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How confrontational are you, NFs?

Surr

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2014
Messages
79
MBTI Type
IDFK
The NF people I know tend to avoid conflict and keep a lot of their frustration inside but when they do take part in a conflict, it's usually very calm and rational if done after waiting it out a few hours or so, they approach you like "hey uhm here's why I feel like you haven't treated me fair" whereas if they jump in a conflict in the moment, it may get ugly. I pissed off my ENFP roommate whom I had known for a decade and was very close friends with. I lashed out on her a bit and when I tried to apologize, the damage was already done and she kicked me out on the street just like that. I later on approached her with the intention of just clearing the air, figuring out what the confrontation was all about and moving on with a clear conscience but she never answered, her closer friends have told me she's feeling too ashamed to contact me. Well, that's merely my own subjective experience of NF conflict :shrug:
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I run the gamut. I hate 'loosing it', in those cases I go off somewhere until I can cool down. Some issues annoy me highly, but I don't approach them if I think they're short lived and have no beneficial resolution by addressing them. Sometimes I insert myself into conflict, usually because it's something I feel strongly about. I've learned through a very frustrating relationship with a 9 that things you are unhappy about need to be addressed before they get worse, nobody is going to speak up for you. So I don't shy away from bringing up issues in any relationship, especially romantic and work relationships, those ones that you know will be there day after day. Very occasionally I'm in a mood and just instigate shit.
 

capslock

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2010
Messages
94
MBTI Type
INFP
I avoid conflict when it 'doesn't matter', and this is nearly always the case for me. But when it matters, and especially when people with power, who can affect things, and who should know better, are wrong and about to do things that will have bad consequences for other people, are involved - then I am confrontational, to the best of my ability. This happened most recently today, and my actions might have seen to other people like 'burning bridges', but I made my point, and was right and stand for everything I said, and I'm fully ok with any eventual repercussions. And, the thing I made clear did not serve me personally, but rather other people and stakeholders - including the person I stood up to, which is pretty ironic. The power trip some people are on amazes me (I'm being polite here).
 

OneLovelyAdventure

Gryffindor Prefect
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
139
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
378
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm remarkably confrontational. Possibly to a fault. It could be my tendency to say what's on my mind without thinking through if it'd be a good thing to say.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
I do not seek conforontation, but I also am not afraid of it at all. I simply need a reason for it (i.e. there is an end goal that needs to be acheived) before I'll get into it.
 

Pionart

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
4,039
MBTI Type
NiFe
From my experience, INFP is the only conflict avoidant one.
 

Showbread

climb on
Joined
Oct 3, 2013
Messages
2,298
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I would also agree that INFP is the only one that is particularly conflict avoidant, maybe to some degree INFJ. But, once you light a fire under an INFJ it's hard to put it out.
 

Quay

Peaced
Joined
Feb 17, 2010
Messages
271
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I avoid conflict when it 'doesn't matter', and this is nearly always the case for me. But when it matters, and especially when people with power, who can affect things, and who should know better, are wrong and about to do things that will have bad consequences for other people, are involved - then I am confrontational, to the best of my ability. This happened most recently today, and my actions might have seen to other people like 'burning bridges', but I made my point, and was right and stand for everything I said, and I'm fully ok with any eventual repercussions. And, the thing I made clear did not serve me personally, but rather other people and stakeholders - including the person I stood up to, which is pretty ironic. The power trip some people are on amazes me (I'm being polite here).


yep.

I find a lesson in you stating you stood up for the person you stood up to. Thanks for that.
 

Yaru

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I am conflict avoidant only when I am not interested in the conflict.

Like when my family write to me long scrolls of text saying that I should be more present, that I should at least try to miss them , emotional stuff/ emotional stuff ecc
I am pretty meh. I rather avoid them and make up excuses rather than being confrontational.

But when I am with people I am confident with I try not to be confrontational but some times I can't help it but find any pretest to argue. I think it's my way to vent for all the times I avoid conflict.
 

Abby Ann

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2014
Messages
9
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
0w0
I would also agree that INFP is the only one that is particularly conflict avoidant, maybe to some degree INFJ. But, once you light a fire under an INFJ it's hard to put it out.

I had an INFP friend who kept criticizing and harassing me (via text) to the point that I called him up and f***ing blew up on his azz. That NEVER happens. He's the only person outside of my family that I've ever blown up on like that. The thing is, I would NEVER incessantly criticize someone like he was doing to me (this had been going on for months). It's bogus.
The question is, was he the one being confrontational, or was it me? o_O
 

five sounds

MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
5,393
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
729
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
:soapbox: < that's my confrontational style
 

Redbone

Orisha
Joined
Apr 27, 2010
Messages
2,882
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I don't go way out of my way to avoid conflict but I don't try to seek it out either. I will say something if it needs to be said. Because of this, I do get labeled as confrontational or even aggressive...um, okay.
 

cm81

New member
Joined
Oct 27, 2014
Messages
303
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
714
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Depends on what it is.
 

chickpea

perfect person
Joined
Sep 12, 2009
Messages
5,729
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
i tend towards non-confrontational, but certain people or situations change that.

tumblr_mrls14DldT1stxgkdo1_500.gif
 

1487610420

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
6,431
I'm not, unless yo're wrong and impacting me or something/someone I care about.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I'm not NF but people constantly suggest I'm hostile, confrontational, challenging, domineering male, take your pick, I'm just not full of shit and despise ambivalence or confused conversation.
 

small.wonder

So she did.
Joined
Feb 8, 2013
Messages
965
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I am predominantly conflict prone, not that I cause it-- rather, I tend to respond to, or engage with it. This is regardless of the nature of the individuals involved, friend or stranger makes no difference to me. It's been awhile since I was in a physical altercation, but I'm quick to speak up, especially if I think someone has been wronged or hurt.

Conflict aversion itself drives me nuts. There's nothing worse than someone telling me about a problem, and then refusing to face it. :doh:
 

Studmuffin23

New member
Joined
Aug 7, 2014
Messages
170
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9
NFs do not really fear conflict. We just think it's pointless to fight over something that could be resolved peacefully.

That's called diplomacy ;)
 
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