ISTP/ENFP realtionship?

[labyrinth_perhaps]

Hi, I've been talking to this guy for about 5 months now and some how we got into discussion about MBTI. Which isn't that surprising because he goes to my school, and I'm doing a huge project/study there about it. He told me he was a ISTP which made perfect sense, or maybe I'd like to believe it because ISTPs are all mysterious and seem like your stereotypical bad ass (obviously not exactly, i'm joking) But all of our conversations consist of jokes, and me talking a lot, and him listening to my rants. I thought he was getting pretty annoyed, I would be getting annoyed by myself. But he always texts me asking for advice, He'll state the problem and wait for my response and then respond with something like "that was really good, I like that, I'll have to try that" In response to my 5 page essay about the topic of advice.... which makes me feel really awkward He loves hiking, and so do I. We often just take walks in the woods and just goof around. We joke A LOT. I mean I'm a pretty humorous person, but I do like seriousness sometimes. His aesthetics are "damn fine" but I thought I was really out of his league and in the friend zone, so I never really assumed he had an interest in me considering a lot of my friends are guys. And we both act like were 10 year old boys around each other. But to my dismay apparently he does have a liking to me SWEET. I've only been in one relationship for 6 months with another guy ENFP and that was terrible, and dramatic. I'm not clingy, only in the moment i'm with them. He often gets mad because I don't reply to his little mundane texts because I see no interest in that topic. But i'll reply to a lot of the interesting ones haha.

I don't know, any thoughts/opinions upon ISTPS and ENFPS dating?

 

[Zarathustra]

It seems to happen often when the ENFPs (females, for the most part) are in their late teens and early 20s (and maybe extending into their mid 20s). ENFPs tend to like the withdrawn, emotionally inert quality of ITs, and ISTPs definitely fit that bill. They've also got the "bad ass" thing you mentioned going (due to Se), and they are Ps, and so don't take life too seriously, and are kinda always down to fuck around. And these qualities tend to appeal to girls around that age range (let's call these the "bad boy" years). Eventually, tho, most ENFPs seem to kind of outgrow ISTPs. While ISTPs' "Peter Pan" quality -- the perpetual boy, who will never grow up -- is appealing and fun for younger ENFPs, as ENFPs get older, start having to deal with the real world (i.e., adult life), and start developing their inferior functions (Si and Te), the perpetual boy qualities start seeming less attractive, and more irresponsible, childish, and just unsuited to a mature, adult life, and especially to the ENFP's subconscious desire for stability and structure (SiTe). At this point, ENFPs will usually switch over to dating ITJs, who tend to better provide that stability and structure, and also share the FiTe judging axis, which allows for a certain kind of emotional depth (Fi) in the two partners' connection that seems to be lacking in the ENFP-ISTP relationship (ISTPs don't really use Fi -- it's their 8th and most neglected function -- and most NFPs, after enough time, find this lack of Fi connection troubling, like there's something missing there, and something that matters to them, some lack of deep, authentic emotional connection [to be fair, though, the cost of that deep, authentic Fi-based emotional connection with ITJs is that the relationship will tend to be more emotionally volatile, as each party will have a tendency towards selfishness and wanting things their own way {Fe simply tends to be more pragmatic in this regard (but learning to compromise is possible, and is a sign of maturity, for Fi users [and ISTPs aren't exactly the best Fe users in the world, either, so not only will the Fi connection be lacking, but their Fe might largely suck as well)}]).

My sources for this info are having dated a lot of ENFPs who have this very specific and oddly familiar dating history (and similar feelings about it), as well knowing other ENFPs on here whose relationship histories also share a very similar pattern.

You're at the age where dating an ISTP makes total sense, so I certainly wouldn't dissuade you from it. Pretty much every ENFP I know who has done so, around your age, enjoyed the experience, and, because of it, came to realize that it's not really what they're looking for in the long run. And that's an important thing to learn. And something best learned by experiencing it.

 

[badger055]

Usually makes for an exciting relationship. Good banter and stuff. Probably going to be drama filled. I see a lot of istps who like enfps. We do operate on 2 separate wavelengths though. The enfps emotional perception of things just goes over my head. If you are looking to connect on an emotional level look for the innocent kid like emotions. If you think there is anything deeper than that you are going to have a bad time. If you want marriage and babies and someone to do your taxes istjs are over there ->.

 

[animenagai]

Male ISTP's and female ENFP's seem to be a popular mix. As a male ENFP, I can't really say I understand it though. An ISTP's view of morality, particularly, is deeply troubling for me. I've taught ethics, the standard ISTP approach to whether something is right or wrong is either "there is no such thing", "it's just a hat you can swap and change", "who cares what the justification is, as long as it matters to you". All of which can be hard for the Fi user to accept. This is especially unnerving when you realise that they do in fact have certain deeply held, but controversial beliefs that they refuse to justify. One ISTP once told me that we should just cull all the senile elderly people and mentally retarded -- because they weren't contributing to society. When I asked him why contributing to society is the be all end all for moral status, he couldn't give me an answer. Another ISTP friend of mine hates movies like Avatar because he almost religiously believes that that mankind should have dominion over everything else. When I compared his views to racism and asked him to justify the differences, he said "why do we need to justify something if we already know it's correct?".

The thing is, I really don't think this is uncommon for ISTP's. A complete suppression of Fi, Se-Ni over Ne-Si modelling, being Fe inferior... I think these beliefs are backed up by their stacking of functions.

Look, I'm not trying to pick any fights, nor am I saying that the OP shouldn't date him, but I would never be able to go through with it.

 

[Amargith]

^ It depends on the ISTP though. I find that those that do take an interest in you and show your respect due to that interest are open to learning. The benefit and doom of this pairing lies in its alien feel for one another aka, the TiSe vs NeFi difference. While it can be incredibly hard to find common ground or even communicate and know you re on the same page, there is also a certain...humility and submission to the other's faculties - knowing that they *know* what you don't. Again, provided there is a mutually shared respect and interest. The open-mindedness and willingness to learn that stems from this - even though their focus will never be ours and vice versa, can be incredibly satisfying and resolve the concern you might have regarding their morality as they'll hand that shit to you to deal with (and vice versa), as they trust your judgement in the matter.

I find it way easier to communicate with NTPs for that very reason (shared Ne), yet ultimately way harder to respect the way we approach life due to processing the same information for ultimately different nuances - leaving you with a tug 'o war situation.

 

[Zarathustra]

Male ISTP's and female ENFP's seem to be a popular mix. As a male ENFP, I can't really say I understand it though. An ISTP's view of morality, particularly, is deeply troubling for me. I've taught ethics, the standard ISTP approach to whether something is right or wrong is either "there is no such thing", "it's just a hat you can swap and change", "who cares what the justification is, as long as it matters to you". All of which can be hard for the Fi user to accept. This is especially unnerving when you realise that they do in fact have certain deeply held, but controversial beliefs that they refuse to justify. One ISTP once told me that we should just cull all the senile elderly people and mentally retarded -- because they weren't contributing to society. When I asked him why contributing to society is the be all end all for moral status, he couldn't give me an answer. Another ISTP friend of mine hates movies like Avatar because he almost religiously believes that that mankind should have dominion over everything else. When I compared his views to racism and asked him to justify the differences, he said "why do we need to justify something if we already know it's correct?".

The thing is, I really don't think this is uncommon for ISTP's. A complete suppression of Fi, Se-Ni over Ne-Si modelling, being Fe inferior... I think these beliefs are backed up by their stacking of functions.

Look, I'm not trying to pick any fights, nor am I saying that the OP shouldn't date him, but I would never be able to go through with it.

That may all be true, dude...

But haven't you ever heard?

"Girls just wanna have fun"

 

[animenagai]

That may all be true, dude...

But haven't you ever heard?

"Girls just wanna have fun"

You're right. A wise man once said... #yolo

 

[badger055]

Male ISTP's and female ENFP's seem to be a popular mix. As a male ENFP, I can't really say I understand it though. An ISTP's view of morality, particularly, is deeply troubling for me. I've taught ethics, the standard ISTP approach to whether something is right or wrong is either "there is no such thing", "it's just a hat you can swap and change", "who cares what the justification is, as long as it matters to you". All of which can be hard for the Fi user to accept. This is especially unnerving when you realise that they do in fact have certain deeply held, but controversial beliefs that they refuse to justify. One ISTP once told me that we should just cull all the senile elderly people and mentally retarded -- because they weren't contributing to society. When I asked him why contributing to society is the be all end all for moral status, he couldn't give me an answer. Another ISTP friend of mine hates movies like Avatar because he almost religiously believes that that mankind should have dominion over everything else. When I compared his views to racism and asked him to justify the differences, he said "why do we need to justify something if we already know it's correct?".

The thing is, I really don't think this is uncommon for ISTP's. A complete suppression of Fi, Se-Ni over Ne-Si modelling, being Fe inferior... I think these beliefs are backed up by their stacking of functions.

Look, I'm not trying to pick any fights, nor am I saying that the OP shouldn't date him, but I would never be able to go through with it.

We have a realistic darwinistic strongest survives mentality. You can argue about morals and ethics all you want but it doesn't mean shit in the end. If someone comes up to you and puts a gun in your mouth do you think you can stop him by arguing ethics? Armies and nuclear arsenals are what keep the peace. Ethics do nothing. For anyone smart enough ethics are just a facade you show to fool dumb people.

That may all be true, dude...

But haven't you ever heard?

"Girls just wanna have fun"

Oh right because all girls should go for the boring nice guy with no balls said nobody ever.

 

[Zarathustra]

We have a realistic darwinistic strongest survives mentality. You can argue about morals and ethics all you want but it doesn't mean shit in the end. If someone comes up to you and puts a gun in your mouth do you think you can stop him by arguing ethics? Armies and nuclear arsenals are what keep the peace. Ethics do nothing. For anyone smart enough ethics are just a facade you show to fool dumb people.



Oh right because all girls should go for the boring nice guy with no balls said nobody ever.

Well, there's your answer, OP

 

[animenagai]

Yep, I was going to reply, then I realised he just helped to prove my point. There's a million things I want to say in response, but I really just can't be fucked. Life as an ENFP errybody.

 

[badger055]

Well, there's your answer, OP

Hate to break it to you but it doesn't matter what I say. I can say anything and girls will still rationalize that I'm a good guy somehow.

 

[Zarathustra]

Hate to break it to you but it doesn't matter what I say. I can say anything and girls will still rationalize that I'm a good guy somehow.

That's not breaking anything to me.

You could even see Amar doing it above.

I just think it's fucking ridiculous.

 

[Amargith]

That's not breaking anything to me.

You could even see Amar doing it above.

I just think it's fucking ridiculous.

Amar might just know something you two don't.

But then Amar isn't about to waste her breath or energy trying to convince either one of you considering the tendency of both of you to always *know* you're right anyways.





Please leave me out of this next time.

 

[Zarathustra]

Amar might just know something you two don't.

I'm willing to listen.

I doubt it will override what I'm saying, but I will listen.

But then Amar isn't about to waste her breath or energy trying to convince either one of you considering the tendency of both of you to always *know* you're right anyways.

Well, Amar, let's be real: at least with me, it usually *actually* is the case.

Please leave me out of this next time.

Oh, I'd wanted to say something about it before.

Some beings seem like assholes, but in reality aren't.

Others seem like assholes, and really are just assholes.

ISTPs tend to fit in the latter category, and by a large margin.

I know a few ok ones, but they're usually just shitty, amoral people.

Hell, even the "good" ones I know have very flimsy and questionable integrity.

*something about gammas thinking deltas are too forgiving of some people*

[MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION]

 

[animenagai]

Man this thread turned sour quickly.

<- Culprit

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

haha, thank you guys I'll answer you all later with some comments/questions.

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

P.S hung out with him before class yesterday and he's really better at kissing than talking...so0o0o0o

 

[animenagai]

P.S hung out with him before class yesterday and he's really better at kissing than talking...so0o0o0o

lol I'm glad our advice came in handy

 

[Cimarron]

P.S hung out with him before class yesterday and he's really better at kissing than talking...so0o0o0o

That's SPs for you. (kidding)

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

It seems to happen often when the ENFPs (females, for the most part) are in their late teens and early 20s (and maybe extending into their mid 20s). ENFPs tend to like the withdrawn, emotionally inert quality of ITs, and ISTPs definitely fit that bill. They've also got the "bad ass" thing you mentioned going (due to Se), and they are Ps, and so don't take life too seriously, and are kinda always down to fuck around. And these qualities tend to appeal to girls around that age range (let's call these the "bad boy" years). Eventually, tho, most ENFPs seem to kind of outgrow ISTPs. While ISTPs' "Peter Pan" quality -- the perpetual boy, who will never grow up -- is appealing and fun for younger ENFPs, as ENFPs get older, start having to deal with the real world (i.e., adult life), and start developing their inferior functions (Si and Te), the perpetual boy qualities start seeming less attractive, and more irresponsible, childish, and just unsuited to a mature, adult life, and especially to the ENFP's subconscious desire for stability and structure (SiTe). At this point, ENFPs will usually switch over to dating ITJs, who tend to better provide that stability and structure, and also share the FiTe judging axis, which allows for a certain kind of emotional depth (Fi) in the two partners' connection that seems to be lacking in the ENFP-ISTP relationship (ISTPs don't really use Fi -- it's their 8th and most neglected function -- and most NFPs, after enough time, find this lack of Fi connection troubling, like there's something missing there, and something that matters to them, some lack of deep, authentic emotional connection [to be fair, though, the cost of that deep, authentic Fi-based emotional connection with ITJs is that the relationship will tend to be more emotionally volatile, as each party will have a tendency towards selfishness and wanting things their own way {Fe simply tends to be more pragmatic in this regard (but learning to compromise is possible, and is a sign of maturity, for Fi users [and ISTPs aren't exactly the best Fe users in the world, either, so not only will the Fi connection be lacking, but their Fe might largely suck as well)}]).

My sources for this info are having dated a lot of ENFPs who have this very specific and oddly familiar dating history (and similar feelings about it), as well knowing other ENFPs on here whose relationship histories also share a very similar pattern.

You're at the age where dating an ISTP makes total sense, so I certainly wouldn't dissuade you from it. Pretty much every ENFP I know who has done so, around your age, enjoyed the experience, and, because of it, came to realize that it's not really what they're looking for in the long run. And that's an important thing to learn. And something best learned by experiencing it.

Yeah I think I want to experience it, he's a really nice kid. He tries to lure me in; by acting very "bad". He thinks I don't see right through it. I don't know if he is just trying to relate with me because I've done a lot of "bad" things for my age, or if he's just trying to impress me. He knows I hate bonding over substance abuse, because it doesn't take a special snowflake to do drugs. Yet he continues to talk about all of these crazy/wild experiences he's had. (insert yolo here) and I KNOW he's heard stories about me since, he always brings them up. I just roll my eyes and try to talk about cute baby animals, because damn cute baby animals are so cute. He likes to talk about silly things too, and I usually start talking about silly things to merge comfortably into the more serious topics I want too talk about it. I can't stand small talk, unless were joking or being goofy. I was straight up with him about small talk. Because I know I can get very annoying with how brash I am. I think I'm trying to scare him away a little bit, because like you said there is something missing. He just talks about how much he can't stand other people, (people we know known public figures, etc) which I don't mind. idk, he's just very realistic...but not realistic? I don't know if that made sense at all.

But, kudos to him he keeps on messaging me (broke my phone running to look at fish at a pet store...)and we had a cute lil kiss and he's great at kissing. I've only kissed 3 people, so I was glad I had someone to guide me. (late bloomer on the sexual ends of things...) He does have a HORRIBLE reputation. but girls go INSANE over him, apparently. Said his friends... I don't know I just feel mundanely awkward around him sometimes..and I hate feeling awkward. I guess I don't care really what happens. I've been fooled by looks before, and that was the biggest punch to my gut ever. BUT I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE HE IS SO NICE TO ME. AND I ALWAYS COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING LONELY. I AM SO ANNOYING.

I also really dislike that he tries to make me feel like I'm getting the royal treatment because he's nice to me. and I use to give into guys sooo easily, (sorta) so it kinda feels good to deny someone a lil bit, but he's so cute....

I feel like lizzie maguire and I need to stop.