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  1. #1
    Stansmith
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    Default Is Fe stressful?

    It seems exhausting to have to constantly mirror others and say/do things you don't necessarily want to say/do for someone else's sake. Do you experience it that way, or is it something you actually do without much effort or thought? It seems like it can be kind of hard on IFJs. Although on the flip side, I guess could say having constant, inexplicable, fluctuating internal moods is stressful too.

  2. #2
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    It is most definitely, it needs to be reined in or else you burn out really fast. Withdrawing from the world isn't the answer either because it doesn't address the problem of what I'm going to call "Fe whiplash" that comes from giving too much thought (feel?) to too many things.
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  3. #3
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    It is most definitely, it needs to be reined in or else you burn out really fast. Withdrawing from the world isn't the answer either because it doesn't address the problem of what I'm going to call "Fe whiplash" that comes from giving too much thought (feel?) to too many things.
    How do you cope when that happens? Or try to prevent it?

  4. #4
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    In the past it has been, because I have an extreme need for external validation; so I have had to learn to not constantly measure myself against other people and external standards, second guess myself, and invalidate my feelings. I'm incorporating some Fi lessons of self acceptance and living in the moment. When Fe is working well (and acknowledged in the personality rather than suppressed) I don't experience it as exhausting at all- quite the opposite. I don't have too much emotional energy generated from within; I need external stimulation of something to connect to or be in some sort of relationship with. I connect with the world as a whole, people, ideas, events, sensual stimuli, other consciousnesses, and then I get energy. I don't really try to do Fe things, other than learn what behaviors are appropriate. This stimulates my mind though, so it's not draining. I only feel drained if I criticize myself. I automatically connect with external things and other consciousnesses to where I have to be mindful of what is mine and what is other people's. I've never had a problem with being selfless though, fortunately; I think living in one's head lends an amount of self centeredness.

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Not for me. Fe is my natural mode of operation. I do it unconsciously most of the time, and usually I'm not aware of it until something rubs Fi the wrong way and I sense something prickly, then I realize, "Oh, that's Fe communication not being received very well" and I adjust my communication method.

    It is only stressful when there is more than one force at work -- for example, if I'm having a really good time with the family watching a movie, which is rare nowadays, and my best friend suddenly calls with a problem that needs listening to. I usually feel bad for letting someone down.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

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    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Overall it is because it feels like people often have feelings of negativity and I can usually bring them down off of these, but these tends to be some personal cost.

    I get my strength from Ti combining with Ni and Se combining with Ni. For some reason Fe is the most draining to me of all the functions.
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    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
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  7. #7
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    How do you cope when that happens? Or try to prevent it?
    I wish I had a good answer for that, I'm not happy with my past coping mechanisms. I'm giving meditation a shot, maybe stopping every once in a while to clear my head and put everything in perspective is a good thing. I can see the appeal of religion and why so many Fe types give themselves to it.
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  8. #8
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    I wish I had a good answer for that, I'm not happy with my past coping mechanisms. I'm giving meditation a shot, maybe stopping every once in a while to clear my head and put everything in perspective is a good thing. I can see the appeal of religion and why so many Fe types give themselves to it.
    Ah...I see. Meditation and/or religion as an anchor or guiding light kind of thing?

  9. #9
    garbage
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    It's not stressful when it doesn't take effort. It's often not worth the effort when it's stressful.

    Soo.. from my vantage point, no.


    I see my own tendency as kind of a natural 'dual-mindedness.' Often, when I see someone in emotional distress or pain, I just instinctually treat it as if it were my own arm that was pain. I'd want to bandage my own arm. It's not forced at all.

    Moreover, aren't our functional preferences supposed to indicate our natural predispositions? That is, the ways that we're naturally inclined to view and orient ourselves in the world? Why would a natural inclination be stressful? (edit: I guess this is what @21% said)

    It's akin to asking if Ne is stressful for an Ne-dom/aux because they're forced to make connections between stuff in the outside world, or somesuch.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yeah, I don't really see it as just doing a ton of things I hate because social rules dictate that I have to. I mean, my natural inclination may not be to do certain things, but if I see that it matters a lot to someone or that it is important, it is just one of those things you do. I think there is also a way to find meaning in it, so that it becomes interesting or gratifying to do so. Sometimes you even feel kind of good about it.

    Secondly, I don't think Fe is about keeping rules. It's more about being aware of cause and effect. So just because a Fe user is aware of what the other person expects, and what it may mean if one ignores that, it doesn't mean that Fe users don't also consider things like their own personal values, the reasonability of what is being asked, their own schedule and so on.

    So no, I don't find it that stressful, because I believe someone is being unreasonable or if what is being expected of me is not realistic for me to deliver, I just won't do it.

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