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  1. #1
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Default Conscious Thought on Socializing With Intent

    In vent last evening I was having a conversation with @EJCC and @Elfboy about socializing, and the thought required that goes into it. More specefically, how to push/pull things around to get what's needed.

    For me, when I socialize, I don't really need to much (if any) conscious thought into it. I more or less know what I will need to say/do in real time and it all ends up working out, even if I have a goal I want to reach with the conversation (hence the "with intent" part), action, etc. When speaking with them, they professed that this sounded like a lot of work. I've heard this sort of response before, but after reflecting on this I am curious to how common this is. I suspect this does relate to me being an Fe-dom, but I am of the opinion that this doesn't have to be type-dependent. How easy/natural is this? I actually do find it rather odd that this sort of stuff is regarded as "difficult". I can see how it might be felt as such, but it still doesn't detract from the fact that part of me finds it surprising.

    To explain what I mean, I'll share a story that personfies this a lot (it was the one I was telling last night):


    Throughout this, I didn't have to think. There was very little conscious effort on my end. I knew the end goal "tag her", and I wanted it to happen. I put it in the back of my mind, and let my brain do its thing. Yes there was a little planning. Noticing details, subtle things, what not, and acting accordingly for what I needed to do, but it really didn't take much mental effort. I just don't need to think about that sort of stuff too much.

    Does anyone else feel this way? Or does this feel like it's too much mental effort and wouldn't come naturally. Mind you the example I gave is pretty extreme, but I did that to highlight the nature of it at full max effect. Everyone socially pushes and pulls around. You want to talk about a specefic thing with someone, so you bring it up. You read someones body language to tell how they feel about something and adjust accordingly. Everyone does it to some extent. However, some push it further for higher goals and what not. Say you have a friend who bought you a present, and you want to know what it is. You can (over time, might take days) ask them questions or push the conversation to get them to drop hints to find out what it might be.

    So. Do you do this? If not, why not? Discuss! (also if any of this is unclear, ask and I can try and reexplain, this is somewhat hard for me to write out to get at exactly what I mean).

    EDIT: I just noticed that I seem to talk about social stuff a lot. Not just here but in person too. Stereotype it may be for my type, but I just find this sort of stuff so interesting/fascinating!
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
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    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
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  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    For me, when I socialize, I don't really need to much (if any) conscious thought into it. I more or less know what I will need to say/do in real time and it all ends up working out, even if I have a goal I want to reach with the conversation (hence the "with intent" part), action, etc.
    I have a mode kind of like this; sometimes I can slip into it and things start coming out of my mouth that are perfectly fitted to the social situation ... usually. Sometimes I slip into that mode and the wrong things come out. I have an inner conversation superhero, but he's not like Superman, with bullets bouncing off his chest as he catches the bus that drove off the cliff. He's like a guy who bought a spandex suit at a costume shop, and, through many hours of practice, is getting pretty good at not tripping over his own cape, most of the time.

    How easy/natural is this? I actually do find it rather odd that this sort of stuff is regarded as "difficult".
    Socializing with someone I don't know in order to reach a goal is pretty much the hardest thing I can think of. I am intellectually aware that there are people who can actually do that sort of thing easily (and even like it!), but it is difficult to imagine.

    I think it would make sense if this is Fe we are talking about. Fe-dom = natural/easy/skillful; Fe-inferior = unnatural/hard/not-quite-entirely-unskilled-but-pretty-close.

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