is that INTJs tend to live life according to "management by exception" and to be stingier with praise than with [what they consider to to be] *constructive criticism*. Compared to many other types, who may be more effusive with their romantic sweet nothings, the INTJ may appear dour and hard-to-please.

And of course, the third is the legendary INTJ death stare...:doh:
 

Ene

Active member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
MBTI Type
iNfj
Enneagram
5w4
^ Um, I kind of like that death stare. It makes me feel like saying, "I'll see you that Ni glare and raise you..." Totally brings out the little dare devil in me, hehe, not to mention, the prankster.
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Messages
5,517
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
953
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
The main difference between INTx's and others isn't that we don't love/care for people. It's that we lack both skill and nuance. Humans are extremely complex, and INTx types approach the human side of things in very simple, black-and-white terms.

There is a huge fractal world of human experience, and sharing affection with only one person hides almost all of that from you. It's when you learn to open up (gradually, not completely) to other people in your life, that you learn how to handle people in general, to navigate them in all their fractal complexity. And the love/caring you share with other people teaches you how to even better treat the one special person in your life about whom you care so very deeply.
 

grey_beard

The Typing Tabby
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
1,478
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
^ Um, I kind of like that death stare. It makes me feel like saying, "I'll see you that Ni glare and raise you..." Totally brings out the little dare devil in me, hehe, not to mention, the prankster.

Prankster? PRANKSTER??!! ( [MENTION=20856]grey_beard[/MENTION], runs and hides, closing blinds behind him.)

There, I'm safe. Now you can't see me. :harhar:

- - - Updated - - -

The main difference between INTx's and others isn't that we don't love/care for people. It's that we lack both skill and nuance. Humans are extremely complex, and INTx types approach the human side of things in very simple, black-and-white terms.

There is a huge fractal world of human experience, and sharing affection with only one person hides almost all of that from you. It's when you learn to open up (gradually, not completely) to other people in your life, that you learn how to handle people in general, to navigate them in all their fractal complexity. And the love/caring you share with other people teaches you how to even better treat the one special person in your life about whom you care so very deeply.

Just D@mn, but you're right...
 

Xander

Lex Parsimoniae
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,463
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9w8
The main difference between INTx's and others isn't that we don't love/care for people. It's that we lack both skill and nuance. Humans are extremely complex, and INTx types approach the human side of things in very simple, black-and-white terms.

There is a huge fractal world of human experience, and sharing affection with only one person hides almost all of that from you. It's when you learn to open up (gradually, not completely) to other people in your life, that you learn how to handle people in general, to navigate them in all their fractal complexity. And the love/caring you share with other people teaches you how to even better treat the one special person in your life about whom you care so very deeply.

Depends upon your obsession actually. An INTP who's area of interest is people can do quite well at the subtlety.
 

Ene

Active member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
MBTI Type
iNfj
Enneagram
5w4
The main difference between INTx's and others isn't that we don't love/care for people. It's that we lack both skill and nuance. Humans are extremely complex, and INTx types approach the human side of things in very simple, black-and-white terms.

There is a huge fractal world of human experience, and sharing affection with only one person hides almost all of that from you. It's when you learn to open up (gradually, not completely) to other people in your life, that you learn how to handle people in general, to navigate them in all their fractal complexity. And the love/caring you share with other people teaches you how to even better treat the one special person in your life about whom you care so very deeply.

When I first read this I was like, "Yes, that's it." I think it is an awesome and accurate observation of the INTJ type, based on what I've learned thus far by reading and interacting.

However, when I read [MENTION=70]Xander[/MENTION]'s response my mind started going in a different direction. I am constantly surrounded by ISTJs in my daily life and everything you say of INTXs could also be said of them. They do feel, they have trouble with nuances and they do approach the human side of life in very simplistic black and white terms, which is why people so often misunderstand them as not having feelings. Of course they have feelings. They also feel deeply.

Could it be that what you describe is actually applicable to IxTJs as opposed to INTXs? I mean both INTJs and ISTJs share the same auxillary and tertiary functions. Perhaps, you have uncovered an aspect where these functions play out similarity in the two types.

If so, then is it likely that INTs, depending on their other functions, will not approach feelings and relationships the same way?

[MENTION=20856]grey_beard[/MENTION], tsk...tsk. Haven't you heard? My kind has ESP (that's what it says on the Internet and the Internet is like TV. If it's on there it must be true.) You can run but you can't hide. Just like Xavier, I can sense your thoughts, put on my helmet and locate you.
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Messages
5,517
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
953
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Yes, it's more generally applicable to all T types.

Xander is correct about INTPs, but that observation is correct about everyone. The brain is very plastic. The difference is how/where/when we end up learning what we learn. I think of type as identifying what we learn first. What's easy for us. What our "talents" are. There are a lot of people out there in typological internet land that think I must be INFJ, because I'm so good at dealing with emotions. That isn't the case. They're seeing me THINK ABOUT emotions. I put a lot of energy into it. Whereas the energy I put into my normal work day (which would drive most people crazy, but in which I thrive) is quite minimal. If emotions were easy for me, I'd not expend so much energy on them.

Or in dancing terms, I'm good as an 11 yr old dancer who started at age 3. Except I'm a 49 yr old dancer who started at age 41.
 

Rambling

New member
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
401
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
When I first read this I was like, "Yes, that's it." I think it is an awesome and accurate observation of the INTJ type, based on what I've learned thus far by reading and interacting.

However, when I read [MENTION=70]Xander[/MENTION]'s response my mind started going in a different direction. I am constantly surrounded by ISTJs in my daily life and everything you say of INTXs could also be said of them. They do feel, they have trouble with nuances and they do approach the human side of life in very simplistic black and white terms, which is why people so often misunderstand them as not having feelings. Of course they have feelings. They also feel deeply.

Could it be that what you describe is actually applicable to IxTJs as opposed to INTXs? I mean both INTJs and ISTJs share the same auxillary and tertiary functions. Perhaps, you have uncovered an aspect where these functions play out similarity in the two types.

If so, then is it likely that INTs, depending on their other functions, will not approach feelings and relationships the same way?

[MENTION=20856]grey_beard[/MENTION], tsk...tsk. Haven't you heard? My kind has ESP (that's what it says on the Internet and the Internet is like TV. If it's on there it must be true.) You can run but you can't hide. Just like Xavier, I can sense your thoughts, put on my helmet and locate you.

Yes, I think you are onto it here...I think it is about the Te-Fi axis for feelings and how they are experienced and expressed.

As a teacher I was trained on how to use what I now understand to be Fe, in order to teach and relate to a class. Many years later I am slowly discovering my own Fi and inner fluffy side.
 

Ene

Active member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
MBTI Type
iNfj
Enneagram
5w4
Yes, I think you are onto it here...I think it is about the Te-Fi axis for feelings and how they are experienced and expressed.

As a teacher I was trained on how to use what I now understand to be Fe, in order to teach and relate to a class. Many years later I am slowly discovering my own Fi and inner fluffy side.


Yes, the Te-Fi axis is exactly what I was driving at, but I didn't think to say it that way. You said it better.
Also, I know what you mean about being trained (or forced) to access and use functions that aren't quite so natural to you. I'm a teacher, too, and Si has been the dreaded thorn in my side from the get-go. It seems that The Fe-Si combo is the crowning glory in an elementary school. There are also quite a few Si-Te folks. They struggle with the Fe thing.
 

Rambling

New member
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
401
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yes, the Te-Fi axis is exactly what I was driving at, but I didn't think to say it that way. You said it better.
Also, I know what you mean about being trained (or forced) to access and use functions that aren't quite so natural to you. I'm a teacher, too, and Si has been the dreaded thorn in my side from the get-go. It seems that The Fe-Si combo is the crowning glory in an elementary school. There are also quite a few Si-Te folks. They struggle with the Fe thing.

I think now that Te-Fi users seem to me to use touch (like a touch on the lower arm, for example) to indicate feelings and warmth), where a Fe user would 'say' it...

I teach secondary, so there is more freedom for me perhaps... I no longer feel totally fake using Fe, now that I know it's not my true nature it seems easier because I can say I'm expressing my true self Fi but translating it for the receiver into their Fe language...or something.
 

Ene

Active member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
MBTI Type
iNfj
Enneagram
5w4
I think now that Te-Fi users seem to me to use touch (like a touch on the lower arm, for example) to indicate feelings and warmth), where a Fe user would 'say' it...

I teach secondary, so there is more freedom for me perhaps... I no longer feel totally fake using Fe, now that I know it's not my true nature it seems easier because I can say I'm expressing my true self Fi but translating it for the receiver into their Fe language...or something.

I believe you are right about the touch thing. And yes, there is so much more freedom in secondary. It's cool how you circumvented the fake feeling.
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Messages
5,517
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
953
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
... I can say I'm expressing my true self Fi but translating it for the receiver into their Fe language...or something.

This is exactly how I use typology in general. I use it to efficiently translate between cognitive styles. Paired with active listening - which helps me determine more specific concerns and verify type - it makes it much easier for me to communicate with just about anyone. These days, only significant cultural differences or intelligence differences get in the way of this approach. Cultural differences tend to disguise type, as all the social inputs are different, and certain behaviors associated with type can be emphasized by culture and not by inherent personality. Intellectual differences are just that: if they aren't smart enough to process what I'm talking about on an absolute level, better communication skills won't help.
 

Rambling

New member
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
Messages
401
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
This is exactly how I use typology in general. I use it to efficiently translate between cognitive styles. Paired with active listening - which helps me determine more specific concerns and verify type - it makes it much easier for me to communicate with just about anyone. These days, only significant cultural differences or intelligence differences get in the way of this approach. Cultural differences tend to disguise type, as all the social inputs are different, and certain behaviors associated with type can be emphasized by culture and not by inherent personality. Intellectual differences are just that: if they aren't smart enough to process what I'm talking about on an absolute level, better communication skills won't help.

Yes, this is what I do. And it made me feel like an Enneagram 3 to do it, but I've come to terms with it a bit more now.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Or in dancing terms, I'm good as an 11 yr old dancer who started at age 3. Except I'm a 49 yr old dancer who started at age 41.
Why did you start dancing? You related the account of how you got cold feet when going to your first dance, but what got you interested in dancing, and this specific style, to begin with?
 

Jaguar

Active member
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
20,647
No wonder so many people are mistyping themselves. Type has nothing to do with emotion.
 
Top