Why do others hate INFJs?

[Evee]

another thing i feel pretty confident in generalizing about, that speaks to my experience in a very deep way and seems to be illustrated through the concept of N pretty clearly, is that i do naturally identify with my dreams more than i identify with reality. this is where my consciousness begins, and so i am usually dreaming in some sense. for me as Ni, there is a strong sense of identifying with the meaning of things more than with the moment (and its constitutive interactive elements).

 

[Coriolis]

But is the hatred directed at said INFJ because they are an INFJ? I seriously doubt anybody hates a particular personality type enough to hate someone just for that reason.

I see threads popping up a lot where somebody looks to MBTI differences as a way of explaining weird behaviour in others. While I am happy to jokingly indulge for a while for shock value, being serious:

I know some INFJs who are easy going and don't have much wrong with them. I have also had the misfortune to meet one who was seriously screwed up. When somebody in my life started behaving strangely, MBTI was not the tool I needed to diagnose the problem. While I think MBTI is useful in understanding a person's personality holistically (especially if they are healthy), it can easily be muddied by depression and other mental health issues.

I don't see anyone saying the highlighted. MBTI is useful in helping to explain differences. It often shows why behavior that might seem weird to me is actually ordinary and even reasonable, given how a different type tends to process information and relate to the world. It's like the title of that book: "I'm not crazy, I'm just not you".

Yes, any type can be screwed up, or a great friend, or a self-serving jackass. They will tend to manifest these conditions in different ways, though, and one person's normal can easily be another person's troubled state. This is the premise of my second interpretation of the INFJ question. One can certainly unravel all of this without any typology system. It's just a tool that helps some people in doing it.

 

[Starry]

It could be a judging issue, I could see that. I also don't think a lot of types would notice when an INFJ does it, unless they're constantly watching for it. Most of the time our need to help comes with the natural flow of conversation - and when we think people are unconsciously looking for answers to their questions. I don't personally try to press my assumptions on people unless I think they want or need insights. But I do get thrown a bit when I think people are asking for advice or help, and they're really not.

I think the OPs description of INFJs was a bit strong, but that's because I don't think any type can be "hated" per se. I think misunderstood is more likely, but misunderstanding can grow into frustration, which can then transform into anger. But hate? I think people may "hate" individuals, but I don't get the idea of hating a whole group of people who happen to share personalities. To me, that's like hating an entire ethnic group.

Okay, that was really stupid of me haha... because my answer was sorta coming from a place of "if the INFJ is pissed that you didn't heed their advice - that will be obvious to you" (not obvious = not pissed.) Grandmother, mother, sister, ex <-these four occasionally cause me to forget that many NFJs value harmony all the time and not just when they themselves are in a harmonious mood... and will not readily express their blinding rage discontent.

Honestly, with how much concern and thoughtfulness goes into these kinds of things prior to you guys putting forth suggestions for improvement/advice...I would be obviously, externally pissed if someone didn't at least try my idea but rather continued to complain? omg. I'm so glad I don't focus on problems at all. Mine or anybody else's

disclaimer: while everything I say above is 100% true...I'm purposely being weird haha (I'm in total control of my weirdness at all times.) I really appreciate the response.

 

[olivetti]

Okay, that was really stupid of me haha... because my answer was sorta coming from a place of "if the INFJ is pissed that you didn't heed their advice - that will be obvious to you" (not obvious = not pissed.) Grandmother, mother, sister, ex <-these four occasionally cause me to forget that many NFJs value harmony all the time and not just when they themselves are in a harmonious mood... and will not readily express their blinding rage discontent.

Honestly, with how much concern and thoughtfulness goes into these kinds of things prior to you guys putting forth suggestions for improvement/advice...I would be obviously, externally pissed if someone didn't at least try my idea but rather continued to complain? omg. I'm so glad I don't focus on problems at all. Mine or anybody else's

disclaimer: while everything I say above is 100% true...I'm purposely being weird haha (I'm in total control of my weirdness at all times.) I really appreciate the response.

No worries! It's all good. I think for me, I try to keep my anger under wraps for a while, because I start making a lot of assumptions about why the person might or might not have taken my advice. I don't get mad unless I really think someone did it on purpose. But if someone kept complaining on and on after they have some advice on how to change? I'll start asking why they decided not to take the advice. Eventually I'll tune them out, if I don't think they're listening to me.

 

[Shells_Bells]

I have never seen that.

If it's out there, though; it might have to do with that there's some bullshit ranting and raving against Fe in general. Wouldn't be surprised if INFJs were a consequential casualty, but I can't see them being the main target.

I have actually seen that sort of behavior in groups, which prompted me to do a google search on that particular topic..

In that certain situation it had taken me awhile to realize exactly what was going on with these people, although it was obvious BS (as you stated)..It was more than just the average bullying, they were very proud self proclaimed narcissists and borderlines. Even so, the reason still eludes me as to what precisely it is about our personality type that puts us smack into their cross hairs, and what fuels these type of people to be hell bent on destroying the ones that they target.

Is it just about looking for a scapegoat (in their situation)? Finding someone to fuel their supply or feed their energy source? Or just an easier target, taking advantage of our natural humanitarian natures...? Who knows, lol...

 

[the state i am in]

when the e side of anything takes control over the shared reality in a way that is suffocating, demanding, or frustrating for the i side of that function, it's fucking annoying.

things i don't like:
Ne only definitions of creativity (especially with respect to being stuck in only one perspective or demanding that we must assume a random and chaotic universe is more real than an ordered one, when the randomness is the imposition of temporal perspective)
Te logistics over accurate descriptions breeding the needed/missing questions (like woooah, just bc you started making something faster than everyone else doesn't mean you should get to control this entire process!!!)

Fe can have that imposition of attitude without actually inquiring further, at times moralizing it, and that absence of real curiosity definitely warrants frustration. i feel like i should get friends nerf footballs to throw to/at me just in case. usually tho, a simple "wait--hear me," does the trick. easier with women friends than men friends. i value that extra feedback too, bc that way of being doesn't actually contribute to something really valuable very often unless i'm in a pretty focused place where i can pay attention to my own needs and give what i can in a less ego-centric, personality driven way.

 

[draon9]

INFJ is a rare type, the rarest of all, so chances are there are some people that just don't understand them. They're mysterious and to an extent and appear closed off or secretive, or way too idealistic at their WORST, but that is absolutely no reason to hate them. Some people are close minded idiots and can't see past any potential negatives - INFJs are often intelligent, caring, artistic, and truly interesting to get to know. Not all INFJs are the same, so it's irritating there was a generalization made against all of them.

It is not, there are more infjs than you think

 

[Dyslexxie]

I don't hate INFJs or any other type, but I have found the people I have the worst personality clashes with are most commonly INFJs. I found that especially with the younger types, there's this extreme degree of emotional jerking off where they play off of feelings they might not even truly understand, and try to force these upon others with an air of experience and depth - something they clearly haven't achieved yet. Of course there are many who resist their emotional babble, which the INFJs will take as offense and become passive aggressive and condescending from the basis of their self-verified emotional superiority. Throw my ENTP impatience and intolerance from romanticizing of feelings that don't really exist (or feelings in general) into the mix, and you'll get a dramatic INFJ and a pissed off ENTP.

 

[violet_crown]

INFJs have a particular set of skills that make them especially noxious when they're broken and simultaneously inured to any sort of moderating outside influences.

People like them are the reason mental institutions were invented in the first place.

 

[Forever]

Unhealthy INFJ's can be just as shitty as any other unhealthy type.

/hateover

 

[á´…eparted]

Unhealthy INFJ's can be just as shitty as any other unhealthy type.

/hateover

Shitty has subjectivity though, and in this contacts some things will be more shitty than others. Doesn't change it objectively though.

 

[Forever]

Shitty has subjectivity though, and in this contacts some things will be more shitty than others. Doesn't change it objectively though.

And what's objective about your opinion?

 

[GIjade]

I'm and INFJ and everybody hates me. I don't know why.

 

[violet_crown]

Unhealthy INFJ's can be just as shitty as any other unhealthy type.

/hateover

No, the majority of other people dont try to inflict their diseased beliefs on others in quite the same way. Nor feel so utterly entitled to it.

 

[Forever]

To give an insider's view, I really don't relate to most (although some for sure) problems that these INFJ's had, I mean I see the problems I had growing up were of everyone else as children. (Selfishness, lying, complaining, etc)

I didn't really have grand delusions and I had a tough childhood growing up surrounded by the wrong people. I tried my best to people please and been stepped on.

Nobody seems to clearly give a fuck when I say that those who have mental disorders are outside of the MBTI realm. Seems like no one can take that shit I suppose, someone needs something to blame, damn control, and why not the minority? Oh visions? <- Let's put all the schizophrenics as INFJ's BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. WE'RE ALL PART OF THE HUMAN RACE. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

I'm done. Out of this thread. All can speak your hate. I mean you're allowed to anyway.

 

[Zen_alpha]

INFJs indeed share a very unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – INFJs will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to INFJs, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

INFJs find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact. It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extroverted types, but they would all do well to remember that INFJs need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. INFJs take great care of other’s feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned – sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days.

I don't hate or like them. I just don't believe on anything like this description.

Taken from this site

I do agree with what Jung said in one of his books (I forgot it's name), he was talking about the shadow of self. In meaning, "When a person think that he is the angel, but it turned out that he was the devil".

For example

To give an insider's view, I really don't relate to most (although some for sure) problems that these INFJ's had, I mean I see the problems I had growing up were of everyone else as children. (Selfishness, lying, complaining, etc)

I didn't really have grand delusions and I had a tough childhood growing up surrounded by the wrong people. I tried my best to people please and been stepped on.

Nobody seems to clearly give a fuck when I say that those who have mental disorders are outside of the MBTI realm. Seems like no one can take that shit I suppose, someone needs something to blame, damn control, and why not the minority? Oh visions? <- Let's put all the schizophrenics as INFJ's BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. WE'RE ALL PART OF THE HUMAN RACE. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

I'm done. Out of this thread. All can speak your hate. I mean you're allowed to anyway.

This is a natural human reaction. Something I can agree with.

 

[violet_crown]

I do agree with what Jung said in one of his books (I forgot it's name), he was talking about the shadow of self. In meaning, "When a person think that he is the angel, but it turned out that he was the devil".

I think this is a great point and one that occurred to me after I had made my post. Great lights cast great shadows. And I think that the issue I've encountered with INFJs is their focus on the "light" can blind them to their own darkness.

Forever's response is kind of a case in point. Everyone's got issues that they have to work through and shit about them that's not perfect. If you can't be real about those things, you'll never grow. Turning around and saying, "Well, other people aren't perfect either." is utterly besides the point. That's the part that frustrates me most about INFJs. They're supposed to have these "profound insights" into the inner lives of others, but most of them don't even seem to see themselves properly.

I think that if most of the INFJs I've known could have owned their shit a bit better, then they would have had a better chance at actualizing a real potential for greatness that some of them possess. I've always admired [MENTION=9273]Vasilisa[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] for their incredible self-awareness. They don't preach at people like a lot of NFJs that I've dealt with have, and they don't shame, guilt or reject people for not falling in with what they believe. They're real about their experiences and how those experiences have informed the values and ideals that they have, and are the kind of people that just being around them makes you want to be better.

 

[Forever]

I think this is a great point and one that occurred to me after I had made my post. Great lights cast great shadows. And I think that the issue I've encountered with INFJs is their focus on the "light" can blind them to their own darkness.

Forever's response is kind of a case in point. Everyone's got issues that they have to work through and shit about them that's not perfect. If you can't be real about those things, you'll never grow. Turning around and saying, "Well, other people aren't perfect either." is utterly besides the point. That's the part that frustrates me most about INFJs. They're supposed to have these "profound insights" into the inner lives of others, but most of them don't even seem to see themselves properly.

I think that if most of the INFJs I've known could have owned their shit a bit better, then they would have had a better chance at actualizing a real potential for greatness that some of them possess. I've always admired [MENTION=9273]Vasilisa[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] for their incredible self-awareness. They don't preach at people like a lot of NFJs that I've dealt with have, and they don't shame, guilt or reject people for not falling in with what they believe. They're real about their experiences and how those experiences have informed the values and ideals that they have, and are the kind of people that just being around them makes you want to be better.

I think you don't understand, saying one type is worse than everybody else is entirely bogus. It's like an -ism is what you pointed out that made me lose my shit. Yeah I know I have mistakes and problems of my own I need to work out and hell, I believe I adapted to other types A LOT more because I understand we as a minority need to work with the majority to get to places. Stop trying to attack me like you know what I meant. Blaming others so I can get away from my own was not what I meant. So please. Continue to tell how fucked up we are, but don't let it get personal.

Don't you have Ni in YOUR stack too? It seems like you're only hurting yourself. You make no mention of your type as an ENTJ? Stop acting like you know better and transcended of your mistakes either. Te can be a big fucker as well. Inferior Te can shove shit down your throat. Too much extraversion without your "crazy" Ni to balance it is just as diseased, friend.

LAST THING: what would be my "appropriate" response to your attack or -isms?

"Oh yeah of course wind up Rex, I know I am so messed up in the head by birth and only you can correct it for me by your ever so wise guidance. I will continue to be inferior until I die or have been approved by your opinion because you obviously know what's true. Your Ni in aux makes you so not twisted as me."

 

[Virtual ghost]

I haven't noticed that INFJs are particulary hated for what they are.

 

[GIjade]

I think this is a great point and one that occurred to me after I had made my post. Great lights cast great shadows. And I think that the issue I've encountered with INFJs is their focus on the "light" can blind them to their own darkness.

Forever's response is kind of a case in point. Everyone's got issues that they have to work through and shit about them that's not perfect. If you can't be real about those things, you'll never grow. Turning around and saying, "Well, other people aren't perfect either." is utterly besides the point. That's the part that frustrates me most about INFJs. They're supposed to have these "profound insights" into the inner lives of others, but most of them don't even seem to see themselves properly.

I think that if most of the INFJs I've known could have owned their shit a bit better, then they would have had a better chance at actualizing a real potential for greatness that some of them possess. I've always admired [MENTION=9273]Vasilisa[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] for their incredible self-awareness. They don't preach at people like a lot of NFJs that I've dealt with have, and they don't shame, guilt or reject people for not falling in with what they believe. They're real about their experiences and how those experiences have informed the values and ideals that they have, and are the kind of people that just being around them makes you want to be better.

I'm one of those "INFJ fuck-ups" as you seem to see it, that you are talking about in your post. But make no mistake, whoever you are, I am not blind to my darkness. I know very well about all that I hold inside me. So, yeah, I think in terms of light, but respond with a lot of dark.