Extroverts, how often do you need time to yourself?

[Honor]

It depends on the company. I could be around my ESFJ bestie for 3 days straight and other people for 10 minutes max. I need time to relax if I've gone to some sort of social outing I'm not particularly interested in but if we do things that are actually stimulating for me then I can definitely keep going. It's kind of a struggle actually because conversations with other friends soon turn out like this:

Me: I'm bored.
Friend: Let's do ____!
Me: Ehh, I don't wanna.
Friend: Well you're bored and wanna do something, right?
Me: But I don't want to do that.

I hate when people try to force me to do things I don't want to do (well...most people do lol) and it just makes me wanna spend more time to myself. I think why I can spend a lot of time with my ESFJ friend is because she's flexible - sometimes she'll do things I want to do and then other times the things she wants to do are really interesting and fun for me. And of course she enjoys the time as well. I actually consider myself to be flexible too, I just lose interest easily. And being forced or having to be convinced to do something just makes it happen faster.

Super interesting, I hear the phrase "I lose interest easily" from a lot of ENFPs.

 

[Stansmith]

More and more as I get older. I can relate to what [MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION] said about needing to get out of stagnate-feeling situations where I feel unfulfilled by the conversation or people there. That makes me crave intimate and deep conversation or research usually. If I feel that I don't have a choice in what I do in a certain setting, I usually want to get out and be on my own. I have a tendency to wander off by myself when I'm out places with groups of people. A little personal adventure is often exactly what I need, and then I'm ready to rejoin for a while.

A lot of time, I'll go go go and then my mind kind of demands down time. I do a lot of reflecting and deep thinking, and can kind of get stuck there if I've neglected my need for it for too long. I wound up depressed because of that a few years ago, and have since tried to build quiet reflection time into my life so that I don't wind up desperate for it.

Could be an ENFP + So/Sx thing

 

[Glycerine]

I average 6+ hours a day (of alone time) for people who I have to keep up a facade around. For those people I really like, I probably like at least 2 hours a day to keep my sanity or I blow up after a week. Saying that, I get in a depressed mood if I go a day or more without interacting with people/ the outside world.

I need time to process things/decompress but not too much because I will get depressive.

 

[ballygowan]

Personally, I need a lot of time to myself even though I'm an extrovert. But the thing is, I never ever actually want to feel that I'm completely alone; I need to have my windows open or something, or at least have a conversation with one of my friends on the phone. So yeah. I need some kind of human interaction every day, but it doesn't need to be physical. But if I'm alone too much without the physical interaction, I start to feel very anxious and very tired and very stressed out. I guess I can go like 1-2 days without any kind of interaction, and probably like 4 days with just phone calls etc etc, and on the 4th day I will be kind of anxious and just ready to meet tons of people.

 

[Vilku]

only when i get extremely frustrated when i realize that conversing with someone isnt leading anywhere. (and its too frustrating to figure out what is wrong.. so i just get all angry inside my head and dont show it.)
or when im exhausted from doing sp things, such as chores.

 

[skylights]

Under what circumstances do you not want any more interaction? How often, if ever, do you withdraw to recharge? If you never tire of people that you like, then what about people who are unpleasant or who don't understand you?

Probably every few days I need a little time, maybe half an hour or so at least, to myself. There are certain people - my mom, dad, brother, boyfriend - that don't make me feel like I need to recharge at all. Most other interaction I do need time away from, if only to recenter myself. For me it's less about being around unpleasant people and more about needing some time to be able to prioritize my needs, because I'm generally inclined to prioritize others' needs first (it usually takes less energy for me to help someone else than to do my own thing). Like others have mentioned, I like to be around people even when I'm having my down time. Right now my boyfriend is across the room playing video games and that works fine for me.

The only time I really like to be totally alone is in the early morning, which I've always considered sort of a sacred quiet time, and I tend to get irritated with anyone breaking my early morning peace! I also like to experience nature alone - quasi-spiritual natural experiences like the Northern Lights, sunrise or set, meteor showers, snow at midnight, etc. Someone else can be along with me only if they are quiet and reverent of it, too.

As for high-stress interaction where I have to be really "on" - around high-status people, or new people in a context where there is no set structure for interaction - I can do a few hours happily or a couple of days at most but then I want a big chunk of down time. At work where there is a set structure for what my role is and their role is then it's generally easy and pleasing, though I still am eager to come home to my comfortable, familiar loved ones at the end of the day.

Saying that, I get in a depressed mood if I go a day or more without interacting with people/ the outside world.

Me too. Once I was in a foreign country with a reclusive flatmate and no internet access for two weeks. I ended up walking an hour to downtown every day just to use the internet cafe and interact with cashiers. I felt myself shrivel inside.

 

[EJCC]

Regardless of who I'm around, I find that I need a set period of "me time" per day -- meaning, time where other people aren't trying to make me do things, where I'm the one initiating the interpersonal contact (if I have any). It's definitely about recharging, but I think it's also about re-establishing independence, in a way. Too much time around people can make me feel trapped. Depending on how drained I am, that "me time" can be anywhere from ten minutes to two and a half hours.

This is the case with literally everyone -- from my closest friends and family, to acquaintances. And it's the reason why I have so many introvert friends: They decide when they need alone time, and I use that as an opportunity to have me time/time to do whatever I want, without external obligation.

Too much alone time, though... Same as [MENTION=5109]Glycerine[/MENTION]. I feel sluggish and emotionally and physically drained.

Edit: I'm horrible at estimating this sort of thing; usually either the "me time" shows up naturally by virtue of all my introvert friends, or I force myself to have it whenever I start feeling cranky and restless. But the estimate I gave earlier in the post could easily be total BS. I'm sp-last, I have no idea what I need.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

I like having a couple of hours to myself usually more or less once a week. This usually happens sunday morning and i take that time to listen to music or find new music etc. It helps me process all the stuff that happened during the week and find my own center.

 

[Azure Flame]

When I eat, I usually find some place quiet and meditate. I also commute a total of an an hour and a half a day which is usually spent talking to myself. I usually have to remind myself to spend time alone. Usually my weekdays are so busy I end up spending all weekend alone playing minecraft with my parietal lobe and thinking about other things directly. If I don't get some sort of time to sort through all the stuff that happened that week, my brain starts to overheat and I turn into a crazy person.

 

[Society]

i can socialize for hours (and in a few cases days) upon end - but on a regular basis, i realized the other day that a big part of why am emotionally attached to my smoking habits is the need to take a break from everything (people included) every now and then and go outside - this is part of why i quite often prefer taking breaks away from the smoking lounge (not always but sometimes).

so i suppose on average i like 10 minutes breaks every 3 hours or so.

 

[skylights]

And it's the reason why I have so many introvert friends: They decide when they need alone time, and I use that as an opportunity to have me time/time to do whatever I want, without external obligation [...] Edit: I'm horrible at estimating this sort of thing; usually either the "me time" shows up naturally by virtue of all my introvert friends [...] I'm sp-last, I have no idea what I need.

Yes! Having introverts in one's close circles is great for this!!

 

[Honor]

Probably every few days I need a little time, maybe half an hour or so at least, to myself. There are certain people - my mom, dad, brother, boyfriend - that don't make me feel like I need to recharge at all. Most other interaction I do need time away from, if only to recenter myself. For me it's less about being around unpleasant people and more about needing some time to be able to prioritize my needs, because I'm generally inclined to prioritize others' needs first (it usually takes less energy for me to help someone else than to do my own thing). Like others have mentioned, I like to be around people even when I'm having my down time. Right now my boyfriend is across the room playing video games and that works fine for me.

The only time I really like to be totally alone is in the early morning, which I've always considered sort of a sacred quiet time, and I tend to get irritated with anyone breaking my early morning peace! I also like to experience nature alone - quasi-spiritual natural experiences like the Northern Lights, sunrise or set, meteor showers, snow at midnight, etc. Someone else can be along with me only if they are quiet and reverent of it, too.

As for high-stress interaction where I have to be really "on" - around high-status people, or new people in a context where there is no set structure for interaction - I can do a few hours happily or a couple of days at most but then I want a big chunk of down time. At work where there is a set structure for what my role is and their role is then it's generally easy and pleasing, though I still am eager to come home to my comfortable, familiar loved ones at the end of the day.

Me too. Once I was in a foreign country with a reclusive flatmate and no internet access for two weeks. I ended up walking an hour to downtown every day just to use the internet cafe and interact with cashiers. I felt myself shrivel inside.

skylights, when I read your posts, they resonate with me so much sometimes that I feel like I'm reading something I might have written. I was once living by myself in a new city, and I would walk an hour downtown just to study at the library so there would be other people around. That was a rough time.

 

[Honor]

I like having a couple of hours to myself usually more or less once a week. This usually happens sunday morning and i take that time to listen to music or find new music etc. It helps me process all the stuff that happened during the week and find my own center.

Wow, a couple hours a week? Not a whole lot. But I imagine you as very social in real life, so I guess I was right on the money.

 

[five sounds]

[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] Yes. Sacred morning time! I also consider time with my husband or close friends as down time and feel less drained by helping others than taking care of my stuff. I'm pretty new here, and I can't get over how incredibly validating it is to read what some of you write.

 

[Honor]

When I eat, I usually find some place quiet and meditate. I also commute a total of an an hour and a half a day which is usually spent talking to myself. I usually have to remind myself to spend time alone. Usually my weekdays are so busy I end up spending all weekend alone playing minecraft with my parietal lobe and thinking about other things directly. If I don't get some sort of time to sort through all the stuff that happened that week, my brain starts to overheat and I turn into a crazy person.

Do you literally talk to yourself while you commute? And by that, I assume you mean you drive?

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Most of my time is for myself.

This year, I've spent 70% of my total waking time totally alone.
10%, with one other.
10% in some public place, in transit, not really "with anyone" but practically alone, if physically surrounded by people.
10% of my time has been spent activly mingling with many people.

--
Ok, so not every year I live is filled with remote work. So..
For a usual year, it's 10% alone,
60% with others, not focusing on them,
10% with others, focusing on them,
10% time thinking it's a social event or something to that effect, mingling with a lot of people
and 10% spent with just 1 person.

 

[Honor]

Most of my time is for myself.

This year, I've spent 70% of my total waking time totally alone.
10%, with one other.
10% in some public place, in transit, not really "with anyone" but practically alone, if physically surrounded by people.
10% of my time has been spent activly mingling with many people.

--
Ok, so not every year I live is filled with remote work. So..
For a usual year, it's 10% alone,
60% with others, not focusing on them,
10% with others, focusing on them,
10% time thinking it's a social event or something to that effect, mingling with a lot of people
and 10% spent with just 1 person.

are you ok with this arrangement?

 

[pinkgraffiti]

Wow, a couple hours a week? Not a whole lot. But I imagine you as very social in real life, so I guess I was right on the money.

actually not really...most of my not-alone time is 1 on 1 (with different people)

 

[Elfboy]

[MENTION=16139]Honor[/MENTION]
a lot.

 

[Lady_X]

actually not really...most of my not-alone time is 1 on 1 (with different people)

Yeah me too... I prefer it that way but I could totally live in some sort of hippie commune or some other alternative type living environment with say 15-30 houses with their own lil families or groups living in them and we all get together for meals or to sit and chat around a bonfire.
I love the idea of having a lot of close friends around and sharing a living space with them... Not all in the same house but same lil community or something.

I used to live on this cool street right by this fun strip that a bunch of my friends and I used to like to hang out and we had about 6 houses of friends on the street and we'd play ping ping outside or sit by a fire pit and have wine and just go between houses all the time. It was awesome.

I think I've been missing that ever since.