I/E and Ideal Number of Friends

[Honor]

This probably seems like an obvious question, but it may prove interesting anyway.

How many close friends do you have? How many would you have in your ideal circumstances? By close friend, I mean someone who you regularly involve in your life and/or someone who you inform of the major events of your life. Include family members that you are willingly close to.

 

[wolfy]

Over one hundred maybe. Ideally everyone would be a friend.

 

[Betty Blue]

I actually have hardly any close friends that i see often. When i say often i mean more than once every couple of weeks. I have several...maybe three or four that i see at least once a month (usually) but i have a vast array of deep connections with many people that i see only occaisionally. I don't have a group of friends to speak of.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

this is a bit of a weird question, but if i had to take a wild guess i'd say about 20?!?

 

[Honor]

Over one hundred maybe. Ideally everyone would be a friend.

lol, I feel the same way too.

I actually have hardly any close friends that i see often. When i say often i mean more than once every couple of weeks. I have several...maybe three or four that i see at least once a month (usually) but i have a vast array of deep connections with many people that i see only occaisionally. I don't have a group of friends to speak of.

Wow, I think it's interesting (and awesome) that you feel deeply connected to people you don't see often.

 

[Honor]

this is a bit of a weird question, but if i had to take a wild guess i'd say about 20?!?

Sounds like a good number to me. Do you mean it's a hard question to answer?

 

[pinkgraffiti]

Sounds like a good number to me. Do you mean it's a hard question to answer?

it's just very difficult (at least for me) to understand what exactly close friends are. it's not easy to classify people like that. constant contact is not a good way to think about it, because i'm often most in contact with acquaintances, ie. people i go out with weekly, than with my best friends, who are often in different cities/countries and who I might contact every few months or even years. so i'm trying to think of the people that are significant to me, emotionally, and i guess that would be around 20, maybe more, i'd have to write a list. it's just a weird concept for me to analyse.

 

[Honor]

it's just very difficult (at least for me) to understand what exactly close friends are. it's not easy to classify people like that. constant contact is not a good way to think about it, because i'm often most in contact with acquaintances, ie. people i go out with weekly, than with my best friends, who are often in different cities/countries and who I might contact every few months or even years. so i'm trying to think of the people that are significant to me, emotionally, and i guess that would be around 20, maybe more, i'd have to write a list. it's just a weird concept for me to analyse.

Hmm, it's interesting that you and another ENFP on this thread said similar things. The reason I phrased the original post that way is because I find my attention (and therefore, attachments) shift to whoever I am interacting with the most. And also, perhaps it's an extrovert thing to engage people who you don't have strong connections with...I don't do much of that myself.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

Hmm, it's interesting that you and another ENFP on this thread said similar things. The reason I phrased the original post that way is because I find my attention (and therefore, attachments) shift to whoever I am interacting with the most. And also, perhaps it's an extrovert thing to engage people who you don't have strong connections with...I don't do much of that myself.

the important people in my life are a secure fact and i don't need to see them often to appreciate them.
when i want to go out etc i want to have fun and often for me it's more important the event than the act of seeing my friends. i mean, if i want to go to a concert, then i'll call a friend that i know has similar tastes etc, but my main goal is to see concert (with company) not to see him/her (i enjoy their company though of course).

once in a while maybe i need a good conversation with a good friend, but this may be every two weeks or one month and i have a circle of good friends, so they switch.
i don't know. it just is that i don't need to see close friends often in order to keep that feeling of closeness. they know i like them and i know they like me. knowing they're ok is the most important thing.

 

[gromit]

I would consider my immediate family close friends, so that is 7, with SOs, that is 10. I have many close friends who have moved away to other parts of the country/world. They are very dear to me, but I hardly see them.

In my physical proximity ideally I would like at least 5-10 close friends. But I like to have many friendly acquaintances.

 

[kelric]

This probably seems like an obvious question, but it may prove interesting anyway.

How many close friends do you have? How many would you have in your ideal circumstances? By close friend, I mean someone who you regularly involve in your life and/or someone who you inform of the major events of your life. Include family members that you are willingly close to.

By the definition you listed, very few... maybe one? But I feel very close to a number of people who I see much more infrequently. Most of these folks are ones that I used to see weekly or more, but who have moved, started families, etc. and simply don't have the time to get together anymore. I'd include my family members in that second group, in that I don't really see/talk to them much. In that group, maybe ten total?

There are also a few people with whom I'm really basically out of touch at this point, but with whom I have been very close in the past, and at least as far as I'm concerned, still fit within that mold of "close friends forever". I may never speak to them again. But if I do, I'd immediately consider them "inside my walls", and share/trust details of my life with them that I don't share with casual/work/gym friends and acquaintances. Such things are forever.

 

[greenfairy]

I would agree with most of the things said so far; I have a lot of friends whom I have known for varying lengths of time (known meaning spent time with consistently), who live far away or I don't see often, lots of friendly acquaintances, and a few people I see on a regular basis. All of those together would maybe equal...about 60 perhaps? I would love to have a group of friends I spent time with often, like twice a week or more, one on one or together, more random friends, and the more acquaintances the merrier. Minus acquaintances I have: maybe 20-25; minus family, maybe 15? I spend the most time with only about 5 people including my sister (not including my parents or my coven), and I feel lonely often.

Edit: I should count coworkers with whom I'm friendly. I talk to them a lot every day I work. Also my small coven. And I may have more people than I listed because I tend to forget people exist when I don't see them. That's one reason I like to see people a lot- I'm afraid they'll forget I exist, and then I feel like I don't.

 

[Honor]

the important people in my life are a secure fact and i don't need to see them often to appreciate them.
when i want to go out etc i want to have fun and often for me it's more important the event than the act of seeing my friends. i mean, if i want to go to a concert, then i'll call a friend that i know has similar tastes etc, but my main goal is to see concert (with company) not to see him/her (i enjoy their company though of course).

once in a while maybe i need a good conversation with a good friend, but this may be every two weeks or one month and i have a circle of good friends, so they switch.
i don't know. it just is that i don't need to see close friends often in order to keep that feeling of closeness. they know i like them and i know they like me. knowing they're ok is the most important thing.

Oh ok, interesting, because I'm super opposite from all of this! First of all, when I invite a friend to something, I definitely am inviting them for their company; they are the main event. If it was mostly about the actual event, I would just go by myself. And it's not that I care about people less if I don't see them anymore, but I don't feel real intimacy with people unless they are a part of my daily life. And most of my close friends are very similar, which makes sense, because otherwise there would be constant conflict, huh? Idk, maybe instinctual variants from enneagrams play a role in this? I also I think it might be because of the type of family that I grew up in...

But I do know people IRL who have a similar outlook on friendships as you. So, thanks for sharing

 

[Lady_X]

i have more deep friendships than i could ever want actually...unfortunately they don't live here. i suppose i would just like a few that did.

that phrasing seems weird. i guess i mean...that the amount i have is good and i just wish i saw them more.

 

[Such Irony]

I have about 5 close friends and I'm fine with that. I don't feel a need to have more than that. Quality over quantity.

 

[Nicki]

3 close friends but an infinite number of acquaintances

 

[MetalMoon]

4 or 5 close friends. I'd like loads of friends, but obviously I'm fine with the ones I have

 

[Chiharu]

I have about 5, and ideally I'd like about 10. Not counting family. My family is huge.

 

[Galena]

3 close friends but an infinite number of acquaintances

Approximately the same.

 

[Honor]

3 close friends but an infinite number of acquaintances

What type are you?

EDIT: Oops - I now see ESFJ