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  1. #11
    WhoCares
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    Quote Originally Posted by two cents View Post
    This part is the exact opposite for me. Listening to other people's problems makes me temporarily forget about my own. It can be a nice break.
    Maybe the reason for our difference is my internal drive for problem solving. I cannot listen to a problem without simultaneously seeking a solution for it. To listen to a lot of venting that finds no resolution other than (now I feel better) is frustrating for me. So just the act of hearing about the problem sucks up my energy and headspace time as I automatically seek a solution. Often though, people dont want solutions or in venting they were not seeking any advice, so my time and energy is wasted.

  2. #12
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by badger055 View Post
    Is there a way around this? It's pretty bad for me.
    Stop or reduce the suckage and over time the drained feeling will go away.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #13
    Senior Member two cents's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    Maybe the reason for our difference is my internal drive for problem solving. I cannot listen to a problem without simultaneously seeking a solution for it. To listen to a lot of venting that finds no resolution other than (now I feel better) is frustrating for me. So just the act of hearing about the problem sucks up my energy and headspace time as I automatically seek a solution. Often though, people dont want solutions or in venting they were not seeking any advice, so my time and energy is wasted.
    That's a common INTJ complaint!

    Believe it or not, I also spend a lot of time during this sort of interaction thinking up various solutions for their problems. That's kind of part of the distraction. And I'm also frustrated when I can't offer any.

    But I've learned first hand how helpful it is to just have someone listen, and commiserate, and maybe hold you, and reassure you (even in a very non-committal way), so I feel better when I'm able to offer these things. If you think about it, it's not that weird that they would help -- the vulnerability they offer and the comfort you offer are both very important currencies of human interaction, and exchanging these does change how we feel, both in the moment, and more generally about where we stand with people.
    And that's my two cents on the subject.

  4. #14
    Sheep pill, broster asynartetic's Avatar
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    cocaine

  5. #15
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    Do you really like these people? When I get drained like that it's because I'm around people I don't like. If that's the case for you, then I'd get away from them.

  6. #16
    Sheep pill, broster asynartetic's Avatar
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    Even people I like can exhaust me to no end. Especially if they don't want help but still expect you to listen to them rant about how much their lives suck.. to kind of echo what @WhoCares said

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    Do you really like these people? When I get drained like that it's because I'm around people I don't like. If that's the case for you, then I'd get away from them.
    Hmm yea I get energized being around people I do like. I have to be able to let all my guards down and be completely raw. Not easy to find people I like though. It's sort of a reoccurring problem. Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.

  8. #18
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by badger055 View Post
    Hmm yea I get energized being around people I do like. I have to be able to let all my guards down and be completely raw. Not easy to find people I like though. It's sort of a reoccurring problem. Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.
    Yep. exactly

    When you figure the answer to this out I want it.

    From what I've gathered though...we prolly need a balance of both or some crap.

    Yea, you need to be around diverse people to grow...blah blah blah....but not to the point that it's overwhelming and permanently draining.

  9. #19
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by two cents View Post
    But I've learned first hand how helpful it is to just have someone listen, and commiserate, and maybe hold you, and reassure you (even in a very non-committal way), so I feel better when I'm able to offer these things. If you think about it, it's not that weird that they would help -- the vulnerability they offer and the comfort you offer are both very important currencies of human interaction, and exchanging these does change how we feel, both in the moment, and more generally about where we stand with people.
    I'm not sure that these currencies are so universal. Our responses to them certainly are not. INTJs in particular tend to prefer other modes of interaction. I for one DO want help with a concrete solution, and otherwise prefer to be left alone.

    Quote Originally Posted by badger055 View Post
    Hmm yea I get energized being around people I do like. I have to be able to let all my guards down and be completely raw. Not easy to find people I like though. It's sort of a reoccurring problem. Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.
    You cannot depend on changing others, and should not try. Ultimately the only person you can change or control is yourself. You can control your responses to people, which includes whether you seek out, tolerate, or avoid someone. You can also change your perspective. That is harder to do, but can be more effective in making change across the board. It only works well if aligned with your values.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #20
    Senior Member Dannik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by badger055 View Post
    Do I change myself or do I change the people I'm around.
    My feeling is change neither;
    express the real strange eccentricities of your self fully
    and if you are true to yourself you will (slowly! over time...) attract like-minded people!

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