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  1. #1
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    Question INTP & INFP Similar ways of breaking up ?

    My partner and I are very pessimistic and kind of depressive people, so we often tend to over think about the ways our happy times will come to an end.

    Yesterday we were chatting about the ways we would break up with each other [which may sound a little weird, but we just share all kind of inappropriate thoughts] and we began to compare our different break up experiences, and it seems that we tend to behave similarly.

    We both use the ''Love Sabotage'' method

    Since we rather not drastically dishearten people, the classic, quick, boring solution is out of question, we choose instead to make them reach a point in which they start to hate us so much that they just leave.
    We make everything that is possible and subtle enough, or not really subtle, to make the other person change their mind about the way they feel about us, without realizing that is exactly what we want because we got bored and don't want to be with them anymore.

    We would behave and do the opposite of what they fell in love for us for. Which is relatively easy since we both really like change and experiencing different things.

    [e.g My first love fell for me because I was a really sweet girl, who dressed like a doll and was extremely shy. Since he started being too much ''sugary'' and suffocating I got tired of him and I hated being treated like a cute child. So I got into Heavy Metal stuff and dressed all in black leather and got all the broken clothes he hated so much. And it was also a really interesting experiment which actually turned me into the person I am now. Therefore was a sincere change.
    I also treated him kind of roughly and also disregarded his needs of being told that I love him.
    Whenever he began his complaints I would say that I just want to talk about interesting stuff instead of whining about all the problems our relationship has.
    I occasionally made him cry, which irritated me a lot, and I would roll my eyes and say '' are you done now? quit being such a girl'']

    Then in the end we both ended our relationships crying.

    I cried because I realized that all my efforts to avoid suffering and to try not to break the other person's heart were useless, since both of us hurt even more.
    But even if I sound like an asshole, I sincerely wish my love couldn't hurt other people.

    He cried because he was trying to make the other person feel shitty about leaving.
    He's the true asshole.

    Anyway between us it's working a bit different.
    Empathy is more balanced, and we probably would try more creative methods to leave each other since this was already told. We always try to impress ourselves more.

    IS this something INFPs and INTPs tend to do a lot? Or are we just insane sociopaths?
    Doesany other type relate to this as well?

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


  2. #2
    Senior citizen velveteen's Avatar
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    It just sounds like you're young and immature. Sorry.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    @Yaru

    Are you asking if INFPs and INTPs are prone to over-thinking things, personalizing them and self-sabotaging their relationships? And are they prone to pessimism?

    If so, I think these are fair questions that go beyond age and maturity. However, I'm not truly equipped to answer them. INFPs and INTPs would be better at addressing them. I can tell you that my INTP cousin has successfully self-destructed every relationship, every job and every attempt at completing his degree that he's ever had and he does it much as you described. He admitted to being bored and just not wanting to deal with people. My INFP friend has also admitted to me that she purposely did things to drive her mother away, the kind of things you describe about changing the way you dressed, etc. My friend's mother was a major sensor who wanted to impress her circle of society and my friend spent her entire childhood feeling like an embarrassment to her, because she couldn't "pretend" just to impress her mom's friends. So, as a teen, she started to do the same types of things you did to drive away a boyfriend. She drove away her mother, at least emotionally. And both my cousin and my friend are highly pessimistic, but that is only two out of untold thousands. Others may have entirely different experiences.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14
    Likes Yaru liked this post

  4. #4
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    If I had more time today, I'd try to look at functions to address this. Mal, INTP, PeaceBaby and some others may be able to really discuss this properly with you.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  5. #5
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Ideally, I'd get the other person to end the relationship. Makes the healing easier, I believe.

  6. #6
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    I once broke up and made a fwb deal lol. I strongly believe her "no fucking way" answer made her feel better about the whole thing.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by velveteen View Post
    It just sounds like you're young and immature. Sorry.
    Note that these relationships happened when we were young teens. We haven't been in a relationship in a long time.All our previous relationships were serious and long term anyway, we have never been in a ''quick'' relationship. So when things got hard we had to find a way to end it, and we didn't know how. Since we are more mature now that's probably why the same thing it's not happening again.We enjoy discussing these kind of things because we think we shouldn't hide our thoughts.

    All types go through immature phases, I was just pointing out the same behavior and way of being immature and was wondering if was related to type.

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


  8. #8
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Ideally, I'd get the other person to end the relationship. Makes the healing easier, I believe.
    Me too. But for me the healing isn't easier. It's easier for the other person, but harder for me. And that's fine. I don't like to put an end to things that have been important. I can't see the reason for it. I tend to ruin relationships when I feel bad about them so that I see that there's nothing good about it anymore and I'm just wasting time. Otherwise I will always try to make things better again. And is like a vicious circle.

    I generally avoid being in relationships because I think of the consequences.

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


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