* Find it diffcult to understand my own feelings or what they mean until well after the fact. I actually wish I was more in touch with my feelings, but I'm not good at it. This is also why I don't like people quizzing me on them.
*Self-conscious about seeming shy, so sometimes talk when I don't have anything to say, instead of giving myself the silence to reply once I have something to say; I am especially bad at this if I like someone.
*Not entirely sure as to what I want in life, or how to align that with my job.
*Prone to boredom.
*Out of touch with my body... learning anything kinesthetic requires a LOT of patience.
*Tendency towards self-righteousness.
*Too eager to put on masks according to what I think will please others.
*Tendency to "research options" when what is needed is decisive action.
*Tendency towards paranoia.
*Prone to procrastination and laziness.
* Have a hard time trusting people.
* Not good at letting things go
* Complain about people being oversensitive when I myself can be oversensitive.
* Have only the vaugest sense of a "dream" or inner guidance... I know the generalities, but not the specifics, certainly not at the level of specialization required by society.
* Dislike networking.
* Does not consider myself boring, but is well aware that others do.
* Not good at setting boundaries (this one is high priority, because I demand this so much of others.)
* Doesn't take enough things seriously.
How's that for an egotistical son-of-a-bitch NT who thinks he's perfect? I'm sure I'm not even scratching the surface, actually.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY
This is merely a matter of how much time I have to type this... which in itself is a problem (wasting time on the internet), but far from my greatest.
- disorganized, bad with time management, focusing on task work, and attention to dry details
- flip between being too indulgent & restrictive with life choices, hard time balancing moods & values
- self-absorption, prone to moodiness & isolating self, too self-conscious & self-critical which inhibits
- too passive in initiating things with others, too much wishful thinking
- excessively idealistic hopes lead to extreme disappointment which gives too critical/negative attitude
- poor surface social skills, appear unfriendly/snobby, not good at fitting into others' conversational flow
- unaware of my body language & face, appear unhappy/unfriendly when just "thinking"
- know-it-all, like to argue/debate too much, too bookish, not light-hearted or fun enough
- too hot or cold, switch between cool indifference that's dull/passive to intense passion that's too aggressive
- resist external vulnerability of emotional display & appear cold/disinterested for it, see others attempts to affect me as emotional manipulation (too sensitive)
- appear too comfortable being a loner, am too comfortable being a loner
- sense of shame inhibits too much
- don't care about certain social protocol, can seem inappropriate, defiant, odd in a bad way, etc
- a bit vain, or interest in aesthetics is construed this way by others
- selfish with my time/energy at times
- accommodate others, don't vocalize my needs, resent it
- feel misunderstood, don't put much out there for people to work with
- not enough self-discipline to do things I want to do and/or way too high standards for what one can accomplish in a day or what is a "good" final result
- paralyzed by too high standards, discouraged too easily by less-than-perfect results, too all or nothing
I could go on....
"Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure
My problem is the problem of the pariah. I don't connect with people as others do. That leaves one choice: Adapt, or Die alone and unfulfilled. I have to mold what would be a stand-out personality to conceal myself amongst a crowd of social automatons that attempt to purify or separate the abnormals. I have masks weaved of deceptive yet smooth silk that allow me to sit atop my shadowed throne of hidden condescension and derision of the public and still mimic the dreary life of a social being. Then comes the time when a connection, a faint glimmer, is made, and I realize solemnly that the disguise that was once my protection from the outside is now the cage that locks the tormented, true persona that cries for release.
On an entirely different note, I also need to work on being less lazy.