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  1. #11
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    Yup. This resonates with me. It's my issue with my current group of "friends." They are only friends in the most shallow of senses, and they are not very nice people. I also need a lot lf intellectual stimulation, and they are anti-intellectual. I think I've outgrown them.
    Omg, I've definitely outgrown groups of friends in my life. Lots of my high school and undergrad friends I had to slowly back away from. I broke up with the guy I was dating in college and went off on my own for a while. Got really involved with my spiritual life, learned guitar, locked myself in my room studying linguistics instead of partying, and joined lots of discussion groups at the campus coffee house. It was a great time in my life, and even though it was so hard to break away from friends, I knew I needed it. Now I have lots of new friends from grad school, friends through my husband and family, and some old elementary school friends who have been around forever.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  2. #12
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    oh wow yeah definitely. i actually have a meetup tab open since last night. i am bored.

    i work independently...no coworkers or anything...and i love not having to answer to anyone or be micromanaged or anything but i miss having co workers.

    i have lived here for long enough that i should have friends...but i totally don't. i mean...my bf has some people and i hang out with them but yeah i need to do something about it. i feel like our spark begins to fade without that social interaction...i begin to lose myself.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #13
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    oh wow yeah definitely. i actually have a meetup tab open since last night. i am bored.

    i work independently...no coworkers or anything...and i love not having to answer to anyone or be micromanaged or anything but i miss having co workers.

    i have lived here for long enough that i should have friends...but i totally don't. i mean...my bf has some people and i hang out with them but yeah i need to do something about it. i feel like our spark begins to fade without that social interaction...i begin to lose myself.
    Which is why we need to get that ENFP group therapy convention going. I have a feeling most of us could really use it
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  4. #14
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I actually found it to be a relief to quit a job that involved a lot of socialization and move on to one that does not... I also tend to stay at home or pursue something solitary on my days off as opposed to socializing. We both work a lot of hours and there will be weeks where he puts in 70+ hours so I go home to just the animals. I also don't have a social group anymore. Somehow this doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore... I've come to love spending time alone and in silence as well

    The man feels more of a need to interact with others and will go out with his friends to a bar to watch a game or such. He knows that I'm just not that into it and he's fine with the fact that I want to stay home and I'm fine with him going.

    So no, I don't have to deal with being alone... it's like finally getting a bit of peace...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #15
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nicolita View Post
    Which is why we need to get that ENFP group therapy convention going. I have a feeling most of us could really use it
    yeah right? it sounds fun...i want to sit with a bunch of enfps and drink some nice red wine and just chat about all of our inner workings till the sun comes up.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #16
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yeah right? it sounds fun...i want to sit with a bunch of enfps and drink some nice red wine and just chat about all of our inner workings till the sun comes up.
    F yeah!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  7. #17
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    You are not alone in feeling alone. Although I've always been swarmed by people who love me at work or seek out my guidance, at the end of the day I'm wont for peers and people who want to get to know me past what they can reap from me.
    I definitely have issues along these lines too -- especially with what Thursday mentioned. When the majority of your "socialization" time is work related, and based around people trying to extract knowledge/work/"fix my problems" from you, it's a real drain. Even worse, it tends to wear you (at least me) down so much that when you get home you're too exhausted to really want to pursue more healthy social activities.

    I'm not sure how to get around this... in my own life, I'm sort of in a weird limbo mode. Fifteen years ago, I had a large group of friends that I saw, reliably, several times a week. People who I knew cared about me as a person, who I could relax around and enjoy being with. I can't say that I took it for granted - I knew how great it was, but these days I don't have that at all. Most of those friends have moved out of town, have had children and are involved with family activities, or both. I'm lucky (and I know, given our geographic displacement, I *am* lucky) to see them once a year - even my friends who are still in town I only see a few times a year.

    It's hard. And yeah, I know... first world problems. But it is a problem. I think that I was much happier, and probably socially healthier fifteen years ago, even if I was complacent. These days, I get up, go to work, come home and watch some netflix, repeat. The one thing that I've started doing over the last year or so is taking fitness classes 3x a week at a gym. I almost can't decide whether the physical activity or simply seeing people outside of work (a small number of whom I consider casual "gym-friends") on a regular basis is better for me. Probably both.

    It's not optimal, but it's something. I almost think that it gets better as you get out of middle age -- once your contemporaries (perhaps including yourself) have kids who are old enough to take care of themselves reliably, at least for an evening out, etc. -- it gets better, or at least possible, to reconnect.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #18
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    True for me: no matter how much socializing you're doing, if you don't have anyone you can mentally mesh with among your network, then you're still going to feel as alone as you did to begin with.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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    A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung

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