does this sound like an ni/ne thing (or neither)

[toluene]

does any feel like shedding some light on whether this sounds like a rudimentary ni or ne sort of thought process? or some other kind of cobbled together mental coping mechanism? i’m really into symbolic concepts and systems but i don’t ever get any of the 'telling the future based on unseen trends or signs' feelings, and from what i can find ni seems pretty future oriented.
the 'cognitive processes' website description of ne resonates a lot with me, particularity the problem of getting mired in seeing validity in way too many conflicting points of view.

it is a monster, i put in in a spoiler D8

my favorite topics are things like emergence, planetary history, symbiosis and parasitism, and my main focus is microbial ecology. the areas i’m really, really into are things like syntrophic communities, ecosystem structure, ecological relationships, liminal points where ‘individuals’ become separate from their community or the organisms that live in and around them, how these factors affect and inform the function of the community, and the way they exist along side other communities and ‘learn’ to transform new, underutilized sources of energy.

I follow linear logic pretty poorly (i’m also fucked when it comes to wrote memorization), and have a lot of anxiety about covering for it because all the fields i’m interested in tend to be populated by pretty hard core logic manipulators. my relationship to linear logic makes me feel like a cork being helplessly carried along by a wave, drowning half the time and and feeling essentially unable to control or externally evaluate it. i can get really trapped in seeing equal value of any number of conflicting points of view, and lose the ability to independently evaluate them until i can get a lot of distance.

The way i tend to compensate for it is by focusing on how things relate to each other, which is something i’m much better at tracking. I tend to compile a bunch of information, get completely overwhelmed via data overload, draw a bunch of pictures or word maps, and then calm down and sit with it until connections start forming. it can feel kind of like mental twilight: light conditions are flux and the appearance of things is changing and can be deceptive, but then you slowly start seeing stars as separate from the background information, until the point where you can make out actual constellations(ie relevant relationships). i feEL like what i’m experiencing during these moments is probably flow, and it's pretty much the highlight of my life.

i know this sounds like an unreliable kind of way to process and organize data but i’m actually a good student. i love school, and i get decent grades(never top of the class though), and i've even had a few professors call me brilliant. that is in fact not true, they were biased because i groked a few of their pet theories but i still love telling people that bcuz i am extremely insecure about my hacked together mental process 8D honesty sharing time

 

[eudaimonia]

It seems more like Ne because of the randomness of your thoughts and how you are communicating like butterflies on fire fluttering in several different directions. I think the inductive nature of Ne helps to bring many different ideas to the forefront to be sorted in deductive fashion by Ti or Te depending on how your cogs are stacked. So, sure, if you think that is what makes better sense to you, then you might know better than anyone here.

My Ni is more like a Final Destination film which is always thinking of myriads of possibilities' possible conclusions. Without the destination, it doesn't seem much like Ni.