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  1. #51
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Oh yeah, that never occurred to me either - others might feel closeness differently than what I might feel it to be. So I guess that would change the answer depending on what aspect of closeness the other person was referring to...

    What do you see it as, @highlander?
    I don't know - I'm just reacting to the point SM made. It surprised me because it seemed like something INFJs would do better than average. For me, I would describe it as depth of intimacy. How do you explain that? Being honest, open, vulnerable, expressing innermost thoughts, expressing deep caring for another person. It's hard to explain. I think it is probably a unique depth of connection between a couple of people.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  2. #52
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    We can be really good at making people feel cared for, and tend towards wanting to please and accommodate in some regards. As far as being open and vulnerable ourselves though...in my experience, that depends more on whether the other person is interested, and in many/most of my relationships and friendships, I think I'm more interested in understanding who the other person is than the other way around. They may feel close, but only because they've shared more with me than they've ever been accustomed to sharing with other people, not because I've poured out my heart and soul to them. So it feels intimate to them, but I don't experience the same level of that feeling. I'm not saying that in a poor me way. It's just that a lot of people who are most likely to be attracted to INFJs are attracted because those are not their strong points. Their strengths lie in other areas. At the same time, as a self-defense mechanism, we like to maintain a lot of control over our own emotional worlds and only offer the edited version, which can be frustrating to NFP types at times (hence SH maybe feeling that we don't let people in at all).

  3. #53
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Default The Close Wrapped Psyche

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    We can be really good at making people feel cared for, and tend towards wanting to please and accommodate in some regards. As far as being open and vulnerable ourselves though...in my experience, that depends more on whether the other person is interested, and in many/most of my relationships and friendships, I think I'm more interested in understanding who the other person is than the other way around. They may feel close, but only because they've shared more with me than they've ever been accustomed to sharing with other people, not because I've poured out my heart and soul to them. So it feels intimate to them, but I don't experience the same level of that feeling. I'm not saying that in a poor me way. It's just that a lot of people who are most likely to be attracted to INFJs are attracted because those are not their strong points. Their strengths lie in other areas. At the same time, as a self-defense mechanism, we like to maintain a lot of control over our own emotional worlds and only offer the edited version, which can be frustrating to NFP types at times (hence SH maybe feeling that we don't let people in at all).
    A close wrapped soul.

    But worse, a close wraped soul manipulating others.

    Emotional intimacy can only be obtained by reciprocity.

    Emotional intimacy is a shared activity, it is turn and turn about, it is shared joy, shared fear, shared perplexity.

    As we become one with our shared emotion, we become one with each other.

    Emotional manipulation is simply creepy.

    Emotional manipulation is a sign something is amiss in the psyche.

    So we close wrap our psyche, at first to protect us, but find we are strangling in the wrapping.

  4. #54
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    - passive aggression
    - Messiah complex
    - covertly control/think they "know what's best for you"
    - collectivist
    - out of touch with reality
    Hey, what's wrong with being a collectivist? And what if we really do know what's best for you? And quantum physics shows that reality is relative to the observer!

  5. #55
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    we don't
    we fukin won boys

  6. #56
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I don't know - I'm just reacting to the point SM made. It surprised me because it seemed like something INFJs would do better than average. For me, I would describe it as depth of intimacy. How do you explain that? Being honest, open, vulnerable, expressing innermost thoughts, expressing deep caring for another person. It's hard to explain. I think it is probably a unique depth of connection between a couple of people.
    I wouldn't read too much into @SilentMusings' point. If his forum persona is anything to go by, I don't think INFJs will be the only ones he'll be pissed off at for refusing to get close in a relationship. Just my opinion.

    However, to answer your question, no, I don't think INFJs would do better than average at being close in relationships. It might not be that we refuse to get close, but, much like @fidelia said, we tend to keep a tight rein on our own emotions. In order to avoid conflict, we might be less than honest, open, or vulnerable.
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

  7. #57
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I don't know - I'm just reacting to the point SM made. It surprised me because it seemed like something INFJs would do better than average. For me, I would describe it as depth of intimacy. How do you explain that? Being honest, open, vulnerable, expressing innermost thoughts, expressing deep caring for another person. It's hard to explain. I think it is probably a unique depth of connection between a couple of people.
    In light of those descriptions, I don't know about others, but this INFJ is more than willing to get close to another in a relationship, especially the INTJ in my life. He, along with a male ISTP and an ISTJ, are my closest friends. I do have one ENFJ and one INFP that I also share a lot with, but not as much. Still, because he is an INTJ and has the same dominant function, he seems to understand the need for space and autonomy. We share that value. I don't pry. He doesn't either. Yet, we share intimate details of our lives. He says we are close. We spend a lot of time talking, him telling me about his ideas, me helping him refine them. We discuss theories, too. I would say our relationship is a meeting of minds but it is very satisfying for both of us.

    I have a theory that we are as much alike as we are different. If both the INFJ and the INTJ have a balanced perception of self and of each other, there is no reason why it can't be a mutually rewarding relationship.

    I can't imagine a lack of closeness under these descriptors among these two types.

    I do know that what makes one person feel close may not make the other feel that way. I feel close to my INTJ friend because we share our deepest ideas, inside jokes and ways of looking at the world.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  8. #58
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think I value closeness over fear of conflict, but I'm gonna make sure the relationship can handle the weight of my authentic self, including the less pleasant emotions before I put myself out there completely. Again, it's not a conscious decision, so much as a feeling of safety thing. The more important the relationship is to me, the more careful I'm going to be.

  9. #59
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    INFJs hardly have a monopoly on being hated, or having some hypothetical popular hatred discussed online:

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ate-intjs.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...intj-tell.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...rs-thread.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...iscussion.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...te-thread.html

    Why I Hate 5w4s!

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...istp-tell.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...idea-infp.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...enfp-tell.html

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ates-entj.html

    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    And quantum physics shows that reality is relative to the observer!
    It shows no such thing. It shows simply that reality is more complex than classical mechanics is able to describe. The limitation is with us. See this article for a decent if brief discussion.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
    Likes MDP2525 liked this post

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