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  1. #1
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Default Te / Fi types: define passive aggressive behaviour

    I've noticed for some time a pattern that I think merits exploration - I'm wondering if there's a loose correlation between type and what each type grouping sees as passive aggressive behaviour.

    The definitions of passive-aggressiveness are being deliberately left out here. First, because there is a lot of variation between definitions. Second, because a lot of folks seem to have their own definition, and that's the part that might be revealing.

    Here's what to do:

    1.) please share your definition of passive-aggressiveness.

    2.) please share an example or two of what you see as passive-aggressive behaviour. Anecdotes are welcome.
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  2. #2
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Saying/doing something without outright saying/doing it. That is what I view as passive-aggressiveness. Often times, a person chooses to use a detour to give similar feelings as the aggressive behavior. Since that topic talked about attacking the idea versus attacking the person, one can say that attacking the idea is like a passive-aggressive form of attacking the person, although most accept that attacking an idea is better than attacking a person and it allows for a discussion to continue without name-calling. It all depends on how you are doing it...

    If one is to say:
    "You are stupid" that is outright aggressiveness behavior.
    "That idea is stupid" it is passive-aggressiveness that is dutifully trying to mimic aggressive behavior.
    "That idea is incorrect because......" may seem like passive-aggressiveness (we have people who take issue with having their ideas challenged) but this is generally the accepted form.

    But like I said, passive-aggressive behavior is generally a detour around aggressive behavior. Not all passive-aggressive are bad, however.

    Somewhat off-topic: Politics is a fun place, I still don't see why the mods won't break politics from history and current events, lol. Lots of the posts that are politics related tend to borderline into the passive-aggressive behavior. Some members (<----- see the passive-aggressive behavior here) like to send some type of message in an indirect way (also passive-aggressiveness.) You can see their views pretty clearly (I don't exclude myself from doing this,) and it tends to ignite a negative reaction on its readers.

  3. #3
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Having a strong negative feeling as a result of the behaviors of someone else and - instead of discussing the behaviors and the actual feelings - you lash out in other more subtle ways.

    Hm... can't think of a good example. Oh if one person is annoyed that the other person doesn't do dishes (like if they live together). Instead of talking about the dish situation, the first person does something like putting all of the dirty dishes into the second person's bedroom. That seems pretty passive aggressive to me.
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  4. #4
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I have also seen it happen in a purely social context... with words only... that is harder to pin down and I definitely can't think of any examples for that.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  5. #5
    Senior Member lue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Hm... can't think of a good example. Oh if one person is annoyed that the other person doesn't do dishes (like if they live together). Instead of talking about the dish situation, the first person does something like putting all of the dirty dishes into the second person's bedroom. That seems pretty passive aggressive to me.
    That's a good one.

    I also think there's a difference between being a smart a** and being passive aggressive. I could be wrong. If person A is in a conversation with person B, and person A doesn't like what person B says, and responds with a smart a** comment (which is on the topic they're already discussing), I don't think that's passive aggressive. I think that's being a smart a**.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    The wiki says
    Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    The wiki says
    Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.
    Exactly. If I do something you don't like, and you don't call me directly on it but rather drop "hints" somehow that I am supposed to interpret, that's passive-aggressive. It leads me to conclude (perhaps incorrectly) that you don't have the courage to tackle the problem head-on. A direct approach can be kind, sarcastic, angry, whatever; the key is the directness. You tell me to my face exactly what the issue is, and how it is causing a problem (and ideally, what you would like me to do about it).
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  8. #8
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    so many te/fi people i've encounter on here claim not be passive agressive yet they come across as very much so. it's funny. I know I can be passive agressive. but it's like they're blind to it.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rail Tracer View Post
    Saying/doing something without outright saying/doing it. That is what I view as passive-aggressiveness. Often times, a person chooses to use a detour to give similar feelings as the aggressive behavior. Since that topic talked about attacking the idea versus attacking the person, one can say that attacking the idea is like a passive-aggressive form of attacking the person, although most accept that attacking an idea is better than attacking a person and it allows for a discussion to continue without name-calling. It all depends on how you are doing it...

    If one is to say:
    "You are stupid" that is outright aggressiveness behavior.
    "That idea is stupid" it is passive-aggressiveness that is dutifully trying to mimic aggressive behavior.
    "That idea is incorrect because......" may seem like passive-aggressiveness (we have people who take issue with having their ideas challenged) but this is generally the accepted form.

    But like I said, passive-aggressive behavior is generally a detour around aggressive behavior. Not all passive-aggressive are bad, however.
    What's passive-aggressive about saying "That idea is stupid" and how is it trying to mimic aggressive behaviour in your opinion?!

    Do you really think that if someone says some idea that's not really good for whatever reason then you must be angry with the person and attack the person for it? Seriously?

    Because, you calling this above passive-aggressive sounds like you assume everyone works this way: X says something crappy, Y gets angry with the person themselves instead of just wanting to shoot down the idea itself - yet only dares to attempt to attack the idea instead of the person.

    No, I will break the news to you now, not everyone works in this way. Some people actually just focus on the idea and not the person who said it. I'm like this myself.

    I will give this one thing to you, it's usually really offensive to call the bad idea stupid and yes in that sense it's an aggressive way of putting one's opinion.

    PS: Some people are actually stupid too yeah, but I don't see a need to get angry over that, it's just how they are, as long as they don't get in my way I'm all cool.

  10. #10
    Supreme High Commander Andy's Avatar
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    Passive-aggressive is when I hire a thug to administer a beating for me.
    Don't make whine out of sour grapes.

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