The Myers-Briggs Asshole Index

[PocketFullOf]

The Myers-Briggs Asshole Index | Johannes Punkt's Flaskpost

This is pretty hilarious. Unfortunately, while I was giddy with excitement about getting ripped a new one, when I got to the ENTP section I found this:

ENTP

ENTPs are nice, inventive, perfect people, hindered by the serious handicap of nonexistence. If someone told you you were an ENTP, they probably knew you were an ENTJ, and they were trying to be nice. The ENTP animal is a unicorn.

Okay maybe [MENTION=23213]GarrotTheThief[/MENTION] is right. I guess I really am an ENTJ. MLIO!!!

Anyway, find your type and post it, and tell us all what you think of the assessment. This should be fun.

I would post them all myself but then I would probably be accused of spamming again.

WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Also, some asshole in the comments said this was biased in favor of ENTPs, yeah, in the same way a pop atheist's argument of why we are here is biased in favor of God. I want the last half hour of my life back.

 

[five sounds]

ENFP

Slightly hippyish, the ENFP is often one to black out after one drink. They will not stop pestering you with their ideas and they will usually not understand your feelings either. Very common, these idiots are not ones to bother with being consistent in their statements, and arguing with them will be frustrating as they’ve forgotten the beginning of the issue once you’ve explained why they’re wrong about the tangent they brought up. The apt animal comparison would be “goldfish”. Nothing fazes them, and everything is interesting as long as it’s in sight.

They are usually happy, not having found anything to be unhappy about. Spending time with an ENFP is difficult, considering not many have the patience to listen to their stupid ideas. These are the people who get tribal tattoos and think that makes them part of a tribe. ENFPs are like reverse nihilists, in that they believe in everything you tell them.

Being in a relationship with an ENFP is a challenge; expect to do all the work for little reward. While you might find that, during an initial period of falling in love, you really do connect with the ENFP, this is just due to them being so plastic and vapid that anything deeper than, say, an army boot is too hard for them to understand, so they’ll just parrot whatever you said. You are probably an INFP since you didn’t notice this, you cock.

~

i wish i could understand this, but i'm so vapid and literal that i can't. someone plz give me a fun thing so i can feel happy.

 

[Totenkindly]

INTP

The Germans have a word for INTPs, and it is “Besserwisser”. It means someone who thinks they know better. The INTPs are sore losers and very much adherents to the “once burned, twice shy” mentality. Unfortunately, as many (if not all) personalities on this scale they do not understand that others do not function like they do. This trait is extra extra pronounced in the INTP, who cannot understand the idea of anyone wanting to do something they have already done.

The INTP adores factoids and often does not check whether a tiny piece of information or statistic is correct, they just love that it is a tiny piece of informations. This gets many of them working with computers. Badumdum-pshh.

If you give a task to an INTP, do not expect it done. They will likely fret over completely the wrong shit and then do the opposite of what you asked. They can’t actually finish anything, so they are worthless academically or professionally, but they will beat you in Trivial Pursuit. They will bloody slaughter you in Trivial Pursuit, and they will gloat about it and they will repeat the exchange that happened when you lost, they will say “and I asked you this and you thought it was that,” and all this is because of two facts that you need to know about INTPs.

1.They identify strongly with Trivial Pursuit because that is their life in a nutshell, metaphorically.
2.They’ve heard of humour, but only in the abstract, dissecting-a-frog-way.

The totem animal for INTP is a crab. An ugly, foul-smelling crab who believes itself to be a princess.

I don't play Trivial Pursuit anymore, I kept getting beat in the Sports section.

... but Cards Against Humanity? Bwa ha ha ha.

 

[robowolf]

ISTPs are people who can actually can be helped, unlike many of the ‘hollow’ (ISTJs, ENFJs, ENTJs, ESFJs), or ‘disturbed’ (ISFJ, INTP, ENTJ, ESTP) personalities. They can be helped by taking a motherfucking chill pill. An ISTP is unpredictable in the worst of ways – one second they might be slouching around doing absolutely nothing, and in the next they will be all up in your face screaming and flailing. They don’t care about their own or others’ safety, they rarely check facts, and they often endanger others with their shenanigans. Imagine them as ticking bombs.

Oh shut up. I don't tick.

A relationship with an ISTP is exhausting. If they do not get what they want they will act like a child and you will be thoroughly embarrassed because these grown-up babies will sulk or throw fits, just like non-grown up babies. Though perhaps it’s an unfair comparison. I mean, babies can be adorable and stuff. ISTPs can’t.

Babies can be adorable? Seriously? Ew.

The animal that is linked to the ISTP personality is the tamagotchi. What do you mean, ‘not a real animal’? Screw you.

Whatever.

 

[Yaru]

INFP

INFPs are not concerned with the material world, anything that matters to them happens inside their head. They are the kid in the back of the class who understands nothing and believes themselves to understand it all, which is why they never ask questions, and always make assumptions. If you correct their assumptions they are likely to not hear you.

Pretty true. Besides to the fact that I did ACTUALLY understand everything
Nah. I just didn't like answers that didn't explain all the ''WHYs'' in my head, and couldn't get how other people could just accept and consider as true the first randomly given answer.

In the grand scheme of things, INFPs forgive everyone, perhaps because of the lingering doubt that anything they perceive is truly there. Their animal totem would be the stupid, drooling, cute dog.

I feel insulted. I'm obviously a cat. I hate those dirty smelly dogs. ewww. (Ok some of 'em can be considered cute-ish. But... seriously. No thanks.

Sometimes, the actual real world penetrates the foggy glass of their John Lennon-style rose-coloured shades, and they are prone to extreme depression when this happens. Usually, the best way to get them out of this is distracting them with something shiny, or make a doll of the friend they lost they can keep as a substitute. Since you considered doing this creepy thing, I can but assume you’re an ISFJ, so get away from me, get far away.

Hahahah what? I can see other INFP friends doing something like this. I would just find some other ways to be creepy tho.

 

[BadOctopus]

INTJ

The INTJ totem animal is the octopus. They prefer to stay in the darkness, unlike their Extravert counterparts, ENTJs, the INTJs rarely get caught. They make this world a pissy place and they do not often at all stand for their crimes, but let someone else take the fall.

To give you an idea of what kind of people INTJs are, I’ll provide you with a list of famous INTJs:

Karl Rove
Hannibal Lecter
Reinhard Heydrich
Ayn Rand
Roger Ailes
Rebekah Brooks
So yeah. They are much better at being low-key than the ENTJs, and they often do not understand that what they’re doing is evil.

Oh, we know very well. We just can't be bothered to care. (insert Mr. Burns fingertip-tapping)

It's interesting that INTJs are often represented by the octopus. They've been my favorite animal since long before I'd even heard of MBTI. And not because they're reclusive and sinister, but because they're intelligent and fascinating. I even think they're sort of cute, in a weird squishy way.

 

[robowolf]

It's interesting that INTJs are often represented by the octopus. They've been my favorite animal since long before I'd even heard of MBTI. And not because they're reclusive and sinister, but because they're intelligent and fascinating. I even think they're sort of cute, in a weird squishy way.

And they taste good.

*runs like hell and hides*

 

[BadOctopus]

And they taste good.

*runs like hell and hides*

 

[cm81]

INFJ

INFJs are fond of themselves. They try to have friends but they often do not get past the “hello” phase. They prefer non-interactive media, which is why they predilect for poetry and prose. The fucking paper will not fucking talk back to them.

In the rare occasion that they do manage to befriend someone (after alternating between telling a potential friend too much and then too little about themselves, perhaps they found a balance for once), the INFJ listen to others and then they pretend that the anecdotes relayed to them were ones they experienced themselves. This way, everything can be about them.

INFJs often want to change the world, but what they don’t realize is that they, themselves, need to change. The INFJ animal is a badger. Badgers are dumb. Badgers won’t fucking let go if they bite you, much like an INFJ. INFJs are prone to biting people, the freaks.

~

I must say, I do have a tendency for biting when the urge strikes..only my closest people! [MENTION=20955]johnnyyukon[/MENTION] I thought of an earlier conversation we had when reading this. Thought you might find it amusing.

 

[Totenkindly]

Don't worry, people won't eat something called "bad octopus." You sound like you've been out of the fridge too long.

(Then again, there's a "sucker" born every minute. HAHAHAHA! "Sucker!" Isn't that hilarious?! And ironic?? If you were a tarot card, you'd be a Page of Tentacles!)

 

[Showbread]

Don't worry, people won't eat something called "bad octopus." You sound like you've been out of the fridge too long.

(Then again, there's a "sucker" born every minute. HAHAHAHA! "Sucker!" Isn't that hilarious?! And ironic?? If you were a tarot card, you'd be a Page of Tentacles!)

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

That was amusing. Slightly truthful.

 

[Cellmold]

INFJ

INFJs are fond of themselves. They try to have friends but they often do not get past the “hello” phase. They prefer non-interactive media, which is why they predilect for poetry and prose. The fucking paper will not fucking talk back to them.

In the rare occasion that they do manage to befriend someone (after alternating between telling a potential friend too much and then too little about themselves, perhaps they found a balance for once), the INFJ listen to others and then they pretend that the anecdotes relayed to them were ones they experienced themselves. This way, everything can be about them.

INFJs often want to change the world, but what they don’t realize is that they, themselves, need to change. The INFJ animal is a badger. Badgers are dumb. Badgers won’t fucking let go if they bite you, much like an INFJ. INFJs are prone to biting people, the freaks.

~

I must say, I do have a tendency for biting when the urge strikes..only my closest people! [MENTION=20955]johnnyyukon[/MENTION] I thought of an earlier conversation we had when reading this. Thought you might find it amusing.

Badgers are also often found dead in the road...not sure if that relates or not.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

Ah so much cristicism, how much can INFP handle it before crying out a river?

INFP

INFPs are not concerned with the material world, anything that matters to them happens inside their head. They are the kid in the back of the class who understands nothing and believes themselves to understand it all, which is why they never ask questions, and always make assumptions. If you correct their assumptions they are likely to not hear you.

In the grand scheme of things, INFPs forgive everyone, perhaps because of the lingering doubt that anything they perceive is truly there. Their animal totem would be the stupid, drooling, cute dog.

Sometimes, the actual real world penetrates the foggy glass of their John Lennon-style rose-coloured shades, and they are prone to extreme depression when this happens. Usually, the best way to get them out of this is distracting them with something shiny, or make a doll of the friend they lost they can keep as a substitute. Since you considered doing this creepy thing, I can but assume you’re an ISFJ, so get away from me, get far away.

They are likely to find meaning in meaningless things, and relationships with INFPs end typically because of imagined slights, or the realization that nothing you’ve said for the last fourteen months have even been processed by their brains. If you leave, it might take them up to three weeks to notice, had you been living together.

 

[BadOctopus]

Don't worry, people won't eat something called "bad octopus." You sound like you've been out of the fridge too long.

(Then again, there's a "sucker" born every minute. HAHAHAHA! "Sucker!" Isn't that hilarious?! And ironic?? If you were a tarot card, you'd be a Page of Tentacles!)

Arghh, the puns! THEY HURT!

 

[five sounds]

Don't worry, people won't eat something called "bad octopus." You sound like you've been out of the fridge too long.

(Then again, there's a "sucker" born every minute. HAHAHAHA! "Sucker!" Isn't that hilarious?! And ironic?? If you were a tarot card, you'd be a Page of Tentacles!)

 

[cm81]

Badgers are also often found dead in the road...not sure if that relates or not.

But the honey badgers are so badass

 

[rav3n]

Well this is dumb.

ENTJ

Scruples are alien to them. They have no compunctions about petty details like ruining someone else’s life, and if they can get away with it they will gladly stab you with the dagger themselves.

Why get all messy with blood when we can get others to take care of business for us?

 

[OrangeAppled]

INFPs are not concerned with the material world, anything that matters to them happens inside their head. They are the kid in the back of the class who understands nothing and believes themselves to understand it all, which is why they never ask questions, and always make assumptions. If you correct their assumptions they are likely to not hear you.

Sounds more like INFJs. Most INFPs I know, including myself, ask a lot of questions as a part of "active listening".
I'm too aware there are many different perspectives to feel I understand it all, although I can be a know-it-all at times. Still, this sounds more like INFJs to me.

In the grand scheme of things, INFPs forgive everyone, perhaps because of the lingering doubt that anything they perceive is truly there. Their animal totem would be the stupid, drooling, cute dog.

The first sentence is sort of true . But tsk, tsk, everyone knows INFPs are cats! Some of us are the snooty kind, and others are the gentle lap cats, but cats nonetheless.

Sometimes, the actual real world penetrates the foggy glass of their John Lennon-style rose-coloured shades, and they are prone to extreme depression when this happens. Usually, the best way to get them out of this is distracting them with something shiny, or make a doll of the friend they lost they can keep as a substitute. Since you considered doing this creepy thing, I can but assume you’re an ISFJ, so get away from me, get far away.

They are likely to find meaning in meaningless things, and relationships with INFPs end typically because of imagined slights, or the realization that nothing you’ve said for the last fourteen months have even been processed by their brains. If you leave, it might take them up to three weeks to notice, had you been living together.



Oh we processed it all, but we found it incredibly meaningless

 

[johnnyyukon]

Highlights so far:


ENFP

The apt animal comparison would be "goldfish."

INTP

They will bloody slaughter you in Trivial Pursuit

1.They identify strongly with Trivial Pursuit because that is their life in a nutshell, metaphorically.

ISTP

One second they might be slouching around doing absolutely nothing, and in the next they will be all up in your face screaming and flailing.

haha, flailing


INFJ

They try to have friends but they often do not get past the “hello” phase.


ENTJ

They have no compunctions about petty details like ruining someone else’s life




My 6th sense is telling me this was slightly biased towards ENTPs. I shall have to find or write an ENTP caricature.