As some of you might know, I've been going through a major funk for the past 3-4 months where I haven't been 'myself', but I'm not sure whether I'm in the grips of inferior Ni, or Te.
-I've become much more reclusive and quiet for the past 3 months. I haven't felt like talking to anyone since starting school, whereas last year I would involve myself in my social group consistently (even if it was just showing up to lunch). I spend my lunch breaks wandering and sulking.
-My internal state is much more dark, heavy, and emotional than it used to be. All I can imagine is negative possibilities, and I'm incredibly bored by everything. It's almost frightening sometimes. There was one period where I would sit around all day and map out every single experience I've had, and attribute that to some sense of intrinsic worthlessness.
-At one point I feared that I was about to develop schizophrenia because my sleeping cycle was extremely messed up for a few weeks. I also became convinced that I wasn't born neurotypical because of certain 'patterns' I've noticed in my past behavior, mainly related to my social inadequacies, dependent personality and sloth. I was obsessed.
-My thoughts are much more intense and meaningful than they usually are. All I do is listen to depressing music and watch serial dramas while 'marveling' at how they portray the subtleties of human suffering and emotion. I've always appreciated and enjoyed that aspect of art, but now it's practically an obsession. I see tragedy and hopelessness and every word that comes out of a character's mouth. I cannot watch or listen to anything lighthearted.
-For a brief period I was worried my mother was developing alzheimers and began to envision how terrible my life would be without her.
-I can recall a period where watching tv 'frightened' me because it reminded me of the stagnancy and meaninglessness of the human experience.
-I can barely get myself to do anything productive.
-I often feel like I'm stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy.
-I'm highly critical of my own incompetence in every aspect of my exitence, and I've become hyper sensitive to the incompetence, stupidity, and lack of perceptiveness of others (although I don't normally vocalize it). I'm easily annoyed by anyone who reminds me of my own deficiency in some way. I measure myself up against an absurd standard of perfection constantly.
-At one point I became obsessed with my writing and knowledge of film, and would force myself to do nothing but watch multiple films a day and spend 2 hours of each day writing. I started to slack off after a while and dropped it.
-I've become much more hypervigilant of my behavior and general presentation. I carry myself with much more arrogance and self-importance in public than I usually do, and am incredibly judgmental of and bored by seemingly normal people. My thoughts and judgments have become much more pretentious and elitist. I'm much more close-minded.
What do you think? Throughout my life, I've had more inferior Te-esque reactions to stress; focusing on competency, lashing out at others, overcompensating, being angry at myself or the world, etc. However, this particular slump I'm going through is very unusual and lengthy, and makes me question my ISFP typing.