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  1. #1
    ka-POW labyrinth_perhaps's Avatar
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    Default Unhealthy ENFP ;)

    Well, It's been a day since I've joined and I'm all over these forums. SUPER impulsively.

    sweet/rad/sick

    Anyways, I'm a very unhealthy ENFP. I was once very successful in my young life, and I've seem to lose sight of whom that person was. I feel like I've been 3 different people in the process of 17 years.

    Examples: ages 4-15 I was very bubbly, super ignorant and very positive, class clown, class president, spoke up to anything I thought was morally wrong. I was more happy, then being obnoxious and less liked than I am now. Kind of like the little mermaid ENFP. I had nothing to lose, I suppose. Major problems during this time was my insecurities with myself my whole life. I was always over weight, and my family was too. So, my extreme ENFP 'shock factor' side came from my insecurities from my physical appearance. Something ENFPs don't want to extremely value but do anyways. My dad is also a very unhealthy ENFP he has been his whole life, often having temper tantrums that resemble cartoon ones. He looks so funny when he freaks out, but it's actually very serious and the weirdest most hateful feeling I've ever experienced. I don't want to get into too much details, but he is insane, and I never wanted to be like him, and I turned out to be.

    15-16
    I was bulimic, lost a lot of weight gained it back x2 lost 30 pounds again. These two years were the most depressing years of my life. I felt crazy, and I knew I was crazy even if I did recognize it...because I had really odd fantasized plans to stop it, that would never work. I was hospitalized for depression 4 times in these years. I became very cynical, way too cynical. I attempted to be sadistic but it did not work at all. I just hurt myself more because I really can not hurt others, I've tried. The only things that saved me were drugs, mostly psychedelics. I buried myself into a another unhealthy ENFP boy who I fell in love with. I was very over self confident during this time or extremely introverted. My love life drained me, I stopped going to school for 3 months. I didn't leave my bed for a month.

    I really don't know what hit me in may of 2013 but I wanted to live... LOL. So, I got out of bed, made up credits, enrolled in a therapeutic high school, devoted my whole summer to losing weight a healthy way ( the 30 pounds) and avoided all contact with my unhealthy ENFP crush/lover thing. When September came I started up in the therapeutic High School again, and decided to get into holistic healing and yoga, I checked out a DBT therapy group and did that for 8 weeks in the fall. I was prescribed a ADHD medicine that helped me 20x better than any antidepressants did. I work out 3 times a week or more and lost 10 more pounds since summer. In December of 2013 I turned 17.

    17: I now perform improv, and i am the youngest in the troop everyone else is 24+ and just started Dual enrollment for a local community college in my area. I'm taking a math class and English.

    What I'M FINALLY TRYING TO GET AT IS.... I'm so mad at the world all the time that it physically hurts. I have emotional break downs everyday and feel so stupid. (yes I am highly aware of my progress) I just feel like i'm not going to be able to commit to all of this, and I'm going to crash and burn again very roughly. I can never focus on what I want to do anymore, and I feel as if I'll never really be able to relax and function properly again. I feel like a huge time bomb. I'm a super bitch to everyone I meet lately, just because no one interests me with their petty small talk. It bothers me more than you think.

    "hey, can you believe its snowing?"

    My thoughts: NO SHIT, YOU'RE SO STUPID. ITS WINTER... OF COURSE IT IS SNOWING DUMB SHIT. LEAVE ME ALONE.

    "yeah I can, it is winter! haha!"

    I'm honestly so bothered by petty problems that it is A HUGE PROBLEM. I'm trying to be so positive lately, its sickening. This is actually the first time since May, I've admitted I'm struggling. Right now I'm letting my happy mask down, and being way too negative. I just feel SO UNGRATEFUL AND SO SELFISH, AND ITS A CONSTANT REPEATING CYCLE. FEEL BAD, THINK IM A BAD PERSON, DO BAD THINGS, FEEL BAD AGAIN. ETC.

    I just want to be a bad ass, and the little mermaid at the same time... damn.

    I have a therapist, my parents know about my actions, I know how to keep moving on. I just want some advice about how to stop the unhealthy ENFP cycle.

    (I don't do drugs anymore, I smoke but rarely at this point because I have to pay for school and I have no cash, awesome. same with drinking)
    (I've had a brain scan, my brain is miraculously fine as well, I don't suffer from any mental illnesses besides clinical depression and clinical anxiety, I've been tested numerous times for Bipolar, and Schizophrenia)

    This is super dramatic, and I'm so sorry if this overwhelms you. I just need to see some ENFP advice, from any types to be completely honest. if you feel uncomfortable posting this to a thread you can privately message me.
    "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
    -Oscar Wilde

  2. #2
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Default

    also it could be you're a teenager. if these feelings last well into your 20s then worry. I'm not dismissing the eating disorder. but hating the world and crying for me that was common, not saying you wouldn't benefit from therapy, because you might. But 17 is so volatile
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by labyrinth_perhaps View Post
    Well, It's been a day since I've joined and I'm all over these forums. SUPER impulsively.

    sweet/rad/sick […]
    Welcome!

    You sound like a bright, engaged person. You're young and carrying a bit of a heavy load (the improv group on top of classes). Maybe it's good for you to be that committed, or maybe you need to lighten up the load and just have some fun. It's up to you. Remember that you're still a kid. You still have a lot of school and growing ahead of you.

    Check out the following website on typology issues for ENFPs. It talks about how ENFPs are known for having anger issues and getting into a lot of negativity, and how to counteract that.

    http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ENFP_per.html

    Best of luck!

  4. #4
    ka-POW labyrinth_perhaps's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    also it could be you're a teenager. if these feelings last well into your 20s then worry. I'm not dismissing the eating disorder. but hating the world and crying for me that was common, not saying you wouldn't benefit from therapy, because you might. But 17 is so volatile
    wow, why did that just help me so much? I forget that I actually am 17 sometimes because I think I like to pretend I'm not

    I am so oblivious
    "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
    -Oscar Wilde

  5. #5
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by labyrinth_perhaps View Post
    wow, why did that just help me so much? I forget that I actually am 17 sometimes because I think I like to pretend I'm not

    I am so oblivious
    are you being sarcastic? I was just saying when I was a teen things that seemed like a big deal ended up not being so.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  6. #6
    ka-POW labyrinth_perhaps's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FLD View Post
    Welcome!

    You sound like a bright, engaged person. You're young and carrying a bit of a heavy load (the improv group on top of classes). Maybe it's good for you to be that committed, or maybe you need to lighten up the load and just have some fun. It's up to you. Remember that you're still a kid. You still have a lot of school and growing ahead of you.

    Check out the following website on typology issues for ENFPs. It talks about how ENFPs are known for having anger issues and getting into a lot of negativity, and how to counteract that.

    http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ENFP_per.html

    Best of luck!
    Thank you, for your positive words! I have looked at this personal growth page quite some times, I just do better when relating to experiences, it helps me understand more clearly. But thank you so much anyways.
    "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
    -Oscar Wilde

  7. #7
    ka-POW labyrinth_perhaps's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    are you being sarcastic? I was just saying when I was a teen things that seemed like a big deal ended up not being so.
    OMG. NOT AT ALL. I was actually agreeing with you! I am so sorry if it came off that way. (I blame the internet) But I experience very OVER DRAMATIC emotions to the point where they actually feel true, so I convince myself they are subconsciously, I just do it to a extreme point, more than most teenagers.
    "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
    -Oscar Wilde

  8. #8
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by labyrinth_perhaps View Post
    OMG. NOT AT ALL. I was actually agreeing with you! I am so sorry if it came off that way. (I blame the internet) But I experience very OVER DRAMATIC emotions to the point where they actually feel true, so I convince myself they are subconsciously, I just do it to a extreme point, more than most teenagers.
    o ok, sorry. one thing I've learned is feelings aren't facts and you should ride the wave? you might want to look into getting a therapist that is certified in DBT it was very helpful for me. though I didn't get exposed to dbt til i was 24

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialect...havior_therapy
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #9
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Hey @labyrinth_perhaps, welcome to the forum You're not alone.

    I feel you on having been successful and falling from grace. I had eating struggles too. (I'm 25 now). You know what I did when I was a teenager? I was enrolled in the highest level high school classes I could be in, did really spectacularly at the beginning, then proceeded to quit doing my work, start lying about having done my work, skipped classes, pretended to be sick, kept really bizarre sleeping hours, and got myself so out of whack that I couldn't tell whether I was really sick or not. I also earned the most embarrassing moment of my life via a come-to-Jesus meeting with my school counselor, principal, all my teachers, and my parents. I also binged and restricted food and went on Adderall and my weight shot up and down.

    It's true that being a teenager makes a difference. Hormones can make you all over the place and bizarrely emotional.

    How to stop the unhealthy ENFP cycle... my best advice is figure out what makes you feel happy and alive and pursue it. I always think in my head "do what makes your heart sing". Trust your inner self, your intuitive and feeling sense of what's right and good for you. It's an incredible internal compass and it doesn't point you wrong. The hard part, at least for me, is to see where it's pointing when there are many options and many voices weighing in. But if you can catch a whisper of it... it leads you away from despair and into your own light. For me it's usually something to do with emotionally connecting with others and helping empower them. I hit a low point where I decided that if I didn't care about living for myself at least I'd live to make my parents happy. Everything started going uphill from that "epiphany" moment. Now I understand that helping others feel fulfilled is my great gift. Not that I've figured out everything - still haven't finalized how exactly to put that gift into practice - but the inner voice is stronger.

    As for your anger... someone says, "hey, can you believe its snowing?". You're irritated because you've steeled yourself against your own feeling response, yeah? No room for vulnerability. Reach in further, connect with wonder and excitement and happiness at the notion of snow and the possibilities it brings. They're in there, just a little deeper, past the self-protectiveness. Anger is a shell, a reactive response, a self-protection. What are you protecting? Strip the protection away and let yourself be vulnerable. It hurts and it's wonderful and it is the key to reconnecting with the joy that is inherent in existence.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rumi
    Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

  10. #10
    ka-POW labyrinth_perhaps's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Hey @labyrinth_perhaps, welcome to the forum You're not alone.

    I feel you on having been successful and falling from grace. I had eating struggles too. (I'm 25 now). You know what I did when I was a teenager? I was enrolled in the highest level high school classes I could be in, did really spectacularly at the beginning, then proceeded to quit doing my work, start lying about having done my work, skipped classes, pretended to be sick, kept really bizarre sleeping hours, and got myself so out of whack that I couldn't tell whether I was really sick or not. I also earned the most embarrassing moment of my life via a come-to-Jesus meeting with my school counselor, principal, all my teachers, and my parents. I also binged and restricted food and went on Adderall and my weight shot up and down.

    It's true that being a teenager makes a difference. Hormones can make you all over the place and bizarrely emotional.

    How to stop the unhealthy ENFP cycle... my best advice is figure out what makes you feel happy and alive and pursue it. I always think in my head "do what makes your heart sing". Trust your inner self, your intuitive and feeling sense of what's right and good for you. It's an incredible internal compass and it doesn't point you wrong. The hard part, at least for me, is to see where it's pointing when there are many options and many voices weighing in. But if you can catch a whisper of it... it leads you away from despair and into your own light. For me it's usually something to do with emotionally connecting with others and helping empower them. I hit a low point where I decided that if I didn't care about living for myself at least I'd live to make my parents happy. Everything started going uphill from that "epiphany" moment. Now I understand that helping others feel fulfilled is my great gift. Not that I've figured out everything - still haven't finalized how exactly to put that gift into practice - but the inner voice is stronger.

    As for your anger... someone says, "hey, can you believe its snowing?". You're irritated because you've steeled yourself against your own feeling response, yeah? No room for vulnerability. Reach in further, connect with wonder and excitement and happiness at the notion of snow and the possibilities it brings. They're in there, just a little deeper, past the self-protectiveness. Anger is a shell, a reactive response, a self-protection. What are you protecting? Strip the protection away and let yourself be vulnerable. It hurts and it's wonderful and it is the key to reconnecting with the joy that is inherent in existence.
    I absolutely adored this feedback, I'm not terribly sad right now. But in my moments I sure as hell feel like it. When I get upset, it's so hard to tell myself it's not the end of the world. Lol. It's like I feel as if I can't turn back. But realizing my emotions more clearly, I think I'm starting to be able to step back and view myself. So basically I just need to be real with myself at all times? Because I'll convince myself lies other wise. Yeah, I do need to be vulnerable because I'm not good at hiding away how I really feel. MAJOR TIME BOMB. Or, I just need to express it in a way that won't be negative.

    This was really enlightening, and very helpful coming from another ENFP. Thank you so much!
    "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
    -Oscar Wilde

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