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  1. #61
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    sorry Sub... I should generally shut up... I'm too busy looking on the bright side of having a broken leg and having to adapt with that as well at the moment

    I DO appreciate hanging out with people who will happily let me be me though- that's totally refreshing for a change.
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #62
    Senior Member Ilah's Avatar
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    I identify strongly with all this. (Except for the very last sentance.)

    However I am not sure I would use the term adapting. Adapting seems to me that you are changing to fit the situation, but for me it feel more like I am pretending to be someone I am not.

    And often times it did not feel to me like I was doing this freely out of a disire to fit in. Its feel more like I was pressured heavily to become more acceptable.

    Ilah


    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Me too whatever, I agree with your point. I'm just extending it by saying that by the same token, it can get confusing when you have to be that way all the time in order to prosper, so that occasionally there's a sense of hollowness, of losing a sense of who one really is. Who would I be if I wasn't adapting to you/him/her?

    The person I find I am when I take a solitary retreat for a few days/week is invariably a person who disapproves or dislikes or emerges feeling resentful sometimes, or that things must change, when I get back, as I've adapted too far and accommodated others too much, at the cost of my own inner self.

    It would just be nice to have some people around who you can be yourself with, to a greater extent. Rather than people around whom you have to lose your sense of self, to get on with. Fortunately I do have such people in my life

    And one of them's an S!

  3. #63
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Hey, I can take it seriously in content while still having a bit of fun with the title, right?
    Me no likey when you change the title. When you consider that this thread was also moved from another forum, it can be hard to track down if you are trying to find it again.
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
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  4. #64
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    Me no likey when you change the title. When you consider that this thread was also moved from another forum, it can be hard to track down if you are trying to find it again.
    This is why I have my forum options set to subscribe when I post in a thread. Then, even if it moves or the name changes, you can always find it in your user CP. Thread moves and name changes are just part of the forum landscape.
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  5. #65
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    In my experience, I/E has more to do with fitting in than N/S does (I realize you're a strong E, CC, I'm just offering my impression).

    I didn't fit in with any group in school. I just wanted to be around normal people (read: like me) but I guess I never found them since I didn't connect non-superficially with anyone at all until university. Even now I have a hard time making friends because I don't have much in common with most people I meet.

    My ENTP and ENTJ friends, on the other hand, have very active social lives and professional lives, and don't appear to have any difficulties fitting in. So in my experience the theory doesn't hold up, although I can see how it would in theory.

    Another MBTI thing that might have more to do with fitting in: having "sex-opposite " T/F...

  6. #66
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Randomnity, being an extravert means I am strongly oriented towards a need for direct interaction with the external world. It does not mean I was born automatically more sociable or better able to get along with people or be normal.

    But having this strong need would mean I'd make more of an effort to LEARN to socialize, than an introvert, who can get by easier without the level and amount of direct external interaction that I need.

    It doesn't mean I learn to be normal. It doesn't mean I don't feel awkward, or shy, or isolated; in fact it's a thing many introverts fail to realize, how feeling isolated and alone whilst being simultaneously the centre of attention is quite possible and happens all the time.

    It does mean that, for some people, particularly perhaps EN's, in order to fulfill the driving psychological need to extravert, which needs people to extravert with or to, one has to adapt oneself in order to do this successfully. This means that sometimes, depending on just how 'exceptional' (in the sense of weird) I am in comparison to the people I'm with, I have to 'present' as something that's increasingly unlike me, therefore losing myself and coming to dislike myself. hence the hollow, loss-of-self and identity issues I mentioned earlier.

    Being an EN can entail a lot of hard balancing work between needing to be true to yourself, whilst interacting intensely with a world that doesn't tolerate your real self.

    edit - oh, and plus, I was RUTHLESSLY bullied ALL the way through school, despite being a strong extravert. And I might argue that the isolation this brought on me was a hundred times more painful than it would've been for an introvert. And that pain was something I had to get over in my adult life, in order to have the confidence to do what I do now. IOW, it's not all plain sailing. It's just as hard, but the difference being the extravert has the need, therefore makes the effort to do it, and keeps trying, while the introvert simply accepts the isolation and enjoys their alone time. To a greater extent, though not entirely, of course.
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  7. #67
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    In my experience, I/E has more to do with fitting in than N/S does (I realize you're a strong E, CC, I'm just offering my impression).

    I didn't fit in with any group in school. I just wanted to be around normal people (read: like me) but I guess I never found them since I didn't connect non-superficially with anyone at all until university. Even now I have a hard time making friends because I don't have much in common with most people I meet.

    My ENTP and ENTJ friends, on the other hand, have very active social lives and professional lives, and don't appear to have any difficulties fitting in. So in my experience the theory doesn't hold up, although I can see how it would in theory.

    Another MBTI thing that might have more to do with fitting in: having "sex-opposite " T/F...

    You hit it right on the spot. Extroverts do have an easier time socializing and stuff but for N type personalities, this socializing is really superficial. Personally I could sit with anygroup and yak my head off, even be the center of attention and feel so left out. The group really doesn't want to talk about what I say, and if I say it they really think I am joking. My brother an INFJ on the otherhand has it even worst, most people will laugh at my comments and stuff, but since he seems like a quiet guy and when he finally lets his N type thoughts out they look at him like he as snakes crawling out of his head. Our thought process just doesn't mesh. I really suck at explaining this sorry.

  8. #68
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    This is why I have my forum options set to subscribe when I post in a thread. Then, even if it moves or the name changes, you can always find it in your user CP. Thread moves and name changes are just part of the forum landscape.
    Thread moves are reasonable. Name changes not so much.
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
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  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    Thread moves are reasonable. Name changes not so much.
    YA RLLY

  10. #70
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    LMAO!
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
    http://www.revoltingvegetables.com

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