User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 87

  1. #1
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    292

    Default INFP, ESTJ Duality??

    I am not really familiar with the duality concept, I understand the ''opposite attracts'' but hey, isn't this a bit extreme? I cannot get duality, how can a type so distant from my values and preferences be my dual? Is it not possible to me to think about it. I hate it. I cannot stand controlling types, is something that I just can't.
    SJs are the reason I've isolated myself from society, they cant be my duals. They destroyed my self confidence and I can't imagine a future with them.
    My grandfather is an INFP and he was in a relationship with an ESTJ, she ruined his life, she didn't let him be the beautiful person he is, she is a good person and I care about her, but her presence just drains me. The same goes for my ESTJ sister and step-mother. And all the SJs out I've meet out there but my ISTJ sister. She's the only one I can save.

    I am sorry if this sounds like a venting post, I just can't understand this theory much. It would be nice if someone could explain it. Even if I won't like it probably.

    Am I mistyped? I don't know.
    How do other INFPs feel about this? Do you feel comfortable with ESTJs?
    Have you been in a relationship with an ESTJ?

    I don't hate ESTJs, I think they could be good people, but they are so not for me..

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    People frequently are repelled by their anima/animus type. This is because we project our inferior function onto them, which is their dominant function. So we see them as undeveloped and rudimentary as we experience our inferior function.

    However, there can be a thin line between love/hate, which is why some are drawn to individuals of their inferior, Often, we simply do not have "weak" feelings towards them, whether it's a positive or negative reaction.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe
    Likes Yaru liked this post

  3. #3
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    1,862

    Default

    One of my favourite people in the world is an ENFP. ENFPs are just so awesome! She really gets me out of my shell. I love listening to what she has to say and going out and doing fun things with her.

    I don't know why you would feel this way about ESTJs. The ESTJ I know is a really cool guy with good morals, I don't see how he would be called controlling.

    As for how to explain it? I'm not sure, for me it's just an opposites attract thing and seeing that it works from experience. The information Te gives out is supposed to be the best kind of information for Fi to take in, and so on.

    Of course, relationships don't always work regardless of "compatibility".
    Likes Yaru liked this post

  4. #4
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sp
    Posts
    2,760

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Yaru View Post
    I don't hate ESTJs, I think they could be good people, but they are so not for me..
    That's okay. There isn't any law that requires you to like us.

    This might interest you: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...7823-estj.html
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz
    Likes Yaru, EJCC liked this post

  5. #5
    Senior Member Alea_iacta_est's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Socionics
    ILI
    Posts
    1,838

    Default

    Duality is a concept related to Socionics, not MBTI.

    The premise of Duality is that both partners operate in entirely different social worlds that often don't meet (SF sphere vs NT sphere, ST vs NF sphere) When they are together, both partners take charge in their respective sphere, and are both weak and dependent in their partner's sphere. What makes Duality (and Activity) special is that they involve Super-Id block stimulation (Weak + Valued Element Positions). Even though both partners operate in different spheres, they find the other sphere enticing and stimulating, a sort of craving. Adding this into addition to the fact that they both share the same Quadra Values, Duality becomes a very psychologically stimulating and pleasing intertype-relation that helps both partners. Both partners are dependent on each other's strengths and both partners can protect their partners' weaknesses (and will be more inclined to do so since they are in the same Quadra).

    Duality often gives people a new perspective on life or on anything for that matter, considering your dual is always coming from a different yet intriguing viewpoint.

    This does not mean to say that Duality is perfect every time or is necessarily the best intertype relation (Activity, for instance, can produce a sort of extreme ecstasy between partners that Duality doesn't always achieve). Not all Duals are your friends and loved ones, not all Conflictors are your enemies and critics.

    If you want someone you can relate to, find yourself a Mirror or an Identical. Duality mainly involves experiencing the other side of things that you can't take the time to enjoy because of your own perspective (Ego over Super-Id).

    EDIT: On the topic of mistyping, your talk of your self-confidence being shattered by SJs may signify types that are engaging your Super-Ego Block, elements that are the source of constant criticism and psychological pain. Ergo, those people may be in your Orthogonal Quadra (opposing values, Alpha vs Gamma, Beta vs Delta).
    Likes Yaru liked this post

  6. #6
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Summoning @PeaceBaby

    I suspect you are a fairly young INFP, @Yaru. Am I right?

    I think all types find their opposing type grating when they're young. The repulsion is something I used to experience, but I don't feel it now. As my inferior Te develops I'm growing more of a taste and appreciation for ExTJs in general and enjoy their company more. I suppose people feel drawn to what they lack and what qualities will complement and improve their own.

    BTW most of my extended family are xSTJs too. I know what it's like to grow up with that.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte
    Likes MDP2525, melomania liked this post

  7. #7
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2 so/sp
    Posts
    2,332

    Default

    One of my closest friends is an INTP. We used to confuse each other to no end and awkwardly stumble through social interactions, unintentionally pushing all of each other's buttons. But eventually we just kind of clicked and now it works. We get a long really well and have a pretty good understanding of what the other person wants/needs. I think I struggle more with people who have none of the same functions as me more than I do INTPs. I do not generally do well with xNTJs.

    On the INFP/ESTJ topic, my parents are ESTJ and INFx. They're been married for 26 years, and together for over 30. I don't think any two types are fundamentally incompatible, it just depends on the values and maturity of the people involved.
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

    3w2 6w7 1w2
    *Gryffindor*

    Likes Yaru liked this post

  8. #8
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Yaru View Post
    Do you feel comfortable with ESTJs?
    I like ESTJs generally - I find them direct, purposeful, straightforward, hard-working, honest and loyal.

    Have you been in a relationship with an ESTJ?
    Yes, I am married to one, 26 years now (but re the post above, no, I am not @Showbread's mom.)

    I don't hate ESTJs, I think they could be good people, but they are so not for me..
    Maybe, maybe not. Whether or not an ESTJ is right for you will hinge on how you feel about them as an individual. When I first met my husband, it was electric. Even still today, when I am in his arms, I feel like I was made to perfectly fit there. This kind of compatibility is about more than type; it encompasses yet transcends type.

    You will get to a point where you realize that no matter who you partner with, there will be some incompatibilities along the way. There are times I find his need for structure exhausting. He can be irritable and sometimes says things in an insensitive way. Yet every coin has two sides. He finds my open-ended nature hard to accommodate, and my need for spontaneity jarring at times too. Yet we communicate and grow together with the aid of each other's stronger functions.

    So, overall in my partnership, I find that our strengths and weaknesses complement each other well. As we get older together, his tertiary and inferior functions are strengthening in interesting ways, as are mine.

    Our largest problem area revolves around long-term strategic planning. He's best on short-term logistics and goals, me on in-the-moment adaptation and problem solving. Neither of us is particularly effective at projecting 5 years into the future.

    Hope that helps. It can be difficult for an INFP when surrounded by SJs - I have a lot of them in my life, so can certainly relate. Our job however is to grow into our own inferior functions, and as uncomfortable as that may feel, it's natural to be attracted to what we lack.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
    Likes SD45T-2, melomania liked this post

  9. #9
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2 so/sp
    Posts
    2,332

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Yes, I am married to one, 26 years now (but re the post above, no, I am not @Showbread's mom.)
    Mommy?
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

    3w2 6w7 1w2
    *Gryffindor*

    Likes Yaru, EJCC, uumlau liked this post

  10. #10
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    Mommy?
    Yes, dear? No worries, I checked your birthday, you're not one I've given birth to.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
    Likes Showbread, uumlau liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. [INFP] Is it common for INFPs to behave like ESTJs in social environments?
    By Yaru in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 05-10-2015, 09:12 AM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ + ENFP = Transcendental Romance. INFJ + ESTJ = Duality. Any thoughts?
    By finalfantasy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 113
    Last Post: 08-26-2011, 05:28 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO