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  1. #1
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Default How confrontational are you, NFs?

    I have noticed a tendency in my NF friends...especially my INFJ and ENFP friends to avoid conflict like it's the devil. I'm really curious as to which NFs are the most conflict-averse and which ones aren't so shy to engage. So, if you're in a mood to share, NFs, are you conflict-avoidant? Will you tell someone if they're upsetting you or you want their behavior to change? How do you react when someone picks a fight with you?

  2. #2
    Epiphany
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    Some people think I am confrontational, though I try to avoid conflict whenever possible. However, I don't respond well to criticism that seems unwarranted or unconstructive. Likewise, if I feel like someone is disrespecting me, I will become verbally aggressive. I'm learning to become more assertive so that anger doesn't fester and result in my lashing out. I find that people will take advantage of you if you don't stand your ground. Better to confront them sooner than later before emotions get involved.

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    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I'm pretty conflict-avoidant unless something just hits me the wrong way. I usually don't tell someone if they are upsetting me or I want their behavior to change because it feels like they shouldn't have to change for my comfort and convenience. People usually don't pick fights with me, but if someone tries to bully me I usually have a strong and immediate negative reaction to that. Although, if my kids are doing something I don't want them to do, I usually handle that fairly comfortably. They really don't give me much trouble most of the time because I considered it my responsibility to teach them how to accept direction when they were little. And I don't mind debating things online sometimes.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers
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  4. #4
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moniker View Post
    Some people think I am confrontational, though I try to avoid conflict whenever possible. However, I don't respond well to criticism that seems unwarranted or unconstructive. Likewise, if I feel like someone is disrespecting me, I will become verbally aggressive. I'm learning to become more assertive so that anger doesn't fester and result in my lashing out. I find that people will take advantage of you if you don't stand your ground. Better to confront them sooner than later before emotions get involved.
    I relate to this completely. I think of myself as conflict-avoidant because I don't enjoy confrontation but I enjoy being taken advantage of even less...so I'll always confront someone who I think has bad intentions. But I hate fighting. So when people confront me, I tend to take one of two roads: (a) either be conciliatory or (b) get very direct and push the situation to some sort of resolution quickly so that the fighting doesn't last so long.

  5. #5
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I'm pretty conflict-avoidant unless something just hits me the wrong way. I usually don't tell someone if they are upsetting me or I want their behavior to change because it feels like they shouldn't have to change for my comfort and convenience. People usually don't pick fights with me, but if someone tries to bully me I usually have a strong and immediate negative reaction to that. Although, if my kids are doing something I don't want them to do, I usually handle that fairly comfortably. They really don't give me much trouble most of the time because I considered it my responsibility to teach them how to accept direction when they were little. And I don't mind debating things online sometimes.
    Sounds like my INFJ friend! She's just a sweetheart but sometimes I just want to beat people up for upsetting her since she won't confront them. Well, not actually beat them up, but you know what I mean. Very interesting that you are more directive with your children.

  6. #6
    Epiphany
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    I relate to this completely. I think of myself as conflict-avoidant because I don't enjoy confrontation but I enjoy being taken advantage of even less...so I'll always confront someone who I think has bad intentions. But I hate fighting. So when people confront me, I tend to take one of two roads: (a) either be conciliatory or (b) get very direct and push the situation to some sort of resolution quickly so that the fighting doesn't last so long.
    Exactly. I try to resolve conflicts as quickly as possible instead of dragging it out, diplomatically, if possible. If not, I have put on a substantial amount of muscle so I can kick their ass if it turns physical. I've noticed that guys are less apt to start shit with me since I started working out, as well.

  7. #7
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moniker View Post
    Exactly. I try to resolve conflicts as quickly as possible instead of dragging it out, diplomatically, if possible. If not, I have put on a substantial amount of muscle so I can kick their ass if it turns physical. I've noticed that guys are less apt to start shit with me since I started working out, as well.
    lol! I haven't tried the working out strategy yet, but maybe I will. I have noticed that walking around with an air of "don't mess with me" invites A LOT less potential for conflict than walking around with an air of "ahh, I hope people don't attack me for no reason." People can sense vulnerability.

  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    Sounds like my INFJ friend! She's just a sweetheart but sometimes I just want to beat people up for upsetting her since she won't confront them. Well, not actually beat them up, but you know what I mean. Very interesting that you are more directive with your children.
    My kids and myself are the only ones I believe I have a right and an obligation of behavior modification. Other folks, if I can't get along with them, I can avoid them. I usually do okay telling my husband how I feel about things, too. But I try to be gentle because he hates conflict even more than I do.

    Edit: I don't modify my two older kids now beyond what it takes to live in harmony as a family since they are 20 and 18.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #9
    Epiphany
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    lol! I haven't tried the working out strategy yet, but maybe I will. I have noticed that walking around with an air of "don't mess with me" invites A LOT less potential for conflict than walking around with an air of "ahh, I hope people don't attack me for no reason." People can sense vulnerability.
    That's true. Being huge isn't necessary. There are plenty of small dudes who can kick ass and take names. Most guys aren't looking for a fight anyway. Unless they're insecure and trying to prove something.

  10. #10
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    My kids and myself are the only ones I believe I have a right and an obligation of behavior modification. Other folks, if I can't get along with them, I can avoid them. I usually do okay telling my husband how I feel about things, too. But I try to be gentle because he hates conflict even more than I do.

    Edit: I don't modify my two older kids now beyond what it takes to live in harmony as a family since they are 20 and 18.
    Makes a lot of sense! And the intimacy of the parent-child relationship probably makes it much more easy to raise concerns with them than it would be to confront anyone else and get a good result.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moniker View Post
    That's true. Being huge isn't necessary. There are plenty of small dudes who can kick ass and take names. Most guys aren't looking for a fight anyway. Unless they're insecure and trying to prove something.
    :P I'm a girl, so I tend not to be involved in those conflicts anyway.

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