User Tag List

First 132122232425 Last

Results 221 to 230 of 245

  1. #221
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,582

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think that - and this might be somewhat of a Ne thing - when someone expresses sympathy, I generally see it as a kind gesture plus an opportunity to cherry pick knowledge. I don't really know that I ever assume that it's actually useful beyond making me feel nice. Mostly I just like that others are demonstrating their compassion and awareness of me, which makes me feel supported and trusting. And of course for Fs, feelings are important. Feeling supported and trusting makes me more relaxed and empowered, and that better allows me to handle my problems, even though they still suck. I guess it's sort of a compartmentalization. What I get out of others' sympathy isn't tangible, but I don't look to them for that. I just like the feeling. But if the feeling doesn't do much for you... what you're saying makes sense.
    I recognize sympathy as an attempt to be kind as well, but one that usually fails. I suppose this falls into the category of "it's the thought that counts", a sentiment I could never embrace. I actually do appreciate encounters that make me "feel nice". Unfortunately standard gestures of sympathy do not produce this kind of feeling. Instead they make me feel patronized, trivialized, irritated. They generally interrupt something I was in the middle of, if only my own thought processes trying to deal with the situation. I then have to expend energy to short-circuit them to minimize the effect, when I don't have energy to spare.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Which, between your and Salome's posts, brings me to the question, how best to offer something positive and useful to a T in distress? Just give them space unless you have something tangibly useful to contribute?
    1. First of all, do not second-guess what I tell you. If I say I'm doing OK, or don't need help, or don't want company, or need to deal with/talk about something else right now, believe it.
    2. If you want to help, state that plainly, then actually follow through. I will tell you what I need.
    3. If practical matters are under control AND you know me well, I may be willing to discuss the matter on a more emotional level, but follow my lead. If I steer the conversation in a certain direction, or decide to terminate it, respect that. That helps me trust you and be more willing to revisit the matter later.
    4. If you don't know me well, don't assume, and don't pry. You can still do (2), but otherwise give me my space, privacy, and as much normalcy as is possible in the situation.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  2. #222
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    ^^ how very fi of you.

    seriously...that just sounds like fi. i don't ever really want to talk about my problems with people either.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #223
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,879

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    1. First of all, do not second-guess what I tell you. If I say I'm doing OK, or don't need help, or don't want company, or need to deal with/talk about something else right now, believe it.
    2. If you want to help, state that plainly, then actually follow through. I will tell you what I need.
    3. If practical matters are under control AND you know me well, I may be willing to discuss the matter on a more emotional level, but follow my lead. If I steer the conversation in a certain direction, or decide to terminate it, respect that. That helps me trust you and be more willing to revisit the matter later.
    4. If you don't know me well, don't assume, and don't pry. You can still do (2), but otherwise give me my space, privacy, and as much normalcy as is possible in the situation.
    This. I want to carve this into a stone tablet.

  4. #224
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    Ok, since a rainstorm woke me up at 4 in the morning and I have nothing better to do, I went back through this thread, and I what I recommend, DJ, is that you study on being a dom. Be a good one, don't be the asshole kind. I think this is all about power -- you don't want her to apologize to you so much as you want her to submit to you. She seems to be asking for you to put limits on her behaviors -- she seems to prod you to show power. I missed the whole thing about the phone and your description of her body language and her general spoiled brat demeanor. I get what you're saying about how she likes it when you act fierce. I'm probably going to catch a lot of hell for saying it, but that seems to me it could work out as a dom/sub relationship very nicely, but you need to understand what's going on and how to use the energy she's giving you. She wants you to come back and play games with her some more, and she's waiting for you to make the move -- which is respectful, or that's one way to see it. Now listen to what @wolfy said, way up thread, because he gets what's going on, too, and then it's up to you to research how you play these games so they are mutually fulfilling. I think what you have there is a SAM. I could be wrong, but that's what I think.

  5. #225
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    976

    Default

    Well then. I'm on on a bus for 6 hours headed to a youth camp I'm volunteering at, so I read through (most of) this entire thread.

    Everything in the universe that could possibly be said has been, but I thought I'd express my support for the talk to her faction. If she won't appoligize and still acts like a princess (argh) after you tell her you were hurt and why, then you can still shut her out. Just saying, attempting communication doesn't hurt you or the situation any more.

    I am starting to see the "target on the back" thing you (@djarendee) mentioned in some other thread. I think it's true that because you begin forcefully, people naturally react likewise.
    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Don't forget that your very strong forward push in your communication may tend to elicit a strong push backwards, which is probably why a lot of responses have sounded judgmental.
    Also, don't overlook the good! If I wrote a thread about a situational thing like this, I would never get this much feedback, or criticism. There are two sides to the coin, you just have to find a way to focus on the bright one. You draw people, but this much response will always include criticism.

    You gotta roll w/ the punches to get to what's real. Just don't beat yourself up.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  6. #226
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Ok, see what you don't understand is that my introspective capacity is severely limited. And what you don't understand is that my ability to express my emotions is on the level of Senator Phil Davison (lol). And what you don't understand is that this is how my brain works. When my feelings are hurt, I don't realize it until half an hour has passed by.

    ...I have a series of best friends who understand me. As I'm not in a begging position to make friends anymore, I could care less what others think, and I door slam. The energy to maintain these friendships takes too much time and energy for me to deal with.
    Since when does "door-slamming" involve starting a thread to ask "but do you think she likes me?"
    "No really. I'm so confused. Does she like me or not? And should I forgive her if she's really hot?"
    Lol. Soooo transparent. It's clear though that you don't understand yourself, women even less and Fi least of all.

    Also, it doesn't take an E6 to recognise that your behaviour is unstable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    She seems to be asking for you to put limits on her behaviors -- she seems to prod you to show power.
    So...talking of projection....
    At what point did you think it was wise to tell a self-described "psychopath and rapist" that what this girl wants is to be shown who's boss? Huh.
    Just curious.
    Also, correct me if I'm wrong but aren't "doms" supposed to be able to control their emotional responses?
    If you ask me, this girl gets a kick out of pushing the buttons of someone supremely easy to wind up.
    But perhaps I'm projecting...
    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    1. First of all, do not second-guess what I tell you. If I say I'm doing OK, or don't need help, or don't want company, or need to deal with/talk about something else right now, believe it.
    2. If you want to help, state that plainly, then actually follow through. I will tell you what I need.
    3. If practical matters are under control AND you know me well, I may be willing to discuss the matter on a more emotional level, but follow my lead. If I steer the conversation in a certain direction, or decide to terminate it, respect that. That helps me trust you and be more willing to revisit the matter later.
    4. If you don't know me well, don't assume, and don't pry. You can still do (2), but otherwise give me my space, privacy, and as much normalcy as is possible in the situation.
    This is a good list. To which I would add :
    5. NO HUGGING!
    Plskthx.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #227
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    MBTI
    esTP
    Enneagram
    845 sp/so
    Socionics
    SLE Ti
    Posts
    257

    Default

    I can see Fi-users as being unapologetic sometimes, depending on whether they see apology as compromising the meaning of their words. I've noticed that Fi-users tend to be more drawn to the dramatic or emotionally intense, whereas Fe-users tend to try and calm it down, make it less complicated and try to promote good will.

  8. #228
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    BIRD
    Enneagram
    631 sp
    Posts
    3,269

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post

    This is a good list. To which I would add :
    5. NO HUGGING!
    Plskthx.
    A-fucking-men.




    To both the list and this. Especially this.
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

    "I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
    -Roger Waters

    ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
    ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
    hel: fairies?
    Captain Curmudgeon: existential angst?


    Johari Nohari

    https://www.librarything.com/profile/wheelchairdoug

  9. #229
    Senior Member Frosty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    2w5 sx
    Posts
    5,782

    Default

    I dont type MBTI type myself but... I think a lot of this has to to with enneagram and health levels as well.

    And tbh. In general, I really dont see a lot of people of ANY TYPE apologizing. It requires a level of vulnerability to do that that few people are willing to let themselves experience.

  10. #230
    Wei 18 - Sie 39 agentwashington's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    MBTI
    mbti
    Enneagram
    ???
    Socionics
    SNL None
    Posts
    1,433

    Default

    ... this just makes me wonder if i use fe

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Frosty View Post
    I dont type MBTI type myself but... I think a lot of this has to to with enneagram and health levels as well.

    And tbh. In general, I really dont see a lot of people of ANY TYPE apologizing. It requires a level of vulnerability to do that that few people are willing to let themselves experience.
    true.
    people are so... weak..
    "You’re on Earth. There’s no cure for that."
    — Samuel Beckett, Endgame

    “This world is beautiful. People can love each other and live life respecting each other. Someday everyone will come to realize that and this will become a beautiful world full of only such people.”
    — Kino no Tabi
    Likes Frosty liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. [Fi] For weary Fi-users
    By Amargith in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 07-20-2014, 12:15 PM
  2. Fi users and self righteous indignation
    By Walking Tourist in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-29-2011, 11:17 PM
  3. [Fi] 2 Kinds of Fi users
    By Elfboy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 08-08-2011, 09:41 PM
  4. [Fi] Fi users
    By INTPness in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 04-15-2010, 06:17 AM
  5. [Fi] Fi users: Tell me the good things???
    By sculpting in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 12-30-2009, 05:36 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO