My best friend is an ESFJ. And as much as INTPs are seen as alienated I think we bonded over her also feeling that way. Of course it's less apparent because she does tend, publicly, to always wear a smile. She's accommodating with outsiders. Because she is so traditional is a field (art) where hipsters dominate she feels like an outcast. Even in broader society her being more interested in traditonal homemaking and religion leaves her feeling misunderstood. She often express frustration about not seeing the "real" version of a person. It's very much the idea that their is a public and private face. She's very funny and also good from overly introverted ruminating types (INFP husband and me) because she draws put attention back to the outside world and practical matters. She can be more abstract but she doesn't enjoy it, and general stays out of heat discussions about things that we can't change or have no practical application. This can also be frustrating though because she does hve the tendency to exaggerate her personality. That is in retaliation to people she disagrees with, rather than finding middle ground, she will go even more to the extreme of her side even if her true opinions are more
Moderate. So if she is pulled into abstract discussions (or even pragmati ones) shell often say outlandishly dogmatic and dismissive things.
Also in private while she is more fun and interesting and complex she is also more
Controlling. She has a great tendency to see things as a power struggle, good vs evil. She tries to do the right things, which is generally the traditional things, and wants the people in her life to do the same. She'll say stuff like "now that I married" or "now that I'm an adult I have to do XYZ". Very tight ideas about what is appropriate. But generally her standards are higher for herself than anyone else and she doesn't expect people to do what she is unwilling too. But that can be horrifying to moral NTs or any NFs because she "gets" just doing things for the money, stealing, and general fraud if it gets you ahead. In one of her more exaggerate and hyper pragmatic moods she said if she didn't beilieve in god she would care about morality. Also I think she has weak ti and a disinterest in developing it, so while she does have logic for why she beilieved what she beilieved she is incapable of playing devils advocate or even entertaining other perspectives. I guess in a way we share the belief in absolute truth but her support of is very much sort an emotional forceful belief. He can prove it but he knows it.
All and all I lover her very much. I think people to often see her standards for herself as her standard for the world and feel judged and get offended. In her case specifically because she has the smiling face people don't know how to say "no" to her and get resentful. She is bossy but does it so subtlety that you can't just say "stop being bossy". I found that being direct is best though. Because she doesn't compromise any attempt you Make to compromise leads to a long drawn out bleeding where she gets her way, and is never forceful but you feel forced. You have just cut it off at the start and generally then she'll back
And also she geniunely does care. I read this about ENFJ but it think it's true of her too: she is putting on a face, a display, hiding things but it's not because she's fake. It's because she genuinely wants people to be comfortable And happy.