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  1. #11
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    This is good:
    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    For the most part I am consciously oblivious to power dynamics. Unconsciously, I simply follow my gut as far as shaping myself into someone who cannot be condescended or spoken down to.
    This is not:
    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    Regardless, the only way I've recently been able to cope is to just overpower everyone by telling them that I'm friends with every regional manager and just call people out on their bullshit whenever it happens.

    ...
    I'm just a fuckin bawss. Apparently I walk like a marine and when I talk to someone its really abrupt.

    ...
    I get the insecure boyfriend treatment as well. Usually what ends up happening is I hit on the girl and make her attracted to me to the point that she loses all interest in him, and then I ignore her after they break up. lolol
    Why would you hit on a girl who is already in a relationship?

    Some 'Fe' tips:
    a) Don't intentionally make someone look bad in front of other people. Imagine if the same happens to you, e.g. your colleague suddenly mentions a mistake you made in front of your boss or the whole group. How would you feel?
    b) Respect people's boundaries. Don't interrupt conversations that you have no place in. For example, if the regional managers are talking about 'regional issues', it's just bad manners to push in uninivited and demand to be heard. If you want to raise something, ask them before bringing it up, e.g. "I was thinking about XYZ and wonder if you could hear me out..."
    c) Don't brag about how good you are. True skills do get noticed. Humbleness goes a long way.
    d) Give due credit to people, e.g. "I was discussing this with XYZ the other day and we came up with an idea..."
    e) Show appreciation if someone helps you.
    f) Be genuinely helpful.
    g) Try to anticipate what people want from interactions. Talk less and listen more. See what happens.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  2. #12
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzy Conduit View Post
    I used to worry about showing off too much or being disliked by others when I was more awesome than them in any way.

    No more. I'll be polite but I'm not going to check myself because some other guy is butthurt that his girlfriend was checking me out.

    I used to walk around with my head down to avoid intimidating people. I've found that when I walk around with a bit of a swagger and my head up and make an effort to make eye contact with everyone, I do better at work and in social life.

    The other day, I was outside smoking a cigarette with the CEO and an engineer when I should've been inside working. Instead of scurrying off like a timid child, I started talking to the CEO and using some business lingo, talking about revenue, marketing etc., asking him questions and shit, and next thing I knew he was grinning, patting me on the back, speaking to me like an equal and not some idiot subordinate (which is kind of how he usually looks at people). No surprise that now I am a candidate for a position which pays more than double what I currently earn, despite the fact I have little experience and no degree. Oh, not to mention I was kind of a dick because the engineer had been talking to him first and I pretty much inserted myself into the conversation. Obviously the CEO was the alpha in this scenario, but I pretty much knocked the engineer out of second place.

    My answer to you is to stop worrying about trying to Fe and keep doing what you're doing. You're always going to run into people who will be intimidated, and they may try to take you out or get you fired, but haters gonna hate.
    This.
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    I was recently confronted with this video.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lclu-BQOybU

    So as an ESTP I'm pretty much a bawss. So bawss, in fact, that I'm actually too bawss and completely oblivious to how bawss I actually am. I used to do pretty much everything the black dude in that video does, but this has caused a lot of problems in my life and I've been trying to figure out how to fix them.

    I can't hold a steady job because of this. Its a problem. Bosses hate me.

    For example, I walk into a group being genuine, interesting and attractive as fuck because that's who I am, and then as a result everyone is treating me like shit and my feelings get hurt and I walk away head hung low and go home and cry.

    I have become a gymnast and a martial artist so that I will have a body sculpted to perfection and be the center of attention at parties when I'm doing keg stands and back flips. YAY EVERYONE LOVES ME.

    As a result I'm often pushed out of groups for being a threat to them. For the most part I am consciously oblivious to power dynamics. Unconsciously, I simply follow my gut as far as shaping myself into someone who cannot be condescended or spoken down to. This often tends to make me stand out like crazy.

    My question is, other than forming my own groups, how am I to assimilate into pre-existing groups? I tend to have 1 friend from every clique. Even on these typology websites I am trolled by alpha males/females who want to convince everyone to hate me so that I am outcast from the group and not respected.

    Do I have any Fe types who can explain things to me?

    Hwo to fe?n plz hlep
    Here is Fe 101 (on the subject of Good listening): Tuning In: How to Listen Better - WSJ

    Here is Fe 102 (on the subject of Mirroring): I'm considering in investing in cosmetic surgery...

    Fe 103: Read up on Empathy.

    These three skills (Good listening, Mirroring, and Empathy) are simple Fe skills that can be practiced and learned by Thinkers (just as Feelers can practice and learn logical analysis). Note the first link, which talks about seminars and courses to teach "good listening" skills to executives in the business world; it has financial pay-offs:

    Employees who don't believe their bosses are listening to them are less likely to offer helpful suggestions and new ideas, says a 2007 study of 3,372 workers in Academy of Management Journal. They're also more likely to become emotionally exhausted and quit, according to another study, published recently in the Journal of Business Ethics.
    As an alpha male, you'll probably find these Fe skills wimpy and kind of repulsive. Or you may even think you're excellent at them (when in fact you're probably not good at them at all). But the bottom line is that if you don't use them on a regular basis, you can find yourself isolated and unable to connect with the people around you. If you only look at your relations with people in terms of power politics and rarely exhibit empathy and mirroring, people won't trust you; they'll find reason to question the motives of everything you do.

    Just for a parallel situation as an example: Imagine a Feeler who refused to use logic, finding it brutal and repulsive. Soon he would find himself isolated; his friends and co-workers would learn that they couldn't trust the shifting sands of his emotions; he would be seen as a diva and a drama queen and people would avoid him beyond purely superficial interactions.

    What I'm trying to say is this: Fe skills aren't automatically better or worse than any other skills. But a *lack* of these skills can leave a Thinker isolated and disconnected from the world just as a *lack* of logic can leave a Feeler isolated and mistrusted by the people around him.

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    Awesome man. I don't really have a swagger. I'm just a fuckin bawss. Apparently I walk like a marine and when I talk to someone its really abrupt. I'm just kinda tired of getting fired over this crap. I have an awful resume of job hopping and I had to start my own business as a result. Its not successful quite yet, but its buying me time to figure myself out and find a way to work and not get fired.

    Basically all I want in life is to fuck my wife and get a paycheck. People make this exceedingly difficult for me to do, and yeah, I get the insecure boyfriend treatment as well. Usually what ends up happening is I hit on the girl and make her attracted to me to the point that she loses all interest in him, and then I ignore her after they break up. lolol



    not really. Nothing stresses me out physically. I do everything I can to not feel any discomfort or pain in my daily life, so if something is stressing me out I just kinda analyze if its something within my power to control. If it isn't, I stop trying. If it is, I do what is within my power.
    In your case, being an ESTP 8, that alpha shit comes more naturally for you. I still have to work at it a bit. The things that video mentioned which I'm best at are keeping calm under pressure and stepping back and biding my time the way the black dude did while the bald guy was berating everyone else. My 9 type will then lead me to try to dominate a situation by trying to pacify everyone to keep the peace.
    Masculine presenting transgender lesbian


    At heart, I’ll always be a bleeding heart liberal.

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