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View Poll Results: Do you "need things to hate"?

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  • Fe dom - yes

    2 9.09%
  • Fe dom - no

    0 0%
  • Fi dom - yes

    2 9.09%
  • Fi dom - no

    3 13.64%
  • Te dom - yes

    0 0%
  • Te dom - no

    1 4.55%
  • Ti dom - yes

    0 0%
  • Ti dom - no

    5 22.73%
  • Ne dom - yes

    0 0%
  • Ne dom - no

    3 13.64%
  • Ni dom - yes

    0 0%
  • Ni dom - no

    6 27.27%
  • Se dom - yes

    0 0%
  • Se dom - no

    0 0%
  • Si dom - yes

    0 0%
  • Si dom - no

    0 0%
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  1. #1
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Default The Need To Hate

    It's been a running joke since I was a teenager (and I'm sure others here have noticed). I'd make a statement saying "I don't like that", to be followed with the retort "Hard, you hate everything". At first I did not agree nor understand where they got that from. I was merely stating my opinion on something since it came up in discussion. Over time I first acknowledged that I am more apt to offer a dislike or disapproval than an approval or like (or at very least, the former in a stronger tone and emphasis). To adulthood where I have come to realize that I do hate a number of things. My opinions are quite strong and there is little in between. I still get jokes/prods about this to date from new people I meet. It's done in good fun though and I am not bothered by it at all.

    I've kind of described it as "the need to hate". I just need things to hate, and my brain doesn't seem to allow otherwise. I can't explain it. It's almost as if something is missing, or I am lost if I do not have something to push against, dislike, or express dissaproval of, or in general, hate. Almost like I lack a purpose? If I go through long periods where there things are just peaceful, happy, and peechy, something sort of feels wrong and in a way, boring. When I am working against something I hate, it does stress me out at times, but it gives a lot of focus and in many ways is invigorating. In particular if I can get others on board with it.

    I'm wondering if this a function thing (in particular Fe). It could be enneagram, or it could just be me. Either way, I wanted to open the discussion, see what peoples thoughts are, and if anyone else shares this to some degree.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  2. #2
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    Default

    I don't enjoy the feeling of hatred at all. It's a poisonous state to be in. I would rather not hate anything or anyone, but some things are just abhorrent. Like cruelty, injustice, and greed. I can't help but hate them. But I'd prefer it if the objects of my hatred didn't exist in the first place.

    There are other things that simply annoy me, and I might say I "hate" them, but I really don't. In general, I'm a pretty laid-back person. I have strong opinions, but I rarely get visibly worked up about them, because I don't like losing my temper.

    In fact, my ex-boyfriend often told me he wished I would get mad about things. And I do; I just don't fly off the handle about them. That's not who I am.

  3. #3
    cool cat Freesia's Avatar
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    Default

    I relate to this to a certain extent.

    There is a certain way that I think things should be, and when I see that nobody seems to care and nothing is going to be done about particular injustices, I feel if not hatred than contempt -- for the perpetuators, for the bystanders who do nothing, for myself for being ineffectual, and the feeling feeds upon itself and is so difficult to escape. For me it's not really a need to hate, but an inevitability in a way. And there's always something to hate, a new injustice, and the constant feeling of contempt is so exhausting and really takes a toll.

    Lately whenever it arises I stop and really try to examine where the feeling is coming from and if the amount of hatred I'm feeling is really necessary for the given situation (a lot of the time it isn't, or the feeling is somewhat misdirected, or I'm not channeling the feeling effectively).

    *nothing type-related to add...

    "Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high.
    Then life seems almost enchanted after all."
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  4. #4
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    Default

    My vote goes to enneagram as the cause:
    I imagine it would be difficult to be a perfectionist if you didn't consider a lot of things to be imperfections, so it makes a lot of sense that disapproval is an integral part of enneagram 1. That can help explain why 7 is the growth point for 1, since the 7s subconscious is acting on almost the exact opposite need, I.E. "It's not bug, it's a feature!".

    I can't really see a direct link to Fe here. It might orient what your mind pays attention and gives weight too so it might shape what you disapprove of, but not much beyond that. For contrast, enneagram 3 Fe doms often seek what to approve of in others because complimenting people helps them maintain a positive standing, so I don't think it's Fe in itself.
    Likes Hard, Showbread, Cellmold liked this post

  5. #5
    good, hot, fresh, fly ~ laterlazer's Avatar
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    Default

    Nope, more than anything if I feel like I hate something I have to question why I do. But yeah can't relate at all, I don't need to hate stuff.

  6. #6
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarlaxle View Post
    My vote goes to enneagram as the cause:
    I imagine it would be difficult to be a perfectionist if you didn't consider a lot of things to be imperfections, so it makes a lot of sense that disapproval is an integral part of enneagram 1. That can help explain why 7 is the growth point for 1, since the 7s subconscious is acting on almost the exact opposite need, I.E. "It's not bug, it's a feature!".

    I can't really see a direct link to Fe here. It might orient what your mind pays attention and gives weight too so it might shape what you disapprove of, but not much beyond that. For contrast, enneagram 3 Fe doms often seek what to approve of in others because complimenting people helps them maintain a positive standing, so I don't think it's Fe in itself.
    Yeah after I posted this I thought that it might be more apt. Part of what I was going off of was two Fe dom friends I know that share somewhat similar sentiments (though not as strongly as I do). @EJCC, @Showbread?
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  7. #7
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Default

    I don't really relate to this, but I do have a lot of things to complain about. It's mainly about TV...

    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    I'm wondering if this a function thing (in particular Fe). It could be enneagram, or it could just be me. Either way, I wanted to open the discussion, see what peoples thoughts are, and if anyone else shares this to some degree.
    It could be more of a Je-related? Searching for things that need to be organized/corrected seems like it. Also I feel like the ENFJs I come across in particular are literally always stressed out. Both my mom and friend from college are ENFJ 2w3s and I find it best not to approach either of them when they're stressed out because hell hath no fury like a stressed ENFJ.

    Or it could be Enneagram-related.

    Aside from type though, in the US I've kind of noticed this small cultural difference between the east coast and west coast - at least where I've been (New England and California). All the people I've been meeting on the east coast tend to find things to complain about a lot more. Back on the west coast everyone was a lot more easygoing or at least concealed it better. Either way the east coast seems a lot more judgmental than the west coast in my experience.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  8. #8
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    I can definitely relate. I hadn't really noticed until INFP roommate pointed it out. Apparently I find a lot of things annoying.

    It's not really that I need to have things to dislike, I would love it if I were more content with my surroundings. I just seem to be really tuned in to things that could/should be made better or more effective. And when the desired result is easily attainable and people ignore it or settle for less it bothers me! I tend to have very high standards for things in general. Also, there is just something really satisfying about being perfectly justified in an annoyance. That probably means I'm a bad person. Oh, well.

    I'm not sure if this is enneagram or MBTI. I'm not technically a 1, although I think my gut fix is pretty strong. It could also be Fe/Ti? Fe tends to be pretty vocal about criticism and Ti wants things to be consistent, simple, and efficient. My INTP friend also gets annoyed easily, but at different things than me. ENFJ roommate and I generally get worked up about the same things. Whereas INFP roommate is for the most part very chill and goes with the flow. But, when she does get angry/hate something it's blown to an irrational proportion. I tried to explain it her once as "A lot of things set me off, but I get over them very quickly. It's harder to get under your skin, but once you are annoyed you fixate and blow it out proportion." I'm assuming this is an Fe/Fi difference.
    Friends, waffles, work

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  9. #9
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    It's been a running joke since I was a teenager (and I'm sure others here have noticed). I'd make a statement saying "I don't like that", to be followed with the retort "Hard, you hate everything". At first I did not agree nor understand where they got that from. I was merely stating my opinion on something since it came up in discussion. Over time I first acknowledged that I am more apt to offer a dislike or disapproval than an approval or like (or at very least, the former in a stronger tone and emphasis). To adulthood where I have come to realize that I do hate a number of things. My opinions are quite strong and there is little in between. I still get jokes/prods about this to date from new people I meet. It's done in good fun though and I am not bothered by it at all.

    I've kind of described it as "the need to hate". I just need things to hate, and my brain doesn't seem to allow otherwise. I can't explain it. It's almost as if something is missing, or I am lost if I do not have something to push against, dislike, or express dissaproval of, or in general, hate. Almost like I lack a purpose? If I go through long periods where there things are just peaceful, happy, and peechy, something sort of feels wrong and in a way, boring. When I am working against something I hate, it does stress me out at times, but it gives a lot of focus and in many ways is invigorating. In particular if I can get others on board with it.

    I'm wondering if this a function thing (in particular Fe). It could be enneagram, or it could just be me. Either way, I wanted to open the discussion, see what peoples thoughts are, and if anyone else shares this to some degree.
    FTR I voted Fi dom/no. When something begins to bother me I ask myself "what have you 'done' about it". If the answer is something close to 'not much' then I do a quick assessment as to whether or not continued thought is meaningful. A cost/benefit analysis may ensue and it's these mental processes that allow me the perspective to compartmentalize and get on with my day.

    “Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” ~ William James
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft
    Likes five sounds liked this post

  10. #10
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    Yeah after I posted this I thought that it might be more apt. Part of what I was going off of was two Fe dom friends I know that share somewhat similar sentiments (though not as strongly as I do). @EJCC, @Showbread?
    I definitely think it's enneagram-related, because I relate to the logic of your last paragraph. The thought process is: I'm angered by imperfections, and that anger drives me to fix those imperfections. I need to do what's right, so I need imperfections to fix -- so I need to be angry.

    Thing is: anger is not a productive emotion -- meaning, it's not conducive to productivity -- if you spend too much time dwelling on it. (I associate "hate" with very strong anger that you spend a lot of time thinking about.) I'm sure this is my 7 fix/ESTJ-ness talking, but there's a lot of value in appreciating the things in life that are better than average, or just "good", as opposed to perfect. Having a hopeful attitude is more productive in that it boosts your morale and makes you more likely to see your future efforts as potentially valuable -- to see yourself as making a tangible difference.


    (Edit: it's worth noting, re: the OP, that people have said the exact opposite thing to me before. I'll say "I love that!" or "That's the best thing ever!" and they'll say "You love everything", or "You think everything is the best thing ever". 7 fix at work again.)
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


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