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  1. #1
    literally your mother PocketFullOf's Avatar
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    Default The Myers-Briggs Asshole Index

    The Myers-Briggs Asshole Index | Johannes Punkt's Flaskpost

    This is pretty hilarious. Unfortunately, while I was giddy with excitement about getting ripped a new one, when I got to the ENTP section I found this:

    ENTP

    ENTPs are nice, inventive, perfect people, hindered by the serious handicap of nonexistence. If someone told you you were an ENTP, they probably knew you were an ENTJ, and they were trying to be nice. The ENTP animal is a unicorn.
    Okay maybe @GarrotTheThief is right. I guess I really am an ENTJ. MLIO!!!

    Anyway, find your type and post it, and tell us all what you think of the assessment. This should be fun.

    I would post them all myself but then I would probably be accused of spamming again.

    WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!


    Also, some asshole in the comments said this was biased in favor of ENTPs, yeah, in the same way a pop atheist's argument of why we are here is biased in favor of God. I want the last half hour of my life back.


    Taking a concept to it's logical end is rarely logical or relevant to the subject at hand.
    Johari Nohari
    7w6-3w2-1w9 / sCUA|I| / SER SEI
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    bagfullofclocks | type me if you can

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  2. #2
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    ENFP

    Slightly hippyish, the ENFP is often one to black out after one drink. They will not stop pestering you with their ideas and they will usually not understand your feelings either. Very common, these idiots are not ones to bother with being consistent in their statements, and arguing with them will be frustrating as they’ve forgotten the beginning of the issue once you’ve explained why they’re wrong about the tangent they brought up. The apt animal comparison would be “goldfish”. Nothing fazes them, and everything is interesting as long as it’s in sight.

    They are usually happy, not having found anything to be unhappy about. Spending time with an ENFP is difficult, considering not many have the patience to listen to their stupid ideas. These are the people who get tribal tattoos and think that makes them part of a tribe. ENFPs are like reverse nihilists, in that they believe in everything you tell them.

    Being in a relationship with an ENFP is a challenge; expect to do all the work for little reward. While you might find that, during an initial period of falling in love, you really do connect with the ENFP, this is just due to them being so plastic and vapid that anything deeper than, say, an army boot is too hard for them to understand, so they’ll just parrot whatever you said. You are probably an INFP since you didn’t notice this, you cock.

    ~

    i wish i could understand this, but i'm so vapid and literal that i can't. someone plz give me a fun thing so i can feel happy.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
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  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    INTP

    The Germans have a word for INTPs, and it is “Besserwisser”. It means someone who thinks they know better. The INTPs are sore losers and very much adherents to the “once burned, twice shy” mentality. Unfortunately, as many (if not all) personalities on this scale they do not understand that others do not function like they do. This trait is extra extra pronounced in the INTP, who cannot understand the idea of anyone wanting to do something they have already done.

    The INTP adores factoids and often does not check whether a tiny piece of information or statistic is correct, they just love that it is a tiny piece of informations. This gets many of them working with computers. Badumdum-pshh.

    If you give a task to an INTP, do not expect it done. They will likely fret over completely the wrong shit and then do the opposite of what you asked. They can’t actually finish anything, so they are worthless academically or professionally, but they will beat you in Trivial Pursuit. They will bloody slaughter you in Trivial Pursuit, and they will gloat about it and they will repeat the exchange that happened when you lost, they will say “and I asked you this and you thought it was that,” and all this is because of two facts that you need to know about INTPs.

    1.They identify strongly with Trivial Pursuit because that is their life in a nutshell, metaphorically.
    2.They’ve heard of humour, but only in the abstract, dissecting-a-frog-way.

    The totem animal for INTP is a crab. An ugly, foul-smelling crab who believes itself to be a princess.


    I don't play Trivial Pursuit anymore, I kept getting beat in the Sports section.

    ... but Cards Against Humanity? Bwa ha ha ha.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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  4. #4
    Senior Member robowolf's Avatar
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    ISTPs are people who can actually can be helped, unlike many of the ‘hollow’ (ISTJs, ENFJs, ENTJs, ESFJs), or ‘disturbed’ (ISFJ, INTP, ENTJ, ESTP) personalities. They can be helped by taking a motherfucking chill pill. An ISTP is unpredictable in the worst of ways – one second they might be slouching around doing absolutely nothing, and in the next they will be all up in your face screaming and flailing. They don’t care about their own or others’ safety, they rarely check facts, and they often endanger others with their shenanigans. Imagine them as ticking bombs.
    Oh shut up. I don't tick.

    A relationship with an ISTP is exhausting. If they do not get what they want they will act like a child and you will be thoroughly embarrassed because these grown-up babies will sulk or throw fits, just like non-grown up babies. Though perhaps it’s an unfair comparison. I mean, babies can be adorable and stuff. ISTPs can’t.
    Babies can be adorable? Seriously? Ew.

    The animal that is linked to the ISTP personality is the tamagotchi. What do you mean, ‘not a real animal’? Screw you.
    Whatever.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    INFP

    INFPs are not concerned with the material world, anything that matters to them happens inside their head. They are the kid in the back of the class who understands nothing and believes themselves to understand it all, which is why they never ask questions, and always make assumptions. If you correct their assumptions they are likely to not hear you.



    In the grand scheme of things, INFPs forgive everyone, perhaps because of the lingering doubt that anything they perceive is truly there. Their animal totem would be the stupid, drooling, cute dog.



    Sometimes, the actual real world penetrates the foggy glass of their John Lennon-style rose-coloured shades, and they are prone to extreme depression when this happens. Usually, the best way to get them out of this is distracting them with something shiny, or make a doll of the friend they lost they can keep as a substitute. Since you considered doing this creepy thing, I can but assume you’re an ISFJ, so get away from me, get far away.


    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies

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  6. #6
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    INTJ

    The INTJ totem animal is the octopus. They prefer to stay in the darkness, unlike their Extravert counterparts, ENTJs, the INTJs rarely get caught. They make this world a pissy place and they do not often at all stand for their crimes, but let someone else take the fall.

    To give you an idea of what kind of people INTJs are, I’ll provide you with a list of famous INTJs:

    Karl Rove
    Hannibal Lecter
    Reinhard Heydrich
    Ayn Rand
    Roger Ailes
    Rebekah Brooks
    So yeah. They are much better at being low-key than the ENTJs, and they often do not understand that what they’re doing is evil.
    Oh, we know very well. We just can't be bothered to care. (insert Mr. Burns fingertip-tapping)

    It's interesting that INTJs are often represented by the octopus. They've been my favorite animal since long before I'd even heard of MBTI. And not because they're reclusive and sinister, but because they're intelligent and fascinating. I even think they're sort of cute, in a weird squishy way.

  7. #7
    Senior Member robowolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    It's interesting that INTJs are often represented by the octopus. They've been my favorite animal since long before I'd even heard of MBTI. And not because they're reclusive and sinister, but because they're intelligent and fascinating. I even think they're sort of cute, in a weird squishy way.
    And they taste good.

    *runs like hell and hides*
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  8. #8
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by robowolf View Post
    And they taste good.

    *runs like hell and hides*

  9. #9
    Senior Member cm81's Avatar
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    INFJ

    INFJs are fond of themselves. They try to have friends but they often do not get past the “hello” phase. They prefer non-interactive media, which is why they predilect for poetry and prose. The fucking paper will not fucking talk back to them.

    In the rare occasion that they do manage to befriend someone (after alternating between telling a potential friend too much and then too little about themselves, perhaps they found a balance for once), the INFJ listen to others and then they pretend that the anecdotes relayed to them were ones they experienced themselves. This way, everything can be about them.

    INFJs often want to change the world, but what they don’t realize is that they, themselves, need to change. The INFJ animal is a badger. Badgers are dumb. Badgers won’t fucking let go if they bite you, much like an INFJ. INFJs are prone to biting people, the freaks.

    ~

    I must say, I do have a tendency for biting when the urge strikes..only my closest people! @johnnyyukon I thought of an earlier conversation we had when reading this. Thought you might find it amusing.
    "The true genius shudders at incompleteness, preferring silence to everything that it should be." Edgar Allen Poe

    "There's a magic inside,
    Just waiting to burst out.
    There world is a goldmine-
    That will melt tomorrow."M83
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  10. #10
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    Don't worry, people won't eat something called "bad octopus." You sound like you've been out of the fridge too long.

    (Then again, there's a "sucker" born every minute. HAHAHAHA! "Sucker!" Isn't that hilarious?! And ironic?? If you were a tarot card, you'd be a Page of Tentacles!)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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