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  1. #51
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    maybe not quite this bad, but, embarrassing as it is, i do this. it motivates me to actually talk at work and get a feel for others and where they are at. that it is in tension with another motivation, to test my ideas, is clear, but something i try to balance when i have the opportunity to have more grounded relationships with other people. i'm still working on my not-overstepping rules, or my consider so a little bit when your sx impatience to make something valuable for yourself sparks check point.
    Funnily enough, that snippet of the conversation is actually rather baseline for our friendship... we have had much more intense conversations. I engage it because that is what he craves and has become a good friend of mine but for most other people, I would give them a mental "fuck off". Even with the friend, it feels like being put into a pressure cooker though.

  2. #52
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    Funnily enough, that snippet of the conversation is actually rather baseline for our friendship... we have had much more intense conversations. I engage it because that is what he craves and has become a good friend of mine but for most other people, I would give them a mental "fuck off". Even with the friend, it feels like being put into a pressure cooker though.
    i do think the right to remain silent is inviolable. it is nice of you to recognize that he craves it and try to work with it even if he doesn't always recognize that the reason, the motivation for why he's doing it, is because of himself rather than because of you.

  3. #53
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post

    as a 5, i know how invasive it feels to have someone see into you when you don't know what is there, because you're not at that moment super connected to what you yourself feel.
    Bingo. It's invasive. I don't feel as though it was better for me to talk about what was on my mind.

    I mean, I couldn't even do it. I stumbled over the words and just sort of freaked out. I could only tell them what was going on through texts after he fact. I saw them looking upset and hurt, and I just found myself frozen up and broken down.

    I don't believe it when people say they don't mind what I say. I don't feel liberated or calmed by someone demanding, in a way, that I share. I feel like I'm placed on a stage. I know I can't express the raw emotions, because that's too thoughtless. And often times, people will say they don't care if my response is negative, but I can sense resentment bubbling under the surface.

    If the feelings I express will be unacceptable to someone, I'd rather say nothing, until such time as they become more of an intellectual phenomenon, the acceptance or rejection thereof becoming less relevant.

    I don't owe people who aren't part of my inner circle an expression of my feelings when all I'm doing is having them. If I'm acting on them, then yes, it is relevant. If I'm frowning about something, no, I don't need to explain that to you. If I'm "not having a good day" and generally staying out of someone's way, I don't need to divulge to someone who won't actually give a damn.

    All I feel from someone prying into facial expressions or body language like that is that I need to learn some acting skills so that people can leave me to my own devices and not make me more upset by interfering.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

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  4. #54
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Also, I should point out at this point that she said something like, "If you don't want to be here, you can just leave, it's fine."

    I got up, and then she called out "I'm worried about you."

    Immediately I sat back down, I couldn't help it.

    I don't know what she was doing, but this isn't a conversation I have with someone I just met, and it's not as big of a deal as it seems, anyway.

    The situation is like this.. .I want to leave, but I can't, because it would be rude, and (before she started asking about my feelings) because maybe things will turn around. She says.... you can leave if you want to, but then says "wait, I'm worried about you.' Now, I don't only feel naked and uncomfortable, I feel guilty. Because she's concerned about me, and I'm trying to not get involved here. I can't have an "I'm worried about you" conversation without getting emotionally attached. How the hell does that help me walk away from the situation like I know that I need to? I decided I didn't want to date you, remember? That means I don't want to share things with you.

    Folks, that's as awkward as anything I've done.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

    Visit my Johari:
    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Birddude78

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