If this is going to become a Fe v. Fi thing, I'd say the important "Fe factor" here is that Fe is inferior and as such, is causing stress. A Fe user more adept than us ITP souls would be far more likely to handle an emitted emotion "appropriately" and to be honest, good for your date for calling you out on your inauthenticity. Ti and Fi are not all that different from a process standpoint, and if Ti is adept at sniffing out inconsistency in systems and thinking then Fi can be equally such at detecting inconsistency in feeling and its expression.
I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the "laying it all out on the table" approach as being incompatible with your needs. ITPs complain endlessly about the inauthenticity of culture and everyday interaction, and here you are, perpetuating that inauthenticity by being accomodating. It may be "polite" in some sense, and it's easy to lie to yourself and say you're "saving them from unpleasantness" but you're really just saving yourself from the unpleasantness of dealing with an emotional situation. I've done the same thing before, it sucks for everybody involved, and we're really not fooling anybody. I've found that when I think I'm being stealthy in hiding my emotional disposition, to F users I might as well be a collapsing star jettisoning my atmosphere of stress. When things are "put out there," the immediate reaction is certainly ohshitohshitohshit, as we tend to think the tools we have for dealing with such a situation are shit, but it addresses the problem immediately and I think you'll ultimately feel better. And if all blows up in your face, well, it's better to be a blunt and honest asshole than a shady, inauthentic one.
TLDR take your medicine, it tastes bad but it's good for you.