Fi users and not apologizing

[Kalach]

"can you throw this away for me?"
"Let's throw it away together."

 

[Azure Flame]

lmao dude she's probably your type. You're probably well equipped to deal with her tests.

I'm more equipped to deal with tests of willpower.

What's that? We've been speaking for a week online, you seem enthusiastic, then I ask you out and you suddenly stop responding?

Ok well its time to ask you out another 4 times. oh shit boom done. success.

 

[Azure Flame]

Why did you break this girl's phone?

It was the result of her other tests, or just blatant inconsideration.

My music was hooked up to the stereo while I was teaching class. She'd come over and stop my music then put hers in.

At first I ignored it.

Then she did it another 3 times. I walked up to her and said, "can you at least ask before you turn off my music?"

She said, "sorry, but not really."

The next time she did it I smashed her phone.

 

[PeaceBaby]

The next time she did it I smashed her phone.

That's true love, right there - listen, you like this girl, eh? Can you find a better way to communicate that? To reestablish contact?

 

[wolfy]

Yes I've noticed this. I think I do expect a form of submission. The way I view things, if they're willing to act submissive, it proves to me that they're willing to do what it takes to make things work between us. If they aren't, they aren't someone I wish to continue trying to connect with. More or less a test. This could be an E8 thing. When someone shows me they have the courage to submit, I'll actually pick them back up and dust them off and tell them everything is cool and act submissive in return, and thus respect them even more than I used to. But I have no tolerance for inflated egos.

That becomes problematic when two people are the same way inclined. Two immovable objects. That is why making a sandwich is the clever move.

 

[Azure Flame]

That becomes problematic when two people are the same way inclined. Two immovable objects. That is why making a sandwich is the clever move.

lmao

 

[wolfy]

That's true love, right there - listen, you like this girl, eh? Can you find a better way to communicate that? To reestablish contact?

Why? She sounds annoying. You never touch someones music. That is just wrong.

 

[Azure Flame]

I feel like girls get horny when I'm pissed

 

[PeaceBaby]

Why? She sounds annoying. You never touch someones music. That is just wrong.

they sound like a match made in heaven, no? Two immovable objects, testing each other with power sparks ...

 

[wolfy]

I feel like girls get horny when I'm pissed

It's the adrenaline talking.

 

[wolfy]

they sound like a match made in heaven, no? Two immovable objects, testing each other with power sparks ...

Life can be like that. That is why we develop strategies like carefully timed foodstuffs.

 

[Azure Flame]

She loves it when I clench my teeth, get aggressive at her and start making rape jokes. She starts laughing hysterically and her body actually recoils with energy. I haven't seen someone react like that before, haha.

Unfortunately I now live a very passive lifestyle and do whatever I can to avoid getting angry. If someone makes me angry once, I cut them out without looking back. Aggression is another story. I don't mind getting aggressive. But getting legitimately upset is an absolute no-no.

 

[wolfy]

She loves it when I clench my teeth, get aggressive at her and start making rape jokes. She starts laughing hysterically and her body actually recoils with energy. I haven't seen someone react like that before, haha.

There probably aren't that many women like that I think. I have no numbers though.
It is kind of fun power play thing you have going on. If you want to play that game you can't get upset.
That is breaking the rules.

 

[Azure Flame]

There probably aren't that many women like that I think. I have no numbers though.
It is kind of fun power play thing you have going on. If you want to play that game you can't get upset.
That is breaking the rules.

I've actually met a lot of NFJ's who react the same way. One ENFJ I dated was freaking adorable. I grabbed a leather belt and snapped it like a whip in front of her and yelled "GET BACK!" and she'd leap back, get all red and just start laughing hysterically. And she had a taste for sci fi, hip hop, and trance, which was awesome. I need to find another one of those. We couldn't continue dating because she was in the Navy and shipped to the other side of the world.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I hope you take this without any ill will because thats the spirit it is given but @DJArendee I have read a lot of your posts here and you have a distinct pattern of interactions with others that is perplexing. It almost feels like an arrested development type of behavior. Major power struggles. Lots of ego. The way you handle things, unless you are joking and Im not getting it (entirely possible), isn't what or how I would consider someone who is fine reacts. Is this an overcompensation? I see a lot of volatility.

 

[Azure Flame]

I hope you take this without any ill will because thats the spirit it is given but @DJArendee I have read a lot of your posts here and you have a distinct pattern of interactions with others that is perplexing. It almost feels like an arrested development type of behavior. Major power struggles. Lots of ego. The way you handle things, unless you are joking and Im not getting it (entirely possible), isn't what or how I would consider someone who is fine reacts. Is this an overcompensation? I see a lot of volatility.

Would you happen to be an E6? I find a lot of E6's feel this way toward me.

I tend to make ridiculous and brash decisions which let people know I'm insane. It tends to work. I'm actually much more controlled than I appear to be.

My INTJ 6 brother legitimately thinks I'm the next hitler.

 

[Azure Flame]

ah yes you are. I just saw your sig.

 

[Evo]

So, after learning some socionics, I've learned that Fi often ASSUMES the internal state of other people, while Fe needs to hear it in an objective fashion.

Simultaneously, I notice that Fe users tend to appologize much more readily than Fi users.

I recently was hitting on an ESFP. I told her she was attractive at one point. She then flipped and went princess on me. She was eating a salad out of a styrofoam bowl, and when she was done, held the bowl up to my face and said, "can you throw this away for me?"

I looked at her feeling pain from what she said, and responded, "because I'm such a nice fucking guy." I took her tray and threw it out for her and didn't speak to her for a month.

She started to realize that I had no intention of speaking to her ever again. I door slammed her. She started getting upset and anytime I was near she'd look at me a lot and make faces of concern. I don't know what emotion it was specifically. Some sort of remorse, guilt, something.

She's never appologized. I haven't bothered asking her to either. Last time I asked an esfp to appologize to me was a disaster.

So now she's super nice to me. So, in general Fi user fashion, I'm assuming this is her way of apologizing. I've had an INTJ appologize to me once when he started cleaning my room and asking me how my day was etc. I had an ENTJ appologize to me by looking at the floor and stating things awkwardly. So I assume its something similar with ESFP.

So now I'm wondering, is she actually sorry? Do Fi users need to appologize? Or should I just assume it?

From my perspective, the lack of an apology seems like a blatant form of selfishness, as if being right is more important than whatever else is on her mind. What do you think? What is going on in her mind? Why do Fi users do this? Is there something about their ego that prevents them from apologizing?

I get along well with ESFP's but my best friend (ESFP) takes MONTHS to appologize...everything you've stated here is correct. I pretend to get along with ISFP's but they're the same...I loath them secretly tho( most of the time) the reason is YES, THEY DON'T FUCKING SAY SORRY!

Now that the rant's out of the way... To be logical: Being an Fi user...bad one but still one. I understand an introverted feeler waaay more than an extraverted feeler. Meaning I get TJ's and FP's... because the more someone holds back emotion...shows that they care to me...It's weird i know. But it's like a language in a way. My one friend was so happy i did something for her and her reaction was simply a hug, and I could see her holding back tears. That is more impactful than someone saying thank you i appreciate this. So the other answer is YES they're assuming. They assume that you know they're sorry from that look they're giving you...they're speaking Fi.

 

[chickpea]

It was the result of her other tests, or just blatant inconsideration.

My music was hooked up to the stereo while I was teaching class. She'd come over and stop my music then put hers in.

At first I ignored it.

Then she did it another 3 times. I walked up to her and said, "can you at least ask before you turn off my music?"

She said, "sorry, but not really."

The next time she did it I smashed her phone.

Well she sounds like a real catch and you sound like a very sane, rational person. Good luck to the two of you.

 

[skylights]

I think she's an E6. In my experience those have almost always been very push pull and hurtful people to open up to.

Would you happen to be an E6? I find a lot of E6's feel this way toward me. [...] My INTJ 6 brother legitimately thinks I'm the next hitler.

Sorry I'm sorta stalking your thread; it's just an interesting one.

It kind of makes sense that you and e6s typically have a hard time. You're very forceful-forward - the most forceful type/wing/instinct combination of the Enneagram - and 6s natively react. We don't have the same grounded, assured feeling that you have - we feel knocked about by our environment. It really throws a 6 off to have such forceful forward energy coming at them - it's like the force of your energy requires an equal amount of energy on the 6's part either to react back at you, or to restabilize themselves after being pushed in a certain direction.

I'm interested in what you mean about 6s being hurtful to open up to. I know one 6 that I trust in that sense and another who I don't trust, as she's shared personal feelings I've told her in confidence before.