Am I Se-Dom?

[Stansmith]

As some of you might know, I've been going through a major funk for the past 3-4 months where I haven't been 'myself', but I'm not sure whether I'm in the grips of inferior Ni, or Te.

Inferior Ni

-I've become much more reclusive and quiet for the past 3 months. I haven't felt like talking to anyone since starting school, whereas last year I would involve myself in my social group consistently (even if it was just showing up to lunch). I spend my lunch breaks wandering and sulking.

-My internal state is much more dark, heavy, and emotional than it used to be. All I can imagine is negative possibilities, and I'm incredibly bored by everything. It's almost frightening sometimes. There was one period where I would sit around all day and map out every single experience I've had, and attribute that to some sense of intrinsic worthlessness.

-At one point I feared that I was about to develop schizophrenia because my sleeping cycle was extremely messed up for a few weeks. I also became convinced that I wasn't born neurotypical because of certain 'patterns' I've noticed in my past behavior, mainly related to my social inadequacies, dependent personality and sloth. I was obsessed.

-My thoughts are much more intense and meaningful than they usually are. All I do is listen to depressing music and watch serial dramas while 'marveling' at how they portray the subtleties of human suffering and emotion. I've always appreciated and enjoyed that aspect of art, but now it's practically an obsession. I see tragedy and hopelessness and every word that comes out of a character's mouth. I cannot watch or listen to anything lighthearted.

-For a brief period I was worried my mother was developing alzheimers and began to envision how terrible my life would be without her.

-I can recall a period where watching tv 'frightened' me because it reminded me of the stagnancy and meaninglessness of the human experience.

-I can barely get myself to do anything productive.

-I often feel like I'm stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Inferior Te

-I'm highly critical of my own incompetence in every aspect of my exitence, and I've become hyper sensitive to the incompetence, stupidity, and lack of perceptiveness of others (although I don't normally vocalize it). I'm easily annoyed by anyone who reminds me of my own deficiency in some way. I measure myself up against an absurd standard of perfection constantly.

-At one point I became obsessed with my writing and knowledge of film, and would force myself to do nothing but watch multiple films a day and spend 2 hours of each day writing. I started to slack off after a while and dropped it.

-I've become much more hypervigilant of my behavior and general presentation. I carry myself with much more arrogance and self-importance in public than I usually do, and am incredibly judgmental of and bored by seemingly normal people. My thoughts and judgments have become much more pretentious and elitist. I'm much more close-minded.


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What do you think? Throughout my life, I've had more inferior Te-esque reactions to stress; focusing on competency, lashing out at others, overcompensating, being angry at myself or the world, etc. However, this particular slump I'm going through is very unusual and lengthy, and makes me question my ISFP typing.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

First, is there anything you'd be able to connect to being in this "funk"? Any reasons underlying it, any major life changes, etc? Something that might have caused all this? (Don't share if you don't feel comfortable).

And with that, I'll give you some thoughts for you to chew on:

Inferior Ni

-I've become much more reclusive and quiet for the past 3 months. I haven't felt like talking to anyone since starting school, whereas last year I would involve myself in my social group consistently (even if it was just showing up to lunch). I spend my lunch breaks wandering and sulking.

This might be related to "other circumstances" listed above, but is there any reason you sulk? I mean, what do you sulk over, and did anything precipitate it? (Again, only if you feel comfortable). It sounds like an inferior introverted function, if anything.

-My internal state is much more dark, heavy, and emotional than it used to be. All I can imagine is negative possibilities, and I'm incredibly bored by everything. It's almost frightening sometimes. There was one period where I would sit around all day and map out every single experience I've had, and attribute that to some sense of intrinsic worthlessness.

-At one point I feared that I was about to develop schizophrenia because my sleeping cycle was extremely messed up for a few weeks. I also became convinced that I wasn't born neurotypical because of certain 'patterns' I've noticed in my past behavior, mainly related to my social inadequacies, dependent personality and sloth. I was obsessed.

What you mention about ruminating through your past sounds more Si to me. Even if you are finding "patterns", this doesn't rule out Ne, which also finds patterns. Actually, I frequently do the same, and I'm sure I'm no Ni-user.

-My thoughts are much more intense and meaningful than they usually are. All I do is listen to depressing music and watch serial dramas while 'marveling' at how they portray the subtleties of human suffering and emotion. I've always appreciated and enjoyed that aspect of art, but now it's practically an obsession. I see tragedy and hopelessness and every word that comes out of a character's mouth. I cannot watch or listen to anything lighthearted.

This sounds like it could be something more serious than an inferior function (not necessarily suggesting anything, of course, but this may be tied to other things than cognition, including simply other facets of your personality). It could indicate Ni-inf, though.

-For a brief period I was worried my mother was developing alzheimers and began to envision how terrible my life would be without her.

I think with Ni, it involves a sense of certainty--was it a worry, or were you totally convinced? Inferior Si can develop paranoias about the health of others, as well, and then Ne can start brooding over one or more future possibilities.

-I can recall a period where watching tv 'frightened' me because it reminded me of the stagnancy and meaninglessness of the human experience.

Could be bad Ni. Could also be negative imput from a latent 5-wing. Or something entirely different.

-I can barely get myself to do anything productive.

Lol, not type dependent!!

-I often feel like I'm stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Could be Ni.

Inferior Te

-I'm highly critical of my own incompetence in every aspect of my exitence, and I've become hyper sensitive to the incompetence, stupidity, and lack of perceptiveness of others (although I don't normally vocalize it). I'm easily annoyed by anyone who reminds me of my own deficiency in some way. I measure myself up against an absurd standard of perfection constantly.

-At one point I became obsessed with my writing and knowledge of film, and would force myself to do nothing but watch multiple films a day and spend 2 hours of each day writing. I started to slack off after a while and dropped it.

-I've become much more hypervigilant of my behavior and general presentation. I carry myself with much more arrogance and self-importance in public than I usually do, and am incredibly judgmental of and bored by seemingly normal people. My thoughts and judgments have become much more pretentious and elitist. I'm much more close-minded.

This sounds much more like I think of inferior Te as being.

What do you think? Throughout my life, I've had more inferior Te-esque reactions to stress; focusing on competency, lashing out at others, overcompensating, being angry at myself or the world, etc. However, this particular slump I'm going through is very unusual and lengthy, and makes me question my ISFP typing.

Well, if you're more identified with inferior Te, you're most likely an IFP. Sometimes people can go onto a self-perpetuating inferior-loop and not get off it for some time. I wouldn't necessarily change types over this incident, especially if it's highly unusual for you. I'd look at other factors that could be causing this downswing and rule them out first before trying to determine if any one function is going haywire here. And feel better soon!

Anyway, I know diddly about what I just told you, so take my words with a very large grain of salt. It's only intended as thought-food.

 

[Stansmith]

[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION]

First, is there anything you'd be able to connect to being in this "funk"? Any reasons underlying it, any major life changes, etc? Something that might have caused all this? (Don't share if you don't feel comfortable).

Summer vacation started, I became frustrated with my relationships and focused on developing my craft (writing) in solitude. I realized how much I sucked at it/didn't care for it and I just sulked in complete apathy for the rest of the summer. Also around May, I was really excited about and invested in going to a film workshop in LA for a month, but I couldn't get the funding for it. It sort of went downhill from then on.

Learning about my enneagram type contributed to it too, which made me feel like my life was incredibly predictable and mundane. I'd sit around thinking about all of the times I behaved like my enneagram type, piecing it all together, and eventually these memories (mainly from my early adolescence) started to haunt me and made me feel worthless. Even the most meaningless interactions from when I was 14 have meaning to me.

This might be related to "other circumstances" listed above, but is there any reason you sulk? I mean, what do you sulk over, and did anything precipitate it? (Again, only if you feel comfortable). It sounds like an inferior introverted function, if anything.

I sulk over my own imperfections, the incredible boredom I feel when outside of my comfort zone. Lately I've been in a fog where I don't really think about the past or the future much, but memories from my past do pop in little increments. If I have a bad interaction with someone or miss some opportunity, I'll usually sulk over that too.

What you mention about ruminating through your past sounds more Si to me. Even if you are finding "patterns", this doesn't rule out Ne, which also finds patterns. Actually, I frequently do the same, and I'm sure I'm no Ni-user.

There's more of an abstraction to my ruminations. If you've read my blog, they're very melodramatic and almost nonsensical. It's a very confusing state.

I think with Ni, it involves a sense of certainty--was it a worry, or were you totally convinced? Inferior Si can develop paranoias about the health of others, as well, and then Ne can start brooding over one or more future possibilities.

I was more plagued by the idea of it. I noticed something was 'off' and would observe her when she talked to me. I got over it quickly though.

Well, if you're more identified with inferior Te, you're most likely an IFP. Sometimes people can go onto a self-perpetuating inferior-loop and not get off it for some time. I wouldn't necessarily change types over this incident, especially if it's highly unusual for you. I'd look at other factors that could be causing this downswing and rule them out first before trying to determine if any one function is going haywire here. And feel better soon!

Thanks . This is how I'd describe some of my more embarassing inferior Te reactions in the past:

-I would lash out at a particular person who I felt wronged me, or annoyed me.

-I would become extremely blunt towards some of my loved ones, even telling them that I "hate" them.

-I'd become more career focused for brief periods and convince myself of these vague plans for future glory.



Although they're never lengthy or extremely destructive.

 

[Stansmith]

Normally when I'm stressed, I usually experience it as anger towards myself, and anger towards others for not having my problems, which eventually turns into sulking. Before I sulk, I'll often have moments where I'll rationalize my state by either coming up with seemingly 'productive' ideas for solving my problem ("I'm going to apply to 5 jobs everyday, and that's all I'll do.").

 

[Stansmith]

Negative ESFP traits that I can relate to throughout my life

May be seen by others as unnecessarily coarse in their behaviour and life choices.

May be unable to value or may ignore the preferences and needs of others.

May perceive even the most careful and objective criticism as simply a ploy to spoil their enjoyment of life.

May have skewed or unrealistic ideas about the feelings of others.

May be unable to acknowledge or hear anything that would lead to second thoughts or a more careful appreciation.

May blame their problems on the world at large, seeing themselves as frustrated heroes battling against the odds.

May become totally self-focused and oblivious to the havoc they wreak on others feelings.

May uncaringly use totally innapropriate social behavior simply to make a point.

May be overbearing in their judgements upon the taste and dress of others.

May come across to others as boastful and rash in their attitudes.

May rationalise the ways of the world in the most inane or simplistic ways.

May believe the most extraordinary things about inanimate objects and their workings.

May feel overwhelmed with tension and stress when driven into a situation which requires deep and careful consideration.

Under great stress, may feel the world around them is alive with dark, unseen influences.

Nagative ISFP traits

May be extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism
May be unable to see the opportunities inherent to a situation
May perceive criticism where none was intended
May have skewed or unrealistic ideas about reality
May be unable to acknowledge or hear anything that goes against their personal ideas and opinions
May blame their problems on other people, seeing themselves as victims who are treated unfairly
May have great anger, and show this anger with rash outpourings of bad temper
May be unaware of appropriate social behavior
May be oblivious to their personal appearance, or to appropriate dress (I was like this up until I was 16)
May come across as eccentric, or perhaps even generally strange to others, without being aware of it
May be unable to see or understand anyone else's point of view
May value their own opinions and feelings far above others
May be unaware of how their behavior affects others
May be oblivious to other people's need
May feel overwhelmed with tension and stress when someone expresses disagreement with the ISFP, or disapproval of the ISFP
May develop strong judgments that are difficult to unseed against people who they perceive have been oppressive or suppressive to them
Under great stress, may feel out of control and fearful, dwelling on the "dark side" of things

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The problem is, I feel like every ESFP description caters exclusively to 7s, 8s and cp6s.

 

[Stansmith]

My usual thought processes when entering a new environment where there's lot of action going on:

-What are these people like? Can I relate to them? Who do I see myself spending time with? What do they think about me? Most of them don't seem like my type. They seem to have bad taste. That person over there seems interesting.

-How do I feel about what's going on? what's the point? Why do people do this? I don't really like what those people are doing, I probably won't do it. This isn't really what I expected. That over there looks interesting, I might check it out.

 

[brainheart]

My usual thought processes when entering a new environment where there's lot of action going on:

-What are these people like? Can I relate to them? Who do I see myself spending time with? What do they think about me? Most of them don't seem like my type. They seem to have bad taste. That person over there seems interesting.

-How do I feel about what's going on? what's the point? Why do people do this? I don't really like what those people are doing, I probably won't do it. This isn't really what I expected. That over there looks interesting, I might check it out.

Most of this is more social instinct than anything.

It's tricky for me because my ESFP husband is also a 6w7 so/sx so there is a lot in you that reminds me of him and it can be difficult to separate that into etype vs MBTI type. That said, you seem more Fi than Se to me, because you do get stuck in more of an inner state for what seems to be longer periods of time, and turning inward doesn't seem to frighten you all that much.

Se doms always feel this need to do things, ime. When they aren't doing they feel restless and like they are failing in some way. There is no chilling with a Se dom. Using Fi for balance can feel a little scary to them. I think they can be pretty good at, over rely on Te, by contrast- especially when they are a head type. Ni seems kind of immature and childlike in them- that's my experience, anyway- this sort of fear of the inconcrete and mystical, but this also sort of blind trust in it.

As a Fi dom married to a Se dom, I'm always reminding him to use his Fi. He'll get swept away in Se and Te, it seems, and I'll stop and say, "Well, but how do you feel about it? What matters to you?"

And I just don't see that tendency in you. Meanwhile, my ISFP kid is way more internally focused and far more philosophical. He draws lots of very Ni-like pictures and definitely has a vivid inner world. He's physically active but he only does what he wants to do. He also has an incredibly strong inner morality that has been rock-solid since he was very young. But he is also decidedly social last which alters things a bit.

You are also quite sensitive, which is definitely more of an ISFP trait. ESFPs brush things off more easily.

 

[Stansmith]

Most of this is more social instinct than anything.

It's tricky for me because my ESFP husband is also a 6w7 so/sx so there is a lot in you that reminds me of him and it can be difficult to separate that into etype vs MBTI type. That said, you seem more Fi than Se to me, because you do get stuck in more of an inner state for what seems to be longer periods of time, and turning inward doesn't seem to frighten you all that much.

Se doms always feel this need to do things, ime. When they aren't doing they feel restless and like they are failing in some way. There is no chilling with a Se dom. Using Fi for balance can feel a little scary to them. I think they can be pretty good at, over rely on Te, by contrast- especially when they are a head type. Ni seems kind of immature and childlike in them- that's my experience, anyway- this sort of fear of the inconcrete and mystical, but this also sort of blind trust in it.

As a Fi dom married to a Se dom, I'm always reminding him to use his Fi. He'll get swept away in Se and Te, it seems, and I'll stop and say, "Well, but how do you feel about it? What matters to you?"

And I just don't see that tendency in you. Meanwhile, my ISFP kid is way more internally focused and far more philosophical. He draws lots of very Ni-like pictures and definitely has a vivid inner world. He's physically active but he only does what he wants to do. He also has an incredibly strong inner morality that has been rock-solid since he was very young. But he is also decidedly social last which alters things a bit.

You are also quite sensitive, which is definitely more of an ISFP trait. ESFPs brush things off more easily.

I'm in a Fi state of mind more often than not, but it's not necessarily 'comfortable'. It's a habit. I've tried to escape it through interaction with others, but I'm always sort of stuck in that space.

When I'm with someone I like, I feel like I can just sit still and focus on the connection rather than feeling an urge to move. I tend to take Se in passively; I enjoy and think about what I'm currently seeing without feeling an urge to move somewhere else. Sometimes I can just blank out completely and sit with my thoughts contentedly.

However, I did have a period when I was around 16 where I stayed a few months with my cousins on vacation in my parents' home country (didn't have any sort of internet access), and I was obsessed with getting stimulation. I wanted to go places constantly and couldn't stand being alone, stuck in one place. l was still somewhat shy, anxious and reserved most of the time, but I still desired a lot of extraverted stimulation. When I did have access to a computer, I preferred to be alone.

 

[Stansmith]

I seem to be slowly getting out of the rut based on my energy levels, and my mind is just blank. All the 'symptoms' I described in the OP are pretty much gone. I feel like a sponge that's just taking things in mindlessly. It's pretty a boring state to be in.