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  1. #31
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    I've always thought of "passive-aggression" as trying to have your cake and eat it too - instead of confronting someone directly, you find a way of doing so that a. gets your message across, but b. absolves you of having to actually enter into a confrontation and defend yourself. It's controlling and disrespectful to the other party, and speaks volumes toward your own lack of resolve.
    Hello

  2. #32
    Musician Forever's Avatar
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    Is this any way different than a passive aggressive Fe/Ti user?

    I rest my case.

  3. #33
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Honestly ? I don't really know, because I don't get into that kind of situations.

    Scenarios:

    1. I am often so far from people that I have no contact with such behaviour.
    2. We just have a normal conversation that is plesant.
    3. If the person is going against me in something I consider important I turn that into an open conflict where there is not room for passive-agressive behaviour.


    Therefore I have hard time to tell.

  4. #34
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    I've always thought of "passive-aggression" as trying to have your cake and eat it too - instead of confronting someone directly, you find a way of doing so that a. gets your message across, but b. absolves you of having to actually enter into a confrontation and defend yourself. It's controlling and disrespectful to the other party, and speaks volumes toward your own lack of resolve.
    That's different from the 'plausible deniability' thing that @Ivy pointed to, right? Dropping a bunch of dishes, as was suggested as an example on the first page, in someone's bedroom is hardly deniable

    Personally, I use this method when direct confrontation has repeatedly failed in the other person' wanting to resolve things or history has taught me that me expressing grievances with this person has no effect, because they could care less.

    Then I'll gladly make my point using this as a prop. Actions, including ignoring someone's repeated pleas, do have consequences, and it can be an amazingly effective tool to actually get people to respond properly, without even realising it as they're often the kind of people who don't respond to other people's wishes, but to their own welfare, comfort and survival. Adjusting the environment, so they benefit directly from giving whatever they were bugging you with a rest, works brilliantly. As does taking away the reward they get from performing that behaviour by actually making the process that inefficient that it loses its appeal - like dragging your feet on something they're non-stop trying to force you to do (and refuse to take a 'no' on), or flat-out making it a pain in the ass to each time go through with you.

    Cognitive science, ftw
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  5. #35
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I think passive-aggressiveness lies in 95% of the cases only in the eyes of the receiver not so much the allegiated sender.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #36
    Senior Member D'Ascoyne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I think passive-aggressiveness lies in 95% of the cases only in the eyes of the receiver not so much the allegiated sender.
    An interesting thought. But the thing about passive-aggressive behaviour is that it is designed to be deflective. That's the passive part.

  7. #37
    Senior Member Frosty's Avatar
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    I really just see passive aggression as cowardice. I mean, I am passive aggressive at times-and maybe one of the reasons I have such a problem with it is that I can recognize that tendency for sarcasm and snark and cynicism in myself... And to see it just thrown about as a 'tool' as a weapon intentionally, it just is something that sits wrong with me.

    The most noticeable form of passive aggression-the most irritating to me... Is this sort of avoidance shit-this sort of I want to say this to you but I want to mitigate the risk to myself... So I am going to try to win both ways and say this in a potentially 'arguably joking' manner, so that if you try to claim that I am being serious or malicious I can turn it back around on you. And then you CANT argue-you CANT have a say... Without everything being under this sort of glaze of doubt. And I mean, really my radar from that stuff is sensitive-and my defense is blunt generally and harsh and direct. And I refuse to change that-at that point I am just sort of expecting things to deteriorate... But really, I just cannot let that stuff go if I see it. Fucking power plays. Just awful.

    Just say what you need to say. Really I am under the belief that you can find a way to say most anything to anyone in a half decent manner-always pleasant... No... But decent, hopefully, hopefully as decently as possible. Why be more of a dick about anything than you have to be-that is what passive aggression is to me- using a situation-going and doing something that is beyond necessary for a situation, because it will somehow benefit you-it will somehow 'get' whatever it is you are looking for from the other person.

    I mean I just think it is nasty and manipulative and cowardly-and really truthfully, it is one of the most appauling things a person can be/do.

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