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Why do others hate INFJs?

Starry

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...I didn't properly introduce why I exploded in the first place, I understand myself better and it's not worth explaining when I'm still vulnerable and upset and the reason is NOT listed in these recent posts here.


^I've been trying to get the members of this forum to recognize that there is a type related component to what just occurred here during this recent exchange for a couple of years now to no avail...only to see Ni dom after Ni dom turned into the "town crazy" and run out of town.

I too feel extremely uncomfortable with references to "group institutions" (although gaslighting is kinda fun).
 

Z Buck McFate

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Sometimes it's easier to deal with "bossy" TJs than to deal with less overtly bossy, but more manipulative types, IME.

Well, there's bossy and then there's mean. And NTJs can cross over into directly mean.

Whether or not I'd choose an NTJ being directly mean (plain vitriol) vs. and NP being manipulative (veiled vitriol) has more to do with the amount of anger/entitlement fueling it than the behavior itself.

***

(My point was, though, that all types have their shitty behavior *and* INFJ shitty behavior does actually look like WUR is describing it. IMO.)


eta: And I think the inability to hear it is indeed a matter of incoming information expanding in a way that wasn't intended (A -> C, skipping B)- and bickering over details is actually just going to make it worse. I'd intended to somehow point that out, and somehow completely didn't. At any rate, it's just difficult to watch someone trigger defensiveness (however inadvertently) in an INFJ and then get mean (however inadvertently) in pointing out how their defensiveness is making them example of bad INFJness.

further eta:
there is a type related component to what just occurred here during this recent exchange for a couple of years now to no avail..only to see Ni dom after Ni dom turned into the "town crazy" and run out of town.
Yeah, I'm not sure I'd say there was gaslighting going on per se, but this^ is what's bothering me about this exchange.
 

PeaceBaby

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^I've been trying to get the members of this forum to recognize that there is a type related component to what just occurred here during this recent exchange for a couple of years now to no avail...only to see Ni dom after Ni dom turned into the "town crazy" and run out of town.

I too feel extremely uncomfortable with references to "group institutions" (although gaslighting is kinda fun).

Well, it seems to me that the people who don't see the type-related component are primarily the INFJs themselves.

So, what next? The answer / response to (what you're potentially labelling) gaslighting (whether intentional or not) isn't the Ti-fail argument that "Other types are bad too!" or "You're so mean!"
 

Dyslexxie

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^^I hate it when NTPs do this. Hate.

(Is there a NTP hate thread I can get busy in?)
Of course there is. Go for it. It's getting a little dull in there so we need the hate. There's a specific ENTP one too if you're interested!
 

1487610420

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some ppl will ignore reality specially if everyone around them points it out, and instead manages to spin it towards others instead...
 

Starry

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Well, it seems to me that the people who don't see the type-related component are primarily the INFJs themselves.

So, what next? The answer / response to (what you're potentially labelling) gaslighting (whether intentional or not) isn't the Ti-fail argument that "Other types are bad too!" or "You're so mean!"


I haven't been sleeping all that well this week <-and feel that is contributing to my inability to understand really what you are saying here. Because of this I feel kinda bad to ask you to clarify because I can't guarantee I'll understand the clarification... but at least at some point I'd like to know your meaning...
 

PeaceBaby

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I haven't been sleeping all that well this week <-and feel that is contributing to my inability to understand really what you are saying here. Because of this I feel kinda bad to ask you to clarify because I can't guarantee I'll understand the clarification... but at least at some point I'd like to know your meaning...

No worries, happy to clarify. Let me put together something more specific - might be later this evening.

The gist of it though, bottom-line, is what can people do to help in these types of situations - what can INFJs do to help themselves (and what can their type-mates do) and what can other types bring to the table to help de-escalate yet validate the INFJ and assist them in discussion or to articulate (in a reasonably cogent timeframe) what the issue is.

Because frankly, look at the baggage that's being brought back up in here about Pe yet again. That's years worth of time of processing with progress at about the rate of a snail leaving a slime-goo trail across Canada. That's not realistic in an environment geared towards mortality. It does formulate a portion of why some INFJs drive people nuts. 'Cause by all means, let's have a grievance that needs years worth of time to process so that we never talk about it directly, but can be used to poke and poke for all of that time. It is very hurtful (eta I'd go so far to say at this point it is actually abusive, sanctioned abuse at that).

I'm looking for the win-win solution-wise. Otherwise I be riding on my horse and gunslinging (figuratively speaking) my way across the desert.
 

Masokissed

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I didn't realize INFJs were hated. I've met a couple of really irritating ones, but most of them are lovely people.

Forever said:
That may include INTJ's into the "mix" ba dum tst

That's way more an INTJ thing IMO.
 

Forever

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I didn't realize INFJs were hated. I've met a couple of really irritating ones, but most of them are lovely people.

That's way more an INTJ thing IMO.

:fsm::mariobanana::tiedup:
Even an ENTJ thing if you think about it.
 

five sounds

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I love INFJs usually. Some of the warmest deepest awarest people on earth at their best.

Also I bet there's an Internet hate group for every type. Good research project lol.
 

Forever

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This is a quote from mija now (quoting from Girl, Interrupted film) that it's established that I must literally be insane. Lol.

Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train was moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. ... Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.

10299812_920087634713795_410277486_n.jpg
 

Forever

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I love INFJs usually. Some of the warmest deepest awarest people on earth at their best.

Also I bet there's an Internet hate group for every type. Good research project lol.

When I first heard of the INFJ personality type, it wasn't from a description, it was from a hate group. :D Indeed.
 

Chrysanthe

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Considering I can't sympathize with any of these supposed unhealthy INFJ problems, it makes me further doubt my INFJness... though maybe I'm the wrong kind of unhealthy? I certainly am not giving in to my inner ESTP, if anything, merely relying on my Ni Ti and malnourished Fe.

I don't assume I know everything and in fact doubt everything 100% of the time, whether it comes from me or someone else. If I do have some grand vision, I usually keep it to myself because I just assume everyone else knows what they want more than I do, and that it would be a waste of time to change everyone's ways of thinking. I can look down on others in my head for their "lower" ways of thinking, but simply acknowledge that they may have their own motives for how they live and I'm just being delusional in thinking that my own values are somehow worth more.

but hey I'm INTP now so I must not be affected by these problems anymore.
 

the state i am in

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at times, we most benefit from having someone patiently sit with us, listen deep all the way thru the shame, and be there w real attention and steadiness to help encourage us to allow the huge circling/cycling thoughts to pass. worldviews are very heavy, if you feel like you (and we) have a responsibility to clean them.

there can be a bit of helpelessness too. you can see this sometimes in isfjs as well. we rely on group support kind of a lot, even if we do so in a way that is a behind the scenes, kind of secondary, sometimes passive role (which can mean having our needs met and taking responsibility to direct that process can be challenging when we really need to be direct in asking for help from others). some of it is a kind of fearfully lazy, learned kind. some is based on real challenge, especially in terms of directly taking control of a situation and effectively, addressing concerns, needed strategies, ways of responding, etc. isfjs usually have a bit easier time committing, bc they don't spend so much time organizing worlds of hypotheticals, which can be burdensome and, when not effectively transitioning back to the reality of the present, frustrate others for good reason. timing matters (which, to me, is definitely my tragic flaw, if i were to claim one).

sitting with a friend having help reality-testing things is something i value so much. trust makes a world of difference, and Fe at odds with dominant culture, really needs deeper qualities of trust with itself and others, bc without additional supports, for all intents and purposes, it IS broken, bc its fit with the habit of others is not helping but harming it (which, if it's bad on the outside, it's bc it's been really bad on the inside too for a long time, and those INTERNALIZED conflicts haven't been healed). in this sense, for us, especially when we're really dialed in, healing kind of assumes a better way of coming together with others, that it's never just us or just them, that the way we belong WITH the world is part of who we are.

^^^also why, to me, those baiting moments, irresponsible generalizations, and emotional outgassing attacks can feel really harmful, when there truly IS a destructive or dangerous energy i am working with and it is being triggered and then turned around as more "proof" of why i am bad in the first place. i think that's where there's a difference in expectation for consideration and responsibility that Fe/Fi can diverge upon, alone or together. we both sometimes want to just be like, c'mon! be constructive! either way, to me at least, whether the person on the other end of the line cares or not makes the biggest difference.

i mean, for myself, when particularly stressed i know i can get aloof, a bit jittery and frazzled, some tunnel vision action, and somewhat judgy and assuming. it can be off-putting, but my general tendency during those times is just to disappear anyway. some of those close to me, especially when my boundaries aren't disciplined enough, have felt more of my deeper internal push/pull.

with that in mind, this idea that **people like me** should be locked up bc we are dangerously self-absorbed is just so over-the-top. i am more likely to be cynical or fanciful or some mood-avoidant thing, but the harm i would do is more out of irrelevance than out of anything else. i have reacted out of anger before, and this is a different story. in those moments, it has been more harmful, where i actually wanted to prove people wrong, regardless of their experience and the cost to them. this is where, for me, that gut type, anger type, e8 shadow sometimes burns hot, and i need to own that better.
 
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