i live abroad, so sometimes my family visits me, sometimes i visit them. a couple of years ago it was my birthday and my parents and sister to come and visit. my sister (probable ISFJ) decided to come with a friend a day early, so they could see more of the city, and they were staying in my house for that night.
i was so excited to show my city to my sister. the day before, i send her a couple of emails with information on major sight-seeing spots and proposed to meet them at 7 for aperitif. it bothered me a bit that she was coming with a friend, because i wanted to spend quality-time with my sister, but it was ok, i thought we could all be happy.
they agree on meeting for aperitif. so on the day of their arrival, i tried to be fast at work and ended up leaving early, at 6.30. i sent her an sms saying i'd meet her in the centre of the city. but she replied that they were about to be back to my house and would arrive in 30min/1hour.
this was ok for me. so i dashed to the supermarket and got stuff to cook. i prepared them a lovely dish and i was all proud and happy to see them. but they didn't come. and they didn't come. and they didn't come. they eventually arrived at 10.30 pm. i was hungry waiting for them, tired from my working day, and frustrated that i spent my free evening doing nothing, waiting at home instead of going out with friends or so.
when they arrived, they didn't excuse themselves, nor offer justification. just went for the food and ate all (and said it was good). i felt hurt. and i showed them i was annoyed. still, i think i treated them well. i made sure they had comfortable sleeping arrangements, and they spent a good night.
its now been two years. i was talking with my ENFJ mother and ISFJ sister. they usually gang up on me. my mother was suggesting to my sister that she spend new years with me. my sister replied (totally out of the blue, because we've been in cordial mood lately and i've done nothing to hurt her): "as if it would be funny to spend newsyears with pinkgraffiti". my answer "excuse me? i think i treated you kindly when you came to my house? i opened the doors of my home. instead, you were rude. you made me wait 4 hours for you".
unexpectedly, my mother and sister ganged up on me (as they always do). my mum said i was being "mean". my sister said i was "impolite". and the day after, my sister was still angry about this.
and i don't understand. if i was the one that was offended, then why can't i tell them how i feel and why should she feel offended??
second example: i was applying to jobs as a researcher. i contacted one group leader and we applied for grant applications. he asked me not to apply for jobs with anyone else. i respected this for one year, and for one year we applied to grants and we failed all of them. so after 1 year i told him i was going to contact other groups. and he gave me his blessing. i still had one application pending with him.
ok, all fine. so i contact a new group. we apply for grants. 6 months later we receive a grant. i accept the position, and we're happy.
at the same time, the 1st group leader tells me we've won that pending grant application. i tell him i've just accepted a position somewhere else, and that i'm sorry but i will have to decline. he gets angry. i don't get it: he'd told me to search for other groups...
he contacts the other group. the other group (ENFJ boss) feels put in an awkward position. and tells me i should have told her about the 1st job application. and that i should apologise to 1st boss for not telling him about her, and apologise to her for not telling her about 1st boss.
i did all she asked. because she's my boss. but why did i have to tell them about the other job application? it doesn't seem very professional to me?