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The Need To Hate

Do you "need things to hate"?

  • Fe dom - no

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Te dom - yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Ti dom - yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Ne dom - yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Ni dom - yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Se dom - yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Se dom - no

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Si dom - yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Si dom - no

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    22

á´…eparted

passages
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It's been a running joke since I was a teenager (and I'm sure others here have noticed). I'd make a statement saying "I don't like that", to be followed with the retort "Hard, you hate everything". At first I did not agree nor understand where they got that from. I was merely stating my opinion on something since it came up in discussion. Over time I first acknowledged that I am more apt to offer a dislike or disapproval than an approval or like (or at very least, the former in a stronger tone and emphasis). To adulthood where I have come to realize that I do hate a number of things. My opinions are quite strong and there is little in between. I still get jokes/prods about this to date from new people I meet. It's done in good fun though and I am not bothered by it at all.

I've kind of described it as "the need to hate". I just need things to hate, and my brain doesn't seem to allow otherwise. I can't explain it. It's almost as if something is missing, or I am lost if I do not have something to push against, dislike, or express dissaproval of, or in general, hate. Almost like I lack a purpose? If I go through long periods where there things are just peaceful, happy, and peechy, something sort of feels wrong and in a way, boring. When I am working against something I hate, it does stress me out at times, but it gives a lot of focus and in many ways is invigorating. In particular if I can get others on board with it.

I'm wondering if this a function thing (in particular Fe). It could be enneagram, or it could just be me. Either way, I wanted to open the discussion, see what peoples thoughts are, and if anyone else shares this to some degree.
 

BadOctopus

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I don't enjoy the feeling of hatred at all. It's a poisonous state to be in. I would rather not hate anything or anyone, but some things are just abhorrent. Like cruelty, injustice, and greed. I can't help but hate them. But I'd prefer it if the objects of my hatred didn't exist in the first place.

There are other things that simply annoy me, and I might say I "hate" them, but I really don't. In general, I'm a pretty laid-back person. I have strong opinions, but I rarely get visibly worked up about them, because I don't like losing my temper.

In fact, my ex-boyfriend often told me he wished I would get mad about things. And I do; I just don't fly off the handle about them. That's not who I am.
 

Freesia

cool cat
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I relate to this to a certain extent.

There is a certain way that I think things should be, and when I see that nobody seems to care and nothing is going to be done about particular injustices, I feel if not hatred than contempt -- for the perpetuators, for the bystanders who do nothing, for myself for being ineffectual, and the feeling feeds upon itself and is so difficult to escape. For me it's not really a need to hate, but an inevitability in a way. And there's always something to hate, a new injustice, and the constant feeling of contempt is so exhausting and really takes a toll.

Lately whenever it arises I stop and really try to examine where the feeling is coming from and if the amount of hatred I'm feeling is really necessary for the given situation (a lot of the time it isn't, or the feeling is somewhat misdirected, or I'm not channeling the feeling effectively).

*nothing type-related to add...
 

Mane

Permabanned
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Messages
828
My vote goes to enneagram as the cause:
I imagine it would be difficult to be a perfectionist if you didn't consider a lot of things to be imperfections, so it makes a lot of sense that disapproval is an integral part of enneagram 1. That can help explain why 7 is the growth point for 1, since the 7s subconscious is acting on almost the exact opposite need, I.E. "It's not bug, it's a feature!".

I can't really see a direct link to Fe here. It might orient what your mind pays attention and gives weight too so it might shape what you disapprove of, but not much beyond that. For contrast, enneagram 3 Fe doms often seek what to approve of in others because complimenting people helps them maintain a positive standing, so I don't think it's Fe in itself.
 

laterlazer

good, hot, fresh, fly ~
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Nope, more than anything if I feel like I hate something I have to question why I do. But yeah can't relate at all, I don't need to hate stuff.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
My vote goes to enneagram as the cause:
I imagine it would be difficult to be a perfectionist if you didn't consider a lot of things to be imperfections, so it makes a lot of sense that disapproval is an integral part of enneagram 1. That can help explain why 7 is the growth point for 1, since the 7s subconscious is acting on almost the exact opposite need, I.E. "It's not bug, it's a feature!".

I can't really see a direct link to Fe here. It might orient what your mind pays attention and gives weight too so it might shape what you disapprove of, but not much beyond that. For contrast, enneagram 3 Fe doms often seek what to approve of in others because complimenting people helps them maintain a positive standing, so I don't think it's Fe in itself.

Yeah after I posted this I thought that it might be more apt. Part of what I was going off of was two Fe dom friends I know that share somewhat similar sentiments (though not as strongly as I do). [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION], [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION]?
 

HongDou

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I don't really relate to this, but I do have a lot of things to complain about. :laugh: It's mainly about TV...

I'm wondering if this a function thing (in particular Fe). It could be enneagram, or it could just be me. Either way, I wanted to open the discussion, see what peoples thoughts are, and if anyone else shares this to some degree.

It could be more of a Je-related? Searching for things that need to be organized/corrected seems like it. Also I feel like the ENFJs I come across in particular are literally always stressed out. Both my mom and friend from college are ENFJ 2w3s and I find it best not to approach either of them when they're stressed out because hell hath no fury like a stressed ENFJ.

Or it could be Enneagram-related.

Aside from type though, in the US I've kind of noticed this small cultural difference between the east coast and west coast - at least where I've been (New England and California). All the people I've been meeting on the east coast tend to find things to complain about a lot more. Back on the west coast everyone was a lot more easygoing or at least concealed it better. Either way the east coast seems a lot more judgmental than the west coast in my experience.
 

Showbread

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I can definitely relate. I hadn't really noticed until INFP roommate pointed it out. Apparently I find a lot of things annoying.

It's not really that I need to have things to dislike, I would love it if I were more content with my surroundings. I just seem to be really tuned in to things that could/should be made better or more effective. And when the desired result is easily attainable and people ignore it or settle for less it bothers me! I tend to have very high standards for things in general. Also, there is just something really satisfying about being perfectly justified in an annoyance. That probably means I'm a bad person. Oh, well. :laugh:

I'm not sure if this is enneagram or MBTI. I'm not technically a 1, although I think my gut fix is pretty strong. It could also be Fe/Ti? Fe tends to be pretty vocal about criticism and Ti wants things to be consistent, simple, and efficient. My INTP friend also gets annoyed easily, but at different things than me. ENFJ roommate and I generally get worked up about the same things. Whereas INFP roommate is for the most part very chill and goes with the flow. But, when she does get angry/hate something it's blown to an irrational proportion. I tried to explain it her once as "A lot of things set me off, but I get over them very quickly. It's harder to get under your skin, but once you are annoyed you fixate and blow it out proportion." I'm assuming this is an Fe/Fi difference.
 

SpankyMcFly

Level 8 Propaganda Bot
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It's been a running joke since I was a teenager (and I'm sure others here have noticed). I'd make a statement saying "I don't like that", to be followed with the retort "Hard, you hate everything". At first I did not agree nor understand where they got that from. I was merely stating my opinion on something since it came up in discussion. Over time I first acknowledged that I am more apt to offer a dislike or disapproval than an approval or like (or at very least, the former in a stronger tone and emphasis). To adulthood where I have come to realize that I do hate a number of things. My opinions are quite strong and there is little in between. I still get jokes/prods about this to date from new people I meet. It's done in good fun though and I am not bothered by it at all.

I've kind of described it as "the need to hate". I just need things to hate, and my brain doesn't seem to allow otherwise. I can't explain it. It's almost as if something is missing, or I am lost if I do not have something to push against, dislike, or express dissaproval of, or in general, hate. Almost like I lack a purpose? If I go through long periods where there things are just peaceful, happy, and peechy, something sort of feels wrong and in a way, boring. When I am working against something I hate, it does stress me out at times, but it gives a lot of focus and in many ways is invigorating. In particular if I can get others on board with it.

I'm wondering if this a function thing (in particular Fe). It could be enneagram, or it could just be me. Either way, I wanted to open the discussion, see what peoples thoughts are, and if anyone else shares this to some degree.

FTR I voted Fi dom/no. When something begins to bother me I ask myself "what have you 'done' about it". If the answer is something close to 'not much' then I do a quick assessment as to whether or not continued thought is meaningful. A cost/benefit analysis may ensue and it's these mental processes that allow me the perspective to compartmentalize and get on with my day.

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” ~ William James
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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Yeah after I posted this I thought that it might be more apt. Part of what I was going off of was two Fe dom friends I know that share somewhat similar sentiments (though not as strongly as I do). [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION], [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION]?
I definitely think it's enneagram-related, because I relate to the logic of your last paragraph. The thought process is: I'm angered by imperfections, and that anger drives me to fix those imperfections. I need to do what's right, so I need imperfections to fix -- so I need to be angry.

Thing is: anger is not a productive emotion -- meaning, it's not conducive to productivity -- if you spend too much time dwelling on it. (I associate "hate" with very strong anger that you spend a lot of time thinking about.) I'm sure this is my 7 fix/ESTJ-ness talking, but there's a lot of value in appreciating the things in life that are better than average, or just "good", as opposed to perfect. Having a hopeful attitude is more productive in that it boosts your morale and makes you more likely to see your future efforts as potentially valuable -- to see yourself as making a tangible difference.


(Edit: it's worth noting, re: the OP, that people have said the exact opposite thing to me before. I'll say "I love that!" or "That's the best thing ever!" and they'll say "You love everything", or "You think everything is the best thing ever". :laugh: 7 fix at work again.)
 

INTP

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Hate sort of includes lack of understanding(and/or unwillingness to understand). With understanding it would merely be a disagreement about some moral or what ever issue and with the understanding you would also understand why the other person disagrees with you and you would merely see him as a victim of lack of knowledge, improper upbringing or what ever. I try to seek and spread understanding instead of hating.. Hate is blind and i prefer to see and get others to see as well.
 

Lark

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Messages
29,569
I cultivate an indifference rather than hatreds.

Which includes being indifferent to whether or not certain persons draw breath. Or a further three generations of their line. As the clan feuds used to go :newwink::happy2:
 

Riva

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Hard you should have put CP 6s in that list and we would have gotten a winner.
 

Totenkindly

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I don't really like hating things (I feel like I've lost control of myself), nor do I usually hate them. Even people I realize I dislike, I don't hate them; and if they needed my help and/or there is a situation where the reasons for dislike were not applicable or their demeanor changed, I find that I naturally change to accommodate. [Yeah, that wonderful "mirroring" behavior thing.]

Negative energy drains me (and even too much positive energy can do the same), I like to be in a more neutral position. I'd also rather see potential in something and explore it.

But that's very much my "type" -- looking for equanimity.

I think if you're a type of person that feels the need to believe in things, make them happen, right wrongs, fix injustices, avenge the fallen, etc., you might feel like you "hate" far more and you find yourself looking for those kinds of scenarios into which you can leap. The Pop Hero version of "William Wallace" was a "hater," at least if you did not agree with his values.

EDIT: As for me, "My hate... will die... with brussel sprouts." *

Robert-the-Bruce.jpg




*"And beets. And cauliflower. And cat pictures in funny outfits."
 

Qlip

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I rarely hate. When I do hate it's, stereotypically, how unideal the world can be or my personal failures. I can see direct correlation in my lack of hate to my function order and my enneatype. As a function of always being focused on the big picture (Ne), an empathetic understanding on why people do what they do (Fi), and how important it is for me not to close my eyes to ugly things (E4), I feel that hatred is too much of an indulgence. I also feel that denying impulsive and circumstantial emotional drives makes me stronger (sp/sx) and detracts the focus from doing things to reacting to things.
 

Mane

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After some thought: I do experience anger, resentment, and even hate.
  • When it's merely anger, it's usually on a personal level: My reaction to hurt, harm or sympathy towards someone else's, and I usually get angry at the behavior itself, not the person. Many people take it as a personal insult, but to me that is completely counter intuitive. Anger to me is like a hammer. It attempts to mold, to change the environment. It is the primal instinct to try to intimidate the problems away, but taken to a higher level. If the person just had no choice but expressing the behavior, there is no point in trying to "hammer" my anger at them. As counter intuitive as it might seem to others, anger requires faith in people, to believe that they are capable of choice and generally have good intentions.
  • When it's resentment, it's usually on a higher level of abstraction: I am reading into the "game" of the dynamic I find myself to be part of, I see how inter-personal dynamics and systems emerge with various roles and how the people within it develop perspectives within those roles, and the more anger I find myself experiencing while playing it, the more I feel like I am playing a loosing hand. It's a combination of hurt & anger intertwined with a sense of helplessness, feeling lonely in having to deal with the hand your dealt with in the particular dynamic.
  • For that resentment to become loathsome personal hate towards someone, the other side needs to be self-righteous about it, either justifying themselves or refusing to acknowledge the perspective in which the behavior has had negative aspects to it, even after I try explaining the problem in the dynamic. Remember - the core reason for anger is hurt, either personal or sympathetic. So if someone justifies there behavior that caused it, then they are essentially communicating to me, "I was right to cause the harm, I had my reasons, and you can expect more such harm from me in the future, whenever I might have more reasons". To me, that expectation is the building block of hate. You become preoccupied with it because whenever they have an impact to make in your life or a role to play, directly or indirectly, you have to be on your toes, expecting more harm to come from them at any moment.
I don't think it would be fair to say I seek or need hate - hate is a failure. I am also not sure if anger, hate and resentment mean the same things to you as they do to me.
 
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