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  1. #1
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Default Dealing with being alone a lot

    This has been a huge issue in my life during the past few years. Before then, I lived at home with my parents and 2 sisters, went to school every day with my friends, and had a very active social life.

    Now, I live alone with my INTJ husband (he's great, but not the same as being surrounded by friends and family all the time) and we both work full time. At work, I'm by myself all day, pulling kids out of class to work with them for 30 minutes at a time trying to cram as much speech therapy into that time as possible (usually fighting with schedules, against the clock, and often dealing with behavior issues). I do love being with kids, but I just don't feel like it's any substitute for the socialization I need. Before, I worked as a waitress where I was constantly chatting with co-workers and customers. That was much better for me. Now, I have my own room, and often go for days at a time without really interacting with another adult at work. Or when I do, I'm running a meeting with a strict agenda or talking about special ed. law and procedures (NOT FUN!). So I come home from work, make dinner, eat it with my husband who's trying to decompress after work (that looks a lot less like active conversation for him than it does for me). I try to make plans with friends, but we're all adults with busy lives so it just doesn't happen very often.

    Anyone else have a hard time adjusting to the isolation of adult life? I just feel like all that alone time really takes a toll on me. I become kind of shut down, and seriously lack motivation. This kills me because I feel like my natural state is enthusiastic, motivated, and engaged.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  2. #2
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    Are there any groups you can get involved with?

  3. #3
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Oh my gosh, yes. This issue hits a nerve with me. After graduating from college and moving into an apartment by myself in a city where I didn't know anyone, I nearly went insane. I had very high levels of interaction with people every day before then. If anything, I had to get away from campus at least once a week to have five minutes to myself.

    It's not just having people around, though. It's having someone around who you can connect with. I can completely see how the type and amount of interaction you get at work isn't energizing you.

  4. #4
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    Are there any groups you can get involved with?
    Going to yoga class regularly has been my way of seeing people and kind of re-centering after a long day. It's awesome, and I feel definite benefits, but it's really not that social of an experience. The idea of adding another commitment kind of freaks me out, but I could probably do something 1 or 2 days a week. Maybe I can look into community classes like pottery or something. That sounds like lots of fun!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  5. #5
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    You are not alone in feeling alone. Although I've always been swarmed by people who love me at work or seek out my guidance, at the end of the day I'm wont for peers and people who want to get to know me past what they can reap from me.

    Its like when I go home I unplug from the matrix and I'm alone in my head. When I do attempt to connect, the other people are either too dull or not learned enough to go to the depths that I want to. I have associates and one "best" friend, but no one I can call equal. When I look back, I've always been alone in this regard. And it just so happens that even my mother and father look to me as a heirophant. So I'm at the top of the food chain with no one to challenge/nourish me but me.
    I N V I C T U S

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    Quote Originally Posted by nicolita View Post
    Going to yoga class regularly has been my way of seeing people and kind of re-centering after a long day. It's awesome, and I feel definite benefits, but it's really not that social of an experience. The idea of adding another commitment kind of freaks me out, but I could probably do something 1 or 2 days a week. Maybe I can look into community classes like pottery or something. That sounds like lots of fun!
    No, I mean groups where you go out and do things, or mingle and talk to each other.

  7. #7
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CapLawyer View Post
    No, I mean groups where you go out and do things, or mingle and talk to each other.
    Hm, I guess I'm not sure what you have in mind then. Any way you could name some examples or something? I like the sound of that.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  8. #8
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    You are not alone in feeling alone. Although I've always been swarmed by people who love me at work or seek out my guidance, at the end of the day I'm wont for peers and people who want to get to know me past what they can reap from me.

    Its like when I go home I unplug from the matrix and I'm alone in my head. When I do attempt to connect, the other people are either too dull or not learned enough to go to the depths that I want to. I have associates and one "best" friend, but no one I can call equal. When I look back, I've always been alone in this regard. And it just so happens that even my mother and father look to me as a heirophant. So I'm at the top of the food chain with no one to challenge/nourish me but me.
    Yup. This resonates with me. It's my issue with my current group of "friends." They are only friends in the most shallow of senses, and they are not very nice people. I also need a lot lf intellectual stimulation, and they are anti-intellectual. I think I've outgrown them.

  9. #9
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    Yup. This resonates with me. It's my issue with my current group of "friends." They are only friends in the most shallow of senses, and they are not very nice people. I also need a lot lf intellectual stimulation, and they are anti-intellectual. I think I've outgrown them.
    Ditto. It would seem that I get along best with people who are 40 years old and above.
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  10. #10
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Yup. Before I went to college, I was so starved for interaction with people who were as analytical and intense as I am. I really only ever had meaningful relationships with adults. At college, I found people who were mind mates and soul mates but now it seems like I need to find another source of such friends!

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