when i was younger in lower school i was very chatty , a bit hyper and very friendly , i was the "leader" of my social group and had many friends . often people would tell me i was shouting when i was talking .
however i also enjoyed things like reading and painting and iv always been very creative and still am , i used to spend most of my time with friends and being creative and then watching TV in the evenings
however when i was in middle school i got bullied ( because i picked my nose! ) and the whole year group picked on me ,
i still had quite a few friends at that point so people being mean to me diddnt bother me that much however when i joined high school i realized that i was pretty much silent with people i diddnt know and was quite scared of everyone and diddnt make many friends . by the time i left i got over that feeling
but now ( i have just started uni) i have realized because i went so long without really talking to people its as if my social skills and personality have vanished i dont feel shy with my flatmates/classmates like i did a little when i first joined anymore but i just cant think of anything to say and i speak in a very quiet voice. people often misunderstand things i dsay when im talking or cant hear me . i also cant think of any words to say in conversation and everyone i come into contact with mentions how quiet i am but i just dont know how to be louder ! i spend alot of time worrying about how im doing in life/socially/career ect...
and im worried about whether ill be able to connect nd make proper friends with people cos im so quiet
in terms of "recharging and energizing"
if i spend to much time alone i start to drive my self crazy and become a bit depressed, but then when i see other people again i realize that its not as bad as i thought and i cheer up alot. I really enjoy socializing and meeting new people when im a bit drunk as I think as when were tipsy i dont have to think of much to say as we just come out with rubbish or act silly and during the day and dont have anything to say
but if i spend too much time with other people i start to feel really drained and i also enjoy watching tv and listening to music and that recharges me also
i feel like i may have been born and extrovert but become an introvert due to whats happened in life but being an introvert doesnt make me happy and means that im struggling socially as neither introvert or extrovert are really coming naturally to me
also why do you think i don't seem tl have any personality/cant ever think of anything to say to people do you think its because i was so shy in my teenage years that i diddnt really develop one or something?
and how do i fix this?
thanks in advance