INFP, ESTJ Duality??

[Yaru]

I am not really familiar with the duality concept, I understand the ''opposite attracts'' but hey, isn't this a bit extreme? I cannot get duality, how can a type so distant from my values and preferences be my dual? Is it not possible to me to think about it. I hate it. I cannot stand controlling types, is something that I just can't.
SJs are the reason I've isolated myself from society, they cant be my duals. They destroyed my self confidence and I can't imagine a future with them.
My grandfather is an INFP and he was in a relationship with an ESTJ, she ruined his life, she didn't let him be the beautiful person he is, she is a good person and I care about her, but her presence just drains me. The same goes for my ESTJ sister and step-mother. And all the SJs out I've meet out there but my ISTJ sister. She's the only one I can save.

I am sorry if this sounds like a venting post, I just can't understand this theory much. It would be nice if someone could explain it. Even if I won't like it probably.

Am I mistyped? I don't know.
How do other INFPs feel about this? Do you feel comfortable with ESTJs?
Have you been in a relationship with an ESTJ?

I don't hate ESTJs, I think they could be good people, but they are so not for me..

 

[OrangeAppled]

People frequently are repelled by their anima/animus type. This is because we project our inferior function onto them, which is their dominant function. So we see them as undeveloped and rudimentary as we experience our inferior function.

However, there can be a thin line between love/hate, which is why some are drawn to individuals of their inferior, Often, we simply do not have "weak" feelings towards them, whether it's a positive or negative reaction.

 

[Pionart]

One of my favourite people in the world is an ENFP. ENFPs are just so awesome! She really gets me out of my shell. I love listening to what she has to say and going out and doing fun things with her.

I don't know why you would feel this way about ESTJs. The ESTJ I know is a really cool guy with good morals, I don't see how he would be called controlling.

As for how to explain it? I'm not sure, for me it's just an opposites attract thing and seeing that it works from experience. The information Te gives out is supposed to be the best kind of information for Fi to take in, and so on.

Of course, relationships don't always work regardless of "compatibility".

 

[SD45T-2]

I don't hate ESTJs, I think they could be good people, but they are so not for me..

That's okay. There isn't any law that requires you to like us.

This might interest you: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/the-sj-guardhouse/17823-estj.html

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

Duality is a concept related to Socionics, not MBTI.

The premise of Duality is that both partners operate in entirely different social worlds that often don't meet (SF sphere vs NT sphere, ST vs NF sphere) When they are together, both partners take charge in their respective sphere, and are both weak and dependent in their partner's sphere. What makes Duality (and Activity) special is that they involve Super-Id block stimulation (Weak + Valued Element Positions). Even though both partners operate in different spheres, they find the other sphere enticing and stimulating, a sort of craving. Adding this into addition to the fact that they both share the same Quadra Values, Duality becomes a very psychologically stimulating and pleasing intertype-relation that helps both partners. Both partners are dependent on each other's strengths and both partners can protect their partners' weaknesses (and will be more inclined to do so since they are in the same Quadra).

Duality often gives people a new perspective on life or on anything for that matter, considering your dual is always coming from a different yet intriguing viewpoint.

This does not mean to say that Duality is perfect every time or is necessarily the best intertype relation (Activity, for instance, can produce a sort of extreme ecstasy between partners that Duality doesn't always achieve). Not all Duals are your friends and loved ones, not all Conflictors are your enemies and critics.

If you want someone you can relate to, find yourself a Mirror or an Identical. Duality mainly involves experiencing the other side of things that you can't take the time to enjoy because of your own perspective (Ego over Super-Id).

EDIT: On the topic of mistyping, your talk of your self-confidence being shattered by SJs may signify types that are engaging your Super-Ego Block, elements that are the source of constant criticism and psychological pain. Ergo, those people may be in your Orthogonal Quadra (opposing values, Alpha vs Gamma, Beta vs Delta).

 

[Southern Kross]

Summoning [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]

I suspect you are a fairly young INFP, [MENTION=23393]Yaru[/MENTION]. Am I right?

I think all types find their opposing type grating when they're young. The repulsion is something I used to experience, but I don't feel it now. As my inferior Te develops I'm growing more of a taste and appreciation for ExTJs in general and enjoy their company more. I suppose people feel drawn to what they lack and what qualities will complement and improve their own.

BTW most of my extended family are xSTJs too. I know what it's like to grow up with that.

 

[Showbread]

One of my closest friends is an INTP. We used to confuse each other to no end and awkwardly stumble through social interactions, unintentionally pushing all of each other's buttons. But eventually we just kind of clicked and now it works. We get a long really well and have a pretty good understanding of what the other person wants/needs. I think I struggle more with people who have none of the same functions as me more than I do INTPs. I do not generally do well with xNTJs.

On the INFP/ESTJ topic, my parents are ESTJ and INFx. They're been married for 26 years, and together for over 30. I don't think any two types are fundamentally incompatible, it just depends on the values and maturity of the people involved.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Do you feel comfortable with ESTJs?

I like ESTJs generally - I find them direct, purposeful, straightforward, hard-working, honest and loyal.

Have you been in a relationship with an ESTJ?

Yes, I am married to one, 26 years now (but re the post above, no, I am not [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION]'s mom.)

I don't hate ESTJs, I think they could be good people, but they are so not for me..

Maybe, maybe not. Whether or not an ESTJ is right for you will hinge on how you feel about them as an individual. When I first met my husband, it was electric. Even still today, when I am in his arms, I feel like I was made to perfectly fit there. This kind of compatibility is about more than type; it encompasses yet transcends type.

You will get to a point where you realize that no matter who you partner with, there will be some incompatibilities along the way. There are times I find his need for structure exhausting. He can be irritable and sometimes says things in an insensitive way. Yet every coin has two sides. He finds my open-ended nature hard to accommodate, and my need for spontaneity jarring at times too. Yet we communicate and grow together with the aid of each other's stronger functions.

So, overall in my partnership, I find that our strengths and weaknesses complement each other well. As we get older together, his tertiary and inferior functions are strengthening in interesting ways, as are mine.

Our largest problem area revolves around long-term strategic planning. He's best on short-term logistics and goals, me on in-the-moment adaptation and problem solving. Neither of us is particularly effective at projecting 5 years into the future.

Hope that helps. It can be difficult for an INFP when surrounded by SJs - I have a lot of them in my life, so can certainly relate. Our job however is to grow into our own inferior functions, and as uncomfortable as that may feel, it's natural to be attracted to what we lack.

 

[Showbread]

Yes, I am married to one, 26 years now (but re the post above, no, I am not [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION]'s mom.)

Mommy?

 

[PeaceBaby]

Mommy?

Yes, dear? No worries, I checked your birthday, you're not one I've given birth to. :hi:

 

[Showbread]

Yes, dear? No worries, I checked your birthday, you're not one I've given birth to. :hi:

You are also the wrong tritype to be my mom. Pretty sure she's a 926.

 

[Yaru]

Summoning [MENTION=5999]PeaceBaby[/MENTION]

I suspect you are a fairly young INFP, [MENTION=23393]Yaru[/MENTION]. Am I right?

I think all types find their opposing type grating when they're young. The repulsion is something I used to experience, but I don't feel it now. As my inferior Te develops I'm growing more of a taste and appreciation for ExTJs in general and enjoy their company more. I suppose people feel drawn to what they lack and what qualities will complement and improve their own.

BTW most of my extended family are xSTJs too. I know what it's like to grow up with that.

I don't know what is ''young'' to you, I am young, But a 13 year old can be young as a 40 year old can be young, it's relative.
I am 20 years old.
I can go along with ENTJs. I can go along with all the N types. I just have a lot of trouble with S types. I have some ISFP, ESFJ friends, but they are just meh to me, we can't discuss of anything relevant. I adore them but they drain me so much. My ESFJ friend is the most adorable girl on earth.. but she's the only one talking, and I can't care about anything she says because isn't important to me. I help her vent and give her some of my time, but I don't really do anything with that myself. I just give.
I adore my ISTJ sister, but this is because I feel a really deep need to protect her. So I do what she would like to do with me, try to be the way she likes me to, it's exhausting, but I do it for her because she needs me. Because we share the same blood.
On the other hand my ESxJ little sister ... I cannot stand. I hate her so much, and it hurts because I should feel the same towards her. But I just can't. I hate everything about her, I just can't believe she's my sister, we have NOTHING in common. She doesn't even look like me. She's got something evil in her eyes. She is scary and looks like a demon to me. She's all her ESTJ mother.

All the people I've loved the most in my life were INFPs, INTPs, INFJs, INTJs, ENTPs.

Yes. Is hard to grow up with them. They will always treat you like the asocial autistic retarded girl.

 

[Yaru]

One of my favourite people in the world is an ENFP. ENFPs are just so awesome! She really gets me out of my shell. I love listening to what she has to say and going out and doing fun things with her.

I don't know why you would feel this way about ESTJs. The ESTJ I know is a really cool guy with good morals, I don't see how he would be called controlling.

As for how to explain it? I'm not sure, for me it's just an opposites attract thing and seeing that it works from experience. The information Te gives out is supposed to be the best kind of information for Fi to take in, and so on.

Of course, relationships don't always work regardless of "compatibility".

ENFPs are awesome. I can behave like them when I am comfortable with the people I have around. I had an ENFP friend and I we were so loud together. She went crazy though. Or we both did maybe.

S types in general try to control me because I am too random or too weird to them, they always told me that anyone liked me and it was me the problem not the other people. So I guess your friend is an awesome person. I just have a problem with people in general.
I admire ISTJs because they are so practical and simple, it makes me feel inferior though.

 

[levinlady]

So if you were to meet an ESTJ that exactly aligned with your inner values and expectations for other people, would this ESTJ's presence still be draining to you?

 

[EJCC]

People frequently are repelled by their anima/animus type. This is because we project our inferior function onto them, which is their dominant function. So we see them as undeveloped and rudimentary as we experience our inferior function.

However, there can be a thin line between love/hate, which is why some are drawn to individuals of their inferior, Often, we simply do not have "weak" feelings towards them, whether it's a positive or negative reaction.

^ This.

Also lol @ "they could be good people". There's no type that makes for a bad person. Whether you get along with people of a particular type is a matter of healthiness, self-awareness, and personal baggage -- theirs and yours.

 

[Pionart]

I guess for duality to work, both parties have to be accepting of the differences of others. They should not expect others to be like them, but rather accept first who they are, and secondly accept who others are. It takes wisdom.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

Duality is correlated to socionics, not MBTI... in socionics INFp uses Ni+Fe, while in MBTI it's Fi+Ne which means it's a different type. If you're an INFP in MBTI, you're most likely an INFj in socionics and your dual is an LSE - ESTj in socionics, ESTJ in MBTI, bu for socionics duality for INFp it's an ESTp Se+Ti.
In MBTI is fairly different, according to MBTI an ideal match for INFP is an ENTJ.

 

[Pionart]

Duality is correlated to socionics, not MBTI... in socionics INFp uses Ni+Fe, while in MBTI it's Fi+Ne which means it's a different type. If you're an INFP in MBTI, you're most likely an INFj in socionics and your dual is an LSE - ESTj in socionics, ESTJ in MBTI, bu for socionics duality for INFp it's an ESTp Se+Ti.
In MBTI is fairly different, according to MBTI an ideal match for INFP is an ENTJ.

Yet you apparently type as Fi+Ne in both

My opinion is that they're the same damn thing, and all this talk of strange matchings in MBTI is just BS

 

[hjgbujhghg]

Yet you apparently type as Fi+Ne in both

sure I am, I use Fi+Ne, I can't switch functions just like that... INFP in socionics is INFj, most of the people who switch functions between the theories are probably mistypes, there can be an occasional exemption, because the descriptions of functions are a little bit different in their approaches, but most of the people use the same functions in both, I can't really imagine I'd use Fi+Ne in MBTI and suddenly Ni+Fe in socionics... I'd become a magical function switching wizard (which some people believe to be)

 

[Pionart]

sure I am, I use Fi+Ne, I can't switch functions just like that... INFP in socionics is INFj, most of the people who switch functions between the theories are probably mistypes, there can be an occasional exemption, because the descriptions of functions are a little bit different in their approaches, but most of the people use the same functions in both, I can't really imagine I'd use Fi+Ne in MBTI and suddenly Ni+Fe in socionics... I'd become a magical function switching wizard (which some people believe to be)

LOL

Well, I agree. I just got a bit confused by your post. And I'm like, really tired and tripping balls from my own thoughts.