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Thread: Fi Demystified

  1. #51
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    I will do that.
    Yes, it will make you feel better, and it will surely make her feel better. I hope I did not make you feel uncomfortable by saying what I did. It just pains me to see people who are unhappy when they are both alive and can do something to change it. I mean, after all, to hurt someone else, you must hurt yourself first. And the pain won't go away until you deal with it, heal it, and move on with your friendship....
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  2. #52
    Senior Member Gabe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    It's alarming and shameful how much I identify with the following and much of what has been said in the OP:



    I am getting better at owning my responsibility, but this has really .. for bluewing to have chosen the perfect word .. demystified my egocentric, loathsome behavior (and feelings!).

    Perhaps i am the only one..?

    Yes, you resisted being needed. Many I_FPs do. But the solution to that is to develop Extraverted FEELING, not thinking. Yes, that's right, many "F problems" develop because of an ATTITUDE-problem (when people are too locked in thier preffered feeling-attitude). In those cases (as in yours), the answer is to develop MORE FEELING, just the other attitude.

    (sorry for using your stuff for proving a point. But hey, there it is!)

    Of course, this does apply to you, if you have a tendency to jump-ship on relationships (again, many __FPs do). Find some way to develop extraverted feeling. Fight for others! Be needed! (in some way)

  3. #53
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I understand.. I understand how Te (developing thinking to fix the problem) does NOT help those situations, as it aides the Fi and finds evidence to justify everything. But Fe.. Yes... I need to really study Fe (its merits, of course) now.

  4. #54
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    2)Soren Kierkegaard(INFP) has courted Regine Olsen, a beautiful intelligent lady from Copenghagen. Has furthered his relationship to the point where she has agreed to marry him. Then randomly he breaks the engagement, making only a very superficial attempt to explain his plan, and leaves town. She was devastated, yet Kierkegaard would have liked to believe (as his diaries show) that he is completely innocent and he was hurt more than she was. Such thinking of his has reached an apogee in the 'Diary of a Seducer' in Either/Or.

    To his last days he ended up mourning her and wishing they'd be back together, dreaming of how it all may happen, staring at her picture for hours without respite. Wallowing in his wistful memories and kicking himself at the very image of Regine having anything to do with her husband or any other man besides himself. Apparently S.K lost all grounding in reality. He had no desire to demystify his fancies. He had no will to analyze the situation and see why he is suffering and what he could of done to prevent this, and what he can do in the future to avoid such problems. He simply sought to have an emotional reaction because this made him feel more alive. And obviously the emotional reaction centered around heart-warming sympathies. Obviously he could not have helped himself but screw up. Obviously he was hurt more than Regine, and obviously he is doing the right thing.
    Yes, agreed. He really distorted the situation and didn't work through the root causes of his feelings. Then he used the romanticism of the situation to isolate himself from further loves by holding onto the dream of love for Regine, wallowing in the pain of loss and what might have been (which he could never know if the reality would have matched his imagination of course) instead of moving on with his life and finding a way to share his life and give more selflessly in the future. Easier to be in love with the dream of love and its grandiose drama than the nitty-gritty of love. It is like he had a big, years long tanturm because his first love didn't turn out the way his imagination told him it might at first. All people who love pass through this but for some reason he got stuck in it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    I understand.. I understand how Te (developing thinking to fix the problem) does NOT help those situations, as it aides the Fi and finds evidence to justify everything. But Fe.. Yes... I need to really study Fe (its merits, of course) now.
    Te can help a Fi dom evaluate what went wrong in a relationship and help to give perspective to change behaviors in the future. To not jump to conclusions or engage in over sensitivity or suspicions without due evidence. Ne can provide perception to aid perspective. Sure a person could use Te to aid Fi in justifying a given perspective but it can also be used to analyze the situation.

  5. #55
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Excellent point, heart. I didn't mean to say that I only use it in a negative way. This is a pretty new subject to me. An excellent one!

  6. #56
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    I am ashamed... To ashamed to ever look her in the eye again. I threw away the most meaningful friendship I've ever known just to free myself from the pressure of holding onto such a precious gift.
    I wouldn't make any assumptions about this without knowing all the facts about the dynamic of the friendship and take a hard, honest look at all the reasons why you may have chosen at the time to end the friendship. Things are not always as black and white as they seem on the surface.

    In our friend Kierkegaard's case, there may have been a very valid reason why his N told him that the relationship with Regine was unhealthy for one or both of them and if that were the case it would be better if they found different people to share their lives with, but his mistake was in not looking at the situation clearly enough and then his romanticising of his pain of loss and not learning from it prevented him from moving on to other more viable relationships where there was a greater benefit to both parites. He built up this great dramatic idea that he was tragically flawed and could not form a healthy love so best he refrain for life from loves but then he was a victim of this horrible affliction of being unworthy of the normal human love...so grandiose.

    No matter his reasons for ending the relaitonship, it seemed he did do it poorly without enough explaination at the time and that is something he needed to admit and correct in his behavior in the future. jmo.

  7. #57
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I wouldn't make any assumptions about this without knowing all the facts about the dynamic of the friendship and take a hard, honest look at all the reasons why you may have chosen at the time to end the friendship. Things are not always as black and white as they seem on the surface.

    In our friend Kierkegaard's case, there may have been a very valid reason why his N told him that the relationship with Regine was unhealthy for one or both of them and if that were the case it would be better if they found different people to share their lives with, but his mistake was in not looking at the situation clearly enough and then his romanticising of his pain of loss and not learning from it prevented him from moving on to other more viable relationships where there was a greater benefit to both parites. He built up this great dramatic idea that he was tragically flawed and could not form a healthy love so best he refrain for life from loves but then he was a victim of this horrible affliction of being unworthy of the normal human love...so grandiose.

    No matter his reasons for ending the relaitonship, it seemed he did do it poorly without enough explaination at the time and that is something he needed to admit and correct in his behavior in the future. jmo.
    Assuming that the relationship was unhealthy, one should definitely end it, even if it might cause temporary pain and suffering. While offering my advice, I assumed that the relationship was healthy, and that a mistake was made that could be remedied. In that instance it is a shame to leave a situation like that unresolved if some action can be undertaken to correct it. Of course, only Dana knows the depth of his/her own emotions, the situation, the feelings regarding it, etc.

    Well, Dana, hon, I wish you luck and wisdom so that you make the right decision for everyone involved. However, if you truly know and believe that reconciliation would be the best answer, I wanted to support you.
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  8. #58
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    BlueWing,

    Are you being serious? Or is this an experiment of some sort?

  9. #59
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minako-bot View Post
    BlueWing,

    Are you being serious? Or is this an experiment of some sort?
    Listen to your heart! Then decide for yourself!
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

    “No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”---Samuel Johnson

    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  10. #60
    seor member colmena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minako-bot View Post
    BlueWing,

    Are you being serious? Or is this an experiment of some sort?
    I felt a guinea pig from the off.

    I have mixed feelings of pride and disdain.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

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