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  1. #361
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    As a Fe user I'm offended when somebody doesn't have any manners and when they just say what they think (in a tactless way), especially if I don't know them (if I know them and know that their heart is in the right place I can forgive them for being a bit blunt etc). I feel like they aren't trying to be a part of the social group and don't care about how they are making other people feel. I am offended when someone appears to not be making any effort. The kind of things I say are intended to make everyone feel included and when someone isn't really making that effort it really winds me up. At work they are hostile towards new people or completely indifferent whereas I go the extra mile to make them feel part of the group and sometimes I feel like scolding my co-workers "how would you feel? you were new once? give them a chance" etc. I didn't realise I felt this way until I started studying the functions and I have noticed these feelings are more prevalent when I am with my ENFJ mom or with other fe users, especially fe doms. On the flip side, I suppose my behaviour and communication could be annoying...in fact I'm sure it is...as I sugar coat things and I don't say what I mean. I modify my behaviour to what I feel is appropriate and Fi users, such as my ENFP sister, find this really annoying as I am being inauthentic. She is troubled that I am not troubled that I am being inauthentic (genuinely not bothered most of the time. If it makes other people happy and social interaction run more smoothly I will happily and often times automatically do it). She will say things like "you don't normally say that/you don't normally act like this." As I mentioned about manners, I am extremely polite...maybe too much. I'm always saying sorry or thank you LOL. When someone else doesn't say thank you or sorry when I think they perhaps should I get a little twinge of a feeling that I don't quite understand...dunno what to call it...let's call it uptight bitch :p It's probably disapproval or disappointment. I dunno. I don't show this outwardly of course...that would be impolite :p I'm also secretly offended when people are indifferent to me when I am really trying. Like purposely giving one word answers. PLEASE LOVE ME. PLEASE TALK TO ME. PLEASE.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  2. #362
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Inferior Fi user here. Unless you know me well, don't ever give me unsolicited advice or try to play the social dominance game. I will either burn or freeze you alive.

  3. #363
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    As an Fi user I dont know how to play the social politeness game so it annoys me when I am judged for simply lacking the skill or understanding. That to me is an unfair judgement. Its not like I havent tried to develop it. Fe users make useless teachers because they are so fake, all the time. I have no idea which side of them is the real them, all I see is someone backstabbing one person one minute then playing that same persons best friend the next. They have the audacity to then judge me...

    I cant stand it when they say a lot and mean absolutely nothing by it. Mincing words for the sake of some trivial politeness. I feel like, Did you just waste 2mins of my time talking fluff? So you have no point? This is just to make you look like the good guy?.

    I dont enjoy being included in the group out of some bizarre need for social pc-ness. If you dont like me, dont act like you do. It makes me think you are some kind of machiavelian with an agenda. I can tell you are being fake, it insults my intelligence that you think this is an okay behaviour. If you have something to say, say it, and while you're at it, mean what you say.

    Personally its exhausting to read between the lines constantly, to try and pinpoint some floating and nebulous context that only you and people privy to the freemason's handshake understand. Its just plain rude to be conversing with people while running some secret sub-conversation between you and your Fe buddies in the room. Its a lot like migrants working in your country having conversations in their own language in front of you knowing full well you dont speak it.

    I just came back from spending three days with an Fe user. It was sheer hell. You never know what this person stands for or who he really likes or not. Spends everyday bitching about so and so, then so and so turns up and they go to dinner together. Makes me feel like I cant trust this person at all. Afterall if he's just bitched to me about that person I can be reasonably certain he's bitching to everyone else about me.

    I value authenticity and consistency and Fe users appear to my eyes to be the exact opposite. They claim to care so much about others and how they feel and yet I always feel like absolute rubbish around them. I would much rather spend time with someone whom even shows their dislike for me but does so in a consistent basis. At least then I know where I stand and can work effectively that. Fe users also demand too much of me. If I dont want to be social they should respect that instead of expecting me to put aside my needs in favour of their own, especially in contexts where I know my presence is not desirable and I add nothing to the group in question. I'm a live and let live person. If you want to huddle around the water cooler and gossip, go ahead, just dont require my participation in such things. I'm no good at it and you will resent my intrusion into your cosy little group anyway.

  4. #364
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nihilogen View Post
    Fi

    What I hate about Fe:


    When someone says "Do you wanna go to bed?" or "Do you wanna shovel the walk?" and they really mean "Go to bed" and "Shovel the walk." Don't sugar-coat it! Are you asking me if I wanna do these things, or are you telling me to do them? Sheez.
    I hate this too, and I use Fe.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  5. #365
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    "It's for your own good."

    Any sentence with "...you should..." in it.

    Dismissals of others when it's clear that what you think matters to their own self-view and to change/build their world image a little bit would have taken you 30 seconds, tops, pisses me off. I see parents do this with kids a lot. Lovers too, sadly.
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  6. #366
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Does anyone have any solution for the issue wrt to networking?

    Being online is great and all, as is having friends, but especially with Fe-users, I feel non-stop like they *expect* me to instantly drop everything and respond to their IM, email, Skype or whatever it is they are using. Meanwhile, that kind of imposition on my schedule makes me rebel and procrastinate like mad.

    And while I get that this is how Fe-users so masterfully manage to keep a group close together and invoke that awesome togetherness that they vibe out - and it is something they apparently consider normal and *need - I already struggle enough in sticking to a schedule without non-stop interruptions that come with their own deadlines. It just...makes me resentful and I end up pushing them away, or being completely exhausted in trying to keep up with the demands. Yes, demands - work that Im not even being paid for. It feels like I'm stuck on this leash that they can yank me on at any given moment that pleases *them* and I'm to respond coz that's what you do

    Cat vs dog, I suppose *sigh*

    It's the one thing I cannot find a middle ground for - anyone figured this one out yet?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  7. #367
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Does anyone have any solution for the issue wrt to networking?

    Being online is great and all, as is having friends, but especially with Fe-users, I feel non-stop like they *expect* me to instantly drop everything and respond to their IM, email, Skype or whatever it is they are using. Meanwhile, that kind of imposition on my schedule makes me rebel and procrastinate like mad.

    And while I get that this is how Fe-users so masterfully manage to keep a group close together and invoke that awesome togetherness that they vibe out - and it is something they apparently consider normal and *need - I already struggle enough in sticking to a schedule without non-stop interruptions that come with their own deadlines. It just...makes me resentful and I end up pushing them away, or being completely exhausted in trying to keep up with the demands. Yes, demands - work that Im not even being paid for. It feels like I'm stuck on this leash that they can yank me on at any given moment that pleases *them* and I'm to respond coz that's what you do

    Cat vs dog, I suppose *sigh*

    It's the one thing I cannot find a middle ground for - anyone figured this one out yet?
    Oh, god, that sounds like a raging Fe dom. I deal with it by logic (surprise). I tell myself that for all they know, I'm doing something, in the bathroom, haven't been near my comp, etc. so it's okay to take my time. A lot of times, it's just the false sense of what is expected of you that you imagine. Or that's the thought that works for me. Unless they come out and say they're desperate (like hanging by one hand on a ledge) then I take my time and assume they're busy with something else too.
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  8. #368
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Does anyone have any solution for the issue wrt to networking?

    Being online is great and all, as is having friends, but especially with Fe-users, I feel non-stop like they *expect* me to instantly drop everything and respond to their IM, email, Skype or whatever it is they are using. Meanwhile, that kind of imposition on my schedule makes me rebel and procrastinate like mad.

    And while I get that this is how Fe-users so masterfully manage to keep a group close together and invoke that awesome togetherness that they vibe out - and it is something they apparently consider normal and *need - I already struggle enough in sticking to a schedule without non-stop interruptions that come with their own deadlines. It just...makes me resentful and I end up pushing them away, or being completely exhausted in trying to keep up with the demands. Yes, demands - work that Im not even being paid for. It feels like I'm stuck on this leash that they can yank me on at any given moment that pleases *them* and I'm to respond coz that's what you do

    Cat vs dog, I suppose *sigh*

    It's the one thing I cannot find a middle ground for - anyone figured this one out yet?
    If that's Fe then I'm with Fi on this one. I suck at all this keeping in touch thing. It stresses me out when something is expected of me.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  9. #369
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Does anyone have any solution for the issue wrt to networking?

    Being online is great and all, as is having friends, but especially with Fe-users, I feel non-stop like they *expect* me to instantly drop everything and respond to their IM, email, Skype or whatever it is they are using. Meanwhile, that kind of imposition on my schedule makes me rebel and procrastinate like mad.

    And while I get that this is how Fe-users so masterfully manage to keep a group close together and invoke that awesome togetherness that they vibe out - and it is something they apparently consider normal and *need - I already struggle enough in sticking to a schedule without non-stop interruptions that come with their own deadlines. It just...makes me resentful and I end up pushing them away, or being completely exhausted in trying to keep up with the demands. Yes, demands - work that Im not even being paid for. It feels like I'm stuck on this leash that they can yank me on at any given moment that pleases *them* and I'm to respond coz that's what you do

    Cat vs dog, I suppose *sigh*

    It's the one thing I cannot find a middle ground for - anyone figured this one out yet?
    Whoa! All this for an imaginary expectation ?? You said you feel this is the case. Doesn't make it so. If I was excited and didn't get your response right away, I'm not gonna slit my wrists over it. Geez! I think your valuing yourself here more than what is most likely the case. Fe users are expressive. It's not a sticky web to leash you. Your making it worse than it is by ruminating in your emotions. And THIS is why Fi users frustrate me. You guys can be so awesome but sometimes it's like, whoaaaa take it easy there. This post was crazy!! lol! Not to mention that it's probably more applicable for extraverts vs. Fe.

    And here I'm communicating what I think of the post. Not you as a person. Please I'm hoping you'll separate that. Another major problem area I often have with Fi users. It's like walking on eggshells never able to discuss things objectively. Cat vs Dog I guess. It's a mystery I'll never quite understand.
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  10. #370
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NK258 View Post
    Whoa! All this for an imaginary expectation ?? You said you feel this is the case. Doesn't make it so. If I was excited and didn't get your response right away, I'm not gonna slit my wrists over it. Geez! I think your valuing yourself here more than what is most likely the case. Fe users are expressive. It's not a sticky web to leash you. Your making it worse than it is by ruminating in your emotions. And THIS is why Fi users frustrate me. You guys can be so awesome but sometimes it's like, whoaaaa take it easy there. This post was crazy!! lol! Not to mention that it's probably more applicable for extraverts vs. Fe.

    And here I'm communicating what I think of the post. Not you as a person. Please I'm hoping you'll separate that. Another major problem area I often have with Fi users. It's like walking on eggshells never able to discuss things objectively. Cat vs Dog I guess. It's a mystery I'll never quite understand.
    To me it looks like your post is just as crazy, I suppose.

    I asked for honest advice about something that has been bothering me - and yes, i let my frustration about this situation bleed through. The perceived expectations part is a fair point, but that perception got there for a reason: I've been slammed my entire life by people coz they felt I owed them an answer. Coz guess what happens when I do not reply to certain people? Exaclty, I get 2 more messages, with guilt tripping and 'why don't you like me anymore' and 'it is bad manners not to reply within a proper amount of time!'
    The fact that that proper amount of time is something that seems to vary with each person and is completely arbitrary seems to be an issue only I struggle with somehow, or that is how it gets communicated.

    So someone enlighten me. What is the standard for 'proper amount of time lapsed' at which point you get to demand an answer? Coz people seem to think such a thing exists and have no qualms making that clear to you. And all it does is make me wanna ignore them that much more
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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