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  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    This is similar to my experience. I was raised to learn and employ various formulas for social interaction, though many of them don't make sense to me and I would not naturally figure them out. When I am in a very unfamiliar social environment, I fall back on what I hope is a least-common-denominator rule set that at least keeps me from being unintentionally rude, and observe others carefully to learn the rules of this setting.
    The funniest thing to me is that the bold seems to be a commonly shared viewpoint. I imagine there is something of an averaging effect with social norms/etiquette that happens, where the average of social norms ends up being slightly removed from the average person's perspective. So etiquette is a little strange to all of us, even though its attempt/purpose is to create an environment that is optimized for everyone. Which further emphasizes why Fe would not necessarily be conducive to etiquette.

  2. #12
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    If I had to be honest, I did grow up in an upper class community. So when I know more about the proper social etiquette, in a way it makes me feel more refined than those around me. I follow the etiquette to seem...impressive. I'm a 3w4.

  3. #13
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    The funniest thing to me is that the bold seems to be a commonly shared viewpoint. I imagine there is something of an averaging effect with social norms/etiquette that happens, where the average of social norms ends up being slightly removed from the average person's perspective. So etiquette is a little strange to all of us, even though its attempt/purpose is to create an environment that is optimized for everyone. Which further emphasizes why Fe would not necessarily be conducive to etiquette.
    It's a bit like this. When I was in the military, I had occasion to be walking out the door of the commissary just as a colonel was approaching it. I had my grocery bag in my left arm, leaving my right arm free to salute him, but had I done so, I would have had to let the door close in front of him. So, I opted to do him the practical courtesy of holding the door for him while I wished him good afternoon, rather than the formal courtesy of a salute. I find myself doing such reckonings often - weighing practicality vs. tradition or expectation in trying to be courteous or even kind to others.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #14
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    It's a bit like this. When I was in the military, I had occasion to be walking out the door of the commissary just as a colonel was approaching it. I had my grocery bag in my left arm, leaving my right arm free to salute him, but had I done so, I would have had to let the door close in front of him. So, I opted to do him the practical courtesy of holding the door for him while I wished him good afternoon, rather than the formal courtesy of a salute. I find myself doing such reckonings often - weighing practicality vs. tradition or expectation in trying to be courteous or even kind to others.
    Hah, yeah, even if it meant missing out on the formal courtesy, I would imagine the colonel appreciated your consideration and the lack of door in his face. You figured out a way of demonstrating kindness and respect towards him that was more tailored to his specific situation than the standardized form of etiquette would have prescribed.

    At least personally I would consider that a more sophisticated degree of interpersonal relating... etiquette is particularly useful in large and formal situations, but if there's a more expedient way of getting to the heart of it, I would prefer the more genuine path.

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